We met his Mom today!

Today at 3 pm we met baby boy's mom, Becca and her mom. I was so nervous all day. I swear I was going to vomit. They don't prep you to meet Birthmoms in IF land. We ended up meeting in the waiting room, as she was the only pregnant lady there with her mom. We smiled at each other.
I can't imagine how nervous she was, but I know how nervous I was. I couldn't think of anything to say. I wanted to look the best for her, and so did my hubby. He wanted us to get there 10 minutes early so "she would know how much we care about her baby."
She told us she picked us partly because we had waited so long. I was touched! We talked about the birth plan and the plan for contact through the years. We talked about name choices. We found out Becca's mom works up near where hubby's parents live. I also noticed that she wrote down Catholic under her religious affiliation. I had prayed to God to show me how and if this was the right situation, and I believe it is, due to our conversation today.
Overall, it was awkward at first, but I think it was all the pressure we all felt. I hope we conveyed how much we wanted to be parents to her son. We asked Sue what she thought about Becca going through with the adoption and she felt really good, although she stressed there was no guarantee.
Hubby and I feel confident in her decision and will be going forward making arrangements, painting his room, finding a lawyer, and all the fun stuff that comes with babies. We told our families to wait with holding a shower until we have the baby, as I want to make sure we have a baby to celebrate. Thus is getting more real by the day!
Thank you for all your prayers and congratulations! We know they are how hubby and I have stayed as calm as we have in the last week. Please keep us, Becca, baby boy and Becca's family in your prayers in the month ahead. I know your prayers have prayed up this baby. I have no doubt about that!

This could be it!!!!

Friday turned out to be a pretty great day!
I vented to my hubby about being stressed out about work via text in the morning.  He was such a sweetie that he brought me flowers and chocolate at lunch!  I was blown away.  It was so unexpected.

I thought the day couldn't get any better.  And then ...

We got The Call at 3:18 pm from Sue, our Adoption Case Worker in our town.  She told me that we were picked by a Birthmom who is due April 1st!

I don't remember thinking much of anything except, "Can this really be happening?"  I asked her some questions to get more detail and then got off the phone and squealed!  I galloped back to my co-worker's office and told her excitedly that we got picked to be parents!

I then made the exciting phone call to break the news to my hubby with the following details:
 - She is a young mom with one child already.
 - She lives in our city, but is moving to a town about 30 mins. south in about 6 months
 - She wants to meet us this coming week
 - She wants to have an open adoption with pictures, cards, letters
 - She took our photo book home with her and feels that we are the couple to raise her son
 - Our case worker feels confident that she is serious (although we are still cautious)

I was also told the sex of the baby (I couldn't resist!).
We are having a ......

BABY BOY!!!

I ask your prayers that we will connect with the Birthmom at our meeting next week and that she will go through with this adoption, although we pray that God's will be done, no matter the outcome.  I know that several ladies have had failed adoptions, and I am trying to steel my heart against being too excited.  But its hard.   My mind has been racing with disbelief, then joy, then mentally planning what to do for EVERYTHING, then back to the possibility that this baby may not be guaranteed to us.  I feel like I'm on a roller-coaster of emotion, yet trying to trust in God's plan.

Any prayers & advice you have during this time is appreciated, as are prayers for the Birthmom's and Baby's health and a safe delivery.  I will keep you updated after our meeting next week.

Thank You!

I have to THANK YOU ALL for your wonderful advice and wisdom in your comments and emails.  You have made such an impact in my life, its unbelievable!  You are all my trusted friends.

We didn't end up going to see the baby this weekend.  The roads were good enough that we traveled to a friend's wedding that we'd planned on.  I'd kind of hoped that was the case, but was ready to see the baby anyway.

Several of you mentioned sending a card, which we are doing.  Also, there were suggestions about having an excuse to leave, which I think is a must for when we do go.  And of course, we'll probably give ourselves a treat afterwards by celebrating "us."

I'm not afraid now of seeing the baby.  I'm sure my stomach will be in knots a little once we get there, but I feel stronger now, that I can see the baby.  I will imagine all of my blogger friends there with me.  I've been checking out Fac.ebook so I can get "used to" all the comments, pictures, happiness oozing out everywhere, etc from the parents, grandparents, relatives and such.  It hurts to see the pictures and read the comments, but I know of no other way to "condition" myself for what I will face.

