Well, ladies, I'm still here in Infertility Camp with you. After getting to P+16, I called the doctor to see if I could take a blood test to see what the heck is going on. I was able to schedule one for the next morning on P+17. I prayed to God and asked for the intercession of St. Gerard & St. Gianna ... this could be it! I prayed for God's will be done, as it was out of my hands.
I have never reached P+16 in all my years of charting (the longest was P+14), so I was a little excited that this could be it, but of course, I wasn't sure that this was it due to all the negative pregnancy tests. I didn't feel any different. I prayed that I would get my period before I had to go in for a blood test so I wouldn't look "stupid" if the results came back negative. I went to the bathroom alot to make sure AF still wasn't here ... and the morning of P+17, she still hadn't showed. Hooray! I was excited to do an "official" pregnancy bloodwork panel!
The nurse who drew my blood said she was excited for me. She told me that she had trouble getting pregnant too! It took her over 4 years, including a miscarriage, and the next month after the miscarriage she found out she was pregnant. I was grateful she was the one drawing my blood and knew that God had put her there just for me, as she'd never drawn my blood before.
Well, I must give a kudos to the hospital lab. The results were ready in less than an hour. And, wouldn't you know it, I found out myself before the phone call from the doctor. AF showed up that morning about 1/2 hour after the blood draw. Argh! So much for not looking "stupid!" (ha ha) Then I got a call from my local doctor who apologized that she couldn't give me better news. Oh well, I didn't "feel" pregnant anyway.
On my drive that morning, I put some things in perspective. Instead of being down, I get a whole new cycle to try again. I am going to continue to eat better and exercise (two things I haven't been great about doing). I am also going to pray a novena to St. Gerard on days 1-9 of my cycle, asking for his intercession that this next cycle is "the one." I get to start a new medication (T3), which should help my crazy thyroid (who just could be the culprit). I also get to add Mu.cinex to my list of mucus-enhancing drugs and I'll hopefully see better results.
I didn't get my "fantasy Mothers Day" scenario, but I think I did see a few "signs" from God these last few days about sticking with trying for a baby of our own (vs. adoption). I was able to get to P+16 (yea for a long luteal phase) and I met the nurse who shared her story. My dad also told me that he has been praying a novena for me and will send me some prayer cards. I am so happy that I am in this positive state of mind and I got to see (what I think) are some signs! :)
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Waiting for the other shoe to drop .....
Happy Easter to everyone! It ended up being much longer between blog posts than I'd thought. My hubby (J) and I went up to see our parents over the Easter weekend and ended up taking Monday off from work. We have about 1.5 hours to see his parents and then another hour up towards my parents. Luckily, J's parents house is on the way to my hometown, so we are always able to see our parents on all the holidays, splitting the typical 2 day weekend between both places. Sometimes its harder having both sets of parents so close, as one set always wants to spend more time than we can allow. I also got to see one of my oldest friends and her family this weekend. She has four boys ranging from ages 2 up to 7. Wow! They have a LOT of energy! (So cute though.) We were also able to chat with my Grandma and J's Grandma and Grandpa, which we see on the "big" holidays only. Its just to hard to get everyone together, especially as everyone gets married and has to "compromise" with the new in-laws. I am lucky, though. I got a great extended family.
The highlight of my weekend came via recommendation by my mother-in-law. She recommended a Lifetime movie about this lady who wanted to get pregnant and ended up having 6 babies all at once. She wants me to try "some of that" and doesn't understand why I won't do IVF. She is Grandbaby-CRAZY! We are the first to get married out of all the kids on both sides, so after 4-1/2 years of "waiting" (not-so-patiently, by the way), there are hints and questions and suggestions out the whazoo. Like this one about a month ago, "There are lots of Japanese orphans since the tsunami / earthquake. Why don't you adopt one of them?" What do you say to that, other than letting your husband roll his eyes at his mother? Its hard to say anything other than just smile and say "oh, I'll check into it" because you're the in-law. My parents aren't as bad, thankfully. I'm sure it is due to the fact that it took them 3-1/2 years to have me. Its just so hard when people (like my m-i-l) can't relate. She had 4 kids all in a row when she wanted and ended up getting her tubes tied so she didn't have to have any more. I wish I had her fertility system!
Speaking of my incapable organs, I am sitting here at P + 15 and waiting for baited breath. When am I going to get my period? I'm sure it will start tonight ... right before I get the chance tomorrow to go to the doctor for a blood draw. My local doctor said that if I get to P + 16 and don't have my period to come in for a blood test. I've never had the chance. I took a pregnancy test this morning (the strip kind you dunk in your pee that they send you with a group of ovulation strips). It was negative, of course. While I was waiting for the result, I pictured the most perfect Mothers Day ... we were able to buy a "Grand" Mothers Day card for our moms and tell everyone then. Now, I'm just counting down the hours until tomorrow and praying that I don't get my period by tomorrow at lunch so I can go in for a blood test. I'm hoping and praying that this could be the month!
The highlight of my weekend came via recommendation by my mother-in-law. She recommended a Lifetime movie about this lady who wanted to get pregnant and ended up having 6 babies all at once. She wants me to try "some of that" and doesn't understand why I won't do IVF. She is Grandbaby-CRAZY! We are the first to get married out of all the kids on both sides, so after 4-1/2 years of "waiting" (not-so-patiently, by the way), there are hints and questions and suggestions out the whazoo. Like this one about a month ago, "There are lots of Japanese orphans since the tsunami / earthquake. Why don't you adopt one of them?" What do you say to that, other than letting your husband roll his eyes at his mother? Its hard to say anything other than just smile and say "oh, I'll check into it" because you're the in-law. My parents aren't as bad, thankfully. I'm sure it is due to the fact that it took them 3-1/2 years to have me. Its just so hard when people (like my m-i-l) can't relate. She had 4 kids all in a row when she wanted and ended up getting her tubes tied so she didn't have to have any more. I wish I had her fertility system!
Speaking of my incapable organs, I am sitting here at