Since we have to drive 2-1/2 hours one way to see the baby & parents, we'll probably work it into a weekend trip out there.  Its a long day if we spend 5 hours driving and an hour visiting.  I hope the new parents will understand.  From what it sounds like now, the baby sleeps most of the time anyway.  I have to work weekends for my job and it doesn't help that I have to work the next two weekends either.  After that, I plan to take a weekend and go see my pregnant friend with twins.  (Gulp!)

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for all the prayers!

                    *******************

Now, head on over and congratulate these ladies ....

Meghan just recently had baby Christian, who was truly a miracle pregnancy (read her story from the beginning!).  Please congratulate her and her family on their newest addition!

Jenny at All Things just recently announced that she is pregnant after the craziest cycle of charting!  Please send her your Best Wishes on this happy announcement!

Weekend Plans

This morning, my hubby asked me to ask my blog ladies about what they thought on when to plan to visit our new nephew.  We have a wedding reception we are planning on going to this weekend up north, but if the weather is bad (they predict 7-15 in. of snow), we might change our plans ... and hubby says we'll have to go see the new baby.  As Faith Makes Things Possible said in her comment on my last post, it may help to see the baby to overcome my hurt, anger and jealousy.  I am hoping it will prove the same for me.

But is this weekend too soon?  BIL & SIL live about 2-1/2 hours east of us (they won't get as much snow).  Of course, the baby's grandparents and one of hubby's brothers have been there already and may be there over the weekend too.  I anticipate lots of other friends & family visiting this weekend as well.  I guess if we went this weekend to see the baby instead of driving into the bad weather for the wedding reception, it would take the spotlight off of us saying much of anything, but I'm wondering if its too soon for me.  I know I will visit at some point (within the next few months, I'm sure), but want my heart to heal a bit.  I'm afraid of all the excited baby-crazed people and their off-hand comments that I might take to heart too much.  I'm also afraid of the gushing of the new parents over their baby.  I'm afraid of crying when I hold him, because I long for a baby too.  But I also know in the back of my mind that I shouldn't steal their joy ... but if I'm not there to cry or be hurt, then I can't do that, right?

In your opinion, when do you think we should drive over to see the parents and baby?
 

It Happens Today

I guess today is the "official" day I become an aunt.  My BIL texted my hubby this morning to say that they're in the hospital and hope to have the baby around noon today.  There's no more avoiding them in real life.  The baby is coming early, as they were due on Valentine's Day ... a day which my MIL on FB said "Was so, so perfect for the first Grandchild" or some crap like that.

I must have known something was up yesterday, b/c I got really angry and upset last night and lashed out at my husband.  We were out running errands and for some reason, I brought up the topic of BIL & SIL & new baby.  Which led to the comment from me about being lapped ... again!  Which led him to say that ... well, your BFF with twins was "older" & "why do I compare myself to her and others?".  Which made me angrier.  I told him you don't say that to an infertile person (actually, I've told him this twice before last night, too).  It wasn't a great night.

This morning as I was getting ready for work, hubby told me they were in the hospital.  I read hubby's texts when he was in the shower ... apparently it was a mass text-message to everyone but me (thank goodness!) ... about the progress of SIL & her labor.  As I was getting ready, my mind flashed this morning to all the happenings in the future.  Of course, we'll have to go see the baby here soon.  We'll have to coo and ooohhh and ahhhhh over him.  Its not like he won't be cute or undeserving of the attention and praise, but rather, my heart will be breaking inside.  He'll be the center of attention when we go back to MIL & FIL's for a family gathering.  Everything will revolve around him ... especially knowing MIL.  There will be so many comments about baby.  All the while ignoring the infertile person who will hear them.  I want to scream at them all that "I have been trying to get pregnant for 5-1/2 years ... don't you know the hurt I feel?" ... 'cause they don't know.  Obviously.  They have sex one time when their birth control didn't work, they weren't "trying" and poof ... a baby ... who didn't come according to their plans.  Well ... I wouldn't know ANYTHING about that!

After hubby got out of the shower, my anger erupted again (I had time to think ... which is not always good).  I yelled at hubby.  I didn't want to get updates.  Who is their right mind would think I would?  I thought I had accepted what was going to happen, but I guess I really didn't.  You see, I had practiced the super-effective technique of "avoidance" ... but now I can't avoid it anymore (in reality, its not so effective ... don't try that yourself.) 

I don't know where the anger comes from.  I'm mad at God.  I wonder when will it be my turn?  How long do I have to wait?  Why do others who don't want a baby get one ... not me?  Please understand, I do NOT hate the baby, but I do hate what kind of person I've become.  I can't get rid of the anger and hurt and JEALOUSY.  I'm mad at the fact that no one IRL understands my infertility and thinks about whether or not I have to be included for some things, or hear certain comments for that matter.  They are all super-fertile, so of course that's not on their radar.

This morning, hubby said "You're going to have to get used to it."  I find his comments unhelpful.  Of course, he doesn't feel like being helpful or kind once I've yelled at him, either, so if I'm thinking straight, I can't blame him.  How do I "get used to it?"  How do I swallow my anger/hurt/jealousy towards my BIL, SIL & MIL?  I'm going to need some coping tips.

Congrats & A Video Link

Congrats to G @ Renewing Moments for her new adorable, baby daughter that she met on Friday, Jan 13th!  Who says Friday the 13th is unlucky?  :-)  Head over to her blog to congratulate G and her family!


I just *HAD* to share this amazing video graciously posted by Jen @ Forever, For Always, No Matter What!  You'll have to watch it, then watch it again.  Share it and make those around you THINK!

Updates

I've had alot of posts that I've written in my head that have never actually made it to the blog  (they're the best ones!) ... but I wanted to do a quick update on what's been going on in my life.

I finally decided this year to write a Christmas letter to our families and friends.  In the letter, we disclosed the news that we are adopting and have been approved to do so.  We also included the following paragraph to help people see a little of what our struggle was.

"As many of you know, we have desperately wanted to start our family for years now.  After Amanda’s surgeries last year, we thought they would do the trick, along with various medicines, but there are still underlying issues that we haven’t found.  Although we are still open to life, we desire to be parents more than we wish to have a biological child.  Because of this, we have spent the last six months researching, doing paperwork and completing a home study so we can adopt a child.  As of October 21, we are officially approved to be adoptive parents should a birth mother choose us!  We are using a local agency, coupled with a lawyer, in hopes that we can have more exposure.  It has been difficult watching as our family and friends begin and expand their families as we still wait to become parents.  We ask for your prayers as we carry this cross, as well as for God’s guidance in the adoption process, both for us and for all birth parents, who have difficult decisions to make."

We celebrated Christmas with our families in our hometowns, spending a few days with each family.  We started with the hubby's parents in northern Kansas up to Christmas Eve.  Hubby's brother that hadn't been to a family Christmas in 2 years showed up and it was great to see him again!  It was a good time with his family ... up to the opening of the Christmas presents.  We draw names to buy just one gift and that went well.  Then at the end, was "Baby J" gift time, for the new grandbaby-to-be.  Hubby's mom had wrapped up a monogrammed suitcase with the baby's name on it and had stuffed it with baby clothes out the whazoo.  We spent about 15 minutes watching the new parents-to-be pull out outfit after outfit.  While it was worse than having my wisdom teeth pulled, no one else realized it was (Hello!  Didn't they read my letter?).  Hubby gave up feigning interest and decided to play on his iPad.  I gave up looking in their direction at all and began counting everything in sight to keep from crying and tried to think of all the people that had requested prayers and tried to offer up my situation for them.  I wasn't in the greatest of moods after that and it really affected my mood the next day at my parent's house.

My dad, ever so thoughtfully, had read an article in the Columbia magazine about a couple's use of NFP, adopting, and then seeking treatment from the Pope Paul VI Institute.  After their first adopted son, they had four more kids with the help of PPVI.  He had saved the magazine article and gave it to me to read after we arrived.  It may have been uplifting to some, but at the time, I wasn't having it and got sad at the fact that not all stories end up with such a happy ending.  I know that someday I'll have a baby, but it seems to take forever to get there!

After Christmas celebrations with the family, we came back home and I wrote Thank You's (yes, I believe in Thank You's for all gifts) to my family and apologized for my lack of enthusiasm and "Pouty Patty" attitude.  Sometimes its easier to get out my feelings in writing rather than in words, as I would cry before anyone could understand what I was saying.  This week, I got the most wonderful, handwritten card back from my dad (that I'm saving for all eternity).  I received it at work, so was a mess after I read it.  Here are a few snippets that make me weepy:

"As a parent, I can feel the pain you are experiencing, as for us it took over three years to conceive you and the emptiness you feel in waiting ... You and DH have done all the right things up to this point and continue on with them.  As humans, we want things to happen on our time schedule, but the Lord has His plan and it is a much better one.  I know the both of you have faith in the Lord & Blessed Mother and you have shown the love you have for them and for each other.  So what you need to do now is to HOPE ... and that takes a deep committment.  God has heard your pleading and petitions and He will answer you, for where two or three ask in His name, He will respond.  I had read just recently that after having received Holy Communion, and as well as when going to Mass, to ask God for a special intention, for that is when He is close to you.  I am saying a daily prayer for you to St. Joseph, as he had lived a life of trust and great virtue and is always at our side to help ... I don't think DH's mom had meant to hurt your feelings, but that has happened and it is hard to overlook ... Continue to pray as I am for you and one day it will be sweet success."

I can't tell you how good it felt (and still feels) to be validated in my feelings to become a mother.

One of our other big Christmas Letter Announcements is that we are also working with a lawyer in a larger town about 1-1/2 hours south of us, in addition to our caseworker at Catholic Charities in our town.  They have more exposure and we didn't have to do much more than write a single letter for the both of us (a total of 2 pages, vs 3-5 pages) and narrow our pictures down to six.  It was hard, considering we'd made Mixb.ooks of photos and stories of us, and had just ordered eight more.  The lawyer said that they want everyone to be on an "equal" playing field.  Well, I don't!  I want the care and detail I went into to be reflected in how much I desire to become a mom and for that to be evident.  Oh well.  I will have eight momentos now.  Our lawyer has afforded us with more exposure and opportunities, as in my last post.  THANK YOU to all who commented and prayed.  We haven't heard more about that opportunity, but decided to include our profile in the running.  In addition to that opportunity, we have had several other times to have our profile shown, and are just praying that we'll know when the "right one" comes along.  That ... and we need to save more money!  The big number at the end is scary!!!

I've also been talking (over email) to my BFF, who recently told me she was pregnant with twins.  I disclosed my hate/hate relationship with Faceb.ook and why I don't check it anymore (too much baby stuff) ... and also how I don't handle baby situations well.  She is surprisingly ok with it and even volunteered to come see me in the next few months.  I'm really considering it, and might to decide to drive to see her, as I'm sure traveling isn't fun while pregnant, but especially not with twins.  I'm trying to think of it from the flip side of the coin, and I'm glad that she is too.  I told her about the suitcase full of baby clothes and how I was hurt and she agreed that she would have felt the same and probably stormed off.  I'm glad God is working with us (me especially) on our relationship and preserving it.

Today is my SIL's baby shower (for baby J).  I decided not to go.  I'm sure some of you will think that cowardly and some of you not, but for me, its what I need to do right now.  I hope that if my SIL were in my shoes, she would understand how painful it would be to attend.  I'm sure enough happy people (like my going overboard MIL) will be there that she will have a great time anyway.
                           _____________________________________________________

Awhile ago, I had the opportunity to pick a saint for 2012 ... mine is St. Francis Xavier Cabrini.  She is the patron of immigrants, emigrants, hospital administrators, orphans & against malaria.  I'm not sure quite how that fits, but I am sort of an "administrator" at work ... I'm the hub and information person ... so maybe that's why.

Inspired by the grace of God, we join the saints in honoring the holy virgin Frances Xavier Cabrini. She was a humble woman who became outstanding not because she was famous or rich or powerful, but because she lived a virtuous life. From the tender years of her youth, she kept her innocence as white as a lily and preserved it carefully with the thorns of penitence; as the years progressed, she was moved by a certain instinct and supernatural zeal to dedicate her whole life to the service and greater glory of God. She welcomed delinquent youths into safe homes, and taught them to live upright and holy lives. She consoled those who were in prison, and recalled to them the hope of eternal life. She encouraged prisoners to reform themselves, and to live honest lives. She comforted the sick and the infirm in the hospitals, and diligently cared for them. She extended a friendly and helping hand especially to immigrants, and offered them necessary shelter and relief, for having left their homeland behind, they were wandering about in a foreign land with no place to turn for help. Because of their condition, she saw that they were in danger of deserting the practice of Christian virtues and their Catholic faith. Undoubtedly she accomplished all this through the faith which was always so vibrant and alive in her heart; through the divine love which burned within her; and finally, through constant prayer by which she was so closely united with God from whom she humbly asked and obtained whatever her human weakness could not obtain. Although her constitution was very frail, her spirit was endowed with such singular strength that, knowing the will of God in her regard, she permitted nothing to impede her from accomplishing what seemed beyond her strength. 

- from a homily at the Canonization of Saint Frances Xavier Cabrini by Pope Pius XII

How do you decide?

We have had some opportunities in the last month or so about whether we are interested in having our profile shown to a birth mom who has used drugs.  One has used heroin for the first 4 months of her pregnancy.

What has been your experience with this?  Has anyone adopted children exposed to drug use, especially serious drug use?  I'm praying for God's guidance, but can't figure out what to do in those situations.

Any & all advice is greatly appreciated!

Prayer Buddy Reveal

I had the privilege of praying for CM at Confessions of a Catholic Mutt. I enjoyed praying for her intentions to find that special someone and have enjoyed offering up what I can for her, including the St. Andrew Chaplet, rosaries and the daily inconveniences and hurts. CM, know that I will keep you in my prayers! Please have faith that God will hear your prayer!

NaPro vs. IVF

On my last post, there were a few questions about why IUI and IVF are wrong.  I've copied what I wrote to the question-asker, but I thought you all might provide more input too.  Please comment what I'm missing or miss-stating.  I'm not eloquent in my defense, but I hope it makes sense.  There's a lot of ground to cover.  I'm not offended at all by the question ... I just want to make sure I cover the topic thoroughly and accurately to provide good information.

Here's a great link about 10 Reasons to Choose NaPro over IVF

I believe IVF is wrong for the fact that the doctors combine the sperm and egg in a petri dish.  They take the marital act between a man & wife out of the equation.  If you've had trans-vaginal ultrasounds (where they wand you up your privates) or any other test that's invasive or impersonal, then I'm sure that's what it feels like to "make" a baby via IVF.  The doctor has you up on stirrups, inserting embryos inside you and hoping they'll take.  The embryos are actually babies, as the sperm and egg have united and have begun cell division, which I (and other Catholics and pro-lifers) acknowledge as a human life.  Also, the doctor will "selectively reduce" the number of embryos  (babies) that he implants in the mother.  That's considered killing.  Its a crime, no matter how small a baby is.  If the embryos don't take, then the babies die.  Now, mind you, it wasn't the intent of the doctor, the mother or the father to let the babies die, but sometimes that's what happens.  There's a disease that's unidentified inside the mother, there's implantation problems that aren't identified ... and a host of other problems.  The IVF (or IUI) doesn't take care of the underlying health problems that are prohibiting conception.  Its all fine and dandy that the doctor has made a viable baby in a petri dish from the mother and father, but there's no guarantee of life for the baby.  To me, that's the heartbreaking part.  To create a life, with no guarantee of a chance at birth is selfish of the parents.  I would not wish a baby that my husband and I created to not be born.  But that happens sometimes when you choose IUI and IVF.  For that reason, just for the plain fact that my husband and I haven't co-created a life and the fact that the baby may not survive are two reasons that I believe IVF is wrong, excluding quotes from the Bible or other sources.  I don't want to play God.  For us, there are plenty of other children that we can parent and love.  For us, we want to be parents ultimately, not just reproduce ourselves.  There are so many people who have had multiple IUI's or IVF's.  Its not a guarantee of a child.  This is to say nothing to the financial cost of IVF or the turmoil it takes on the prospective mother.  There are many drugs/hormones that the prospective mother has to take to produce eggs and create the proper environment for the baby.  When you mess with a woman's hormones, watch out!  :-)

Regarding IUI's, the Catholic Church has not ruled one way or another (to my knowledge) that this is a sin.  What happens in an IUI is that the sperm is deposited up inside by the cervix, bypassing the cervical mucus (which sometimes is the culprit).  My cousin who has been trying for six years had an IUI, which resulted in a baby.  Although it worked for her, for me, it still negates the loving act between a husband and wife of co-creating a child.  If I'm not meant to have a child, that's fine ... but I wish God would send me a sign sometimes instead of me guessing.  We are still open to life, although it hasn't happened yet.  We're building our marriage and strengthening our relationship the "old-fashioned" way.  Once we have a child, we will need the strength of our marriage to make things work.

If my husband and I can't create a life together, we will love the life (lives) that God brings to us.  Perhaps this is our "signal" that God chooses us to be adoptive parents.  This is not a "second choice" for us.  This is the way that we will create our family.  By choosing adoption as the way to build our family, we are sharing all the love we have with a child.  They will be ours, regardless of whether we created them.  Many adoptive moms will tell you the same.  

I don't know if this response addresses all of your questions.  I'm posting this on my blog so that others can comment and provide additional information.  Please don't hesitate to email me back or ask further questions.  I'm more than happy to discuss anything with you.  The journey to parenthood is rocky and we need all the help we can get!  :-)

You might check out the following website for more info on NaPro:  NaPro FAQ   This is the treatment that I use ... NaPro Technology (aka Creighton).  This uses a woman's cervical mucus (CM) to see when she's most fertile, as well as charting the mucus signs.  In doing it this way, the NaPro doctor can see if there are other health issues that are preventing a pregnancy.  I've discovered several things through charting and observing my CM ... hormone issues, a post-ovulation defect, endometriosis.  These are things your normal doctor or an IVF doctor won't check for.  NaPro / Creighton is about treating underlying diseases in a woman so she is overall healthy, which then may result in a pregnancy.  That's also how insurance can cover treatments ... its a general health issue.

I feel like I've skipped around a bit ... this is a lot of information.  Please comment or email me with questions.  And ... please know that I'm praying for you!

Frustration

So, I've been staying off of Facebook for several reasons ... I don't want to see anyone's ultrasound picture and I don't want to hear/read about babies.  I'm blissfully ignorant.
Tonight, my sister calls me and in the process of our conversation asks me if I saw M&K who had posted their infertility story on FB and others had shared their link.  I go to check it out and its about how they want to win a "Free IVF Cycle" at one of the clinics ... vote for us!
They had made and edited a video of "their story" and it was well produced and all, but I couldn't shake the disgust I felt when watching it.  These are two people I grew up with, both attending the same Catholic High School I went to.  What I can't follow is how we apparently didn't attend the same religion classes, b/c they can't figure out that as Catholics, we believe that IVF is a mortal sin!  I think this would be their third attempt and they've posted that they've had 4th miscarriages from IUI's & an IVF before.
I feel compelled to say something.  It wasn't just them who were asking for votes, it was the rest of my fellow thought-to-be-Catholic classmates and mothers-of-classmates who were sharing the link and actually VOTING for them!  Like they, as Catholics, didn't know WHY they shouldn't (the super disgusting / disturbing thing is that many of them go to Communion without a second thought).  Ummm, maybe prayer is the answer, not voting for an IVF win.  Isn't this voting for them is some way a sin of sorts?
UGHHHHH!!!  I'm so disgusted.  I feel bad for M&K because they have lost babies, but I just want to scream at them through my computer and post something irrational.  I had to close the site before I did something stupid, but this situation drives me NUTS!!!   I'd better get off the internet before I post something in FB that I can't take back.

I'm sure there are blog readers who support IVF, but as a Catholic, I do not.  It is leaves God out of the act of conception.  If you don't believe the same as I do, please don't comment.  I don't want to debate you on your belief system.  This is my opinion and its not gonna be changed.

Thank You!

I thought I'd post an update to let you know how the talk went with my friend.  It didn't.  I expected her to give me a call, as I let her know what a good time was to call, but she never did.  I figured maybe she fell asleep or something.  I distracted myself today with reading blogs and budgeting, but secretly, I hoped all day that she wouldn't call.  I am a bit of a chicken, but I'm glad that I have more time before talking to her.
I want to say a HUGE Thank You to all of you who have prayed and lifted me up in prayer as I faced the aftermath of my emotions due to her announcement and as I asked for help in what to do regarding her phone call!!!  I am humbled at your friendship, your kind words and your prayers for me. Just a few days ago, I was so horribly angry and upset.  Thanks to your advice & prayers, I can say that today I don't feel such raw emotions ... even after spending the morning with my pregnant SIL & BIL who spent the night last night and half the day with us.  I even had pleasant conversation with them!  Gasp!  Seeing her baby bump was mildly irritating, because I want a baby too, but I tried to be happy for them and it didn't hurt quite so bad as I thought.  I hope these feelings will stay after today.
Thank you for all your comments and sharing your experiences.  Each and every comment means so much to me and I will be following the wonderful suggestions you provided when I talk to my pregnant friend next.  It just helps SO MUCH to know that I'm not alone and what I'm feeling is normal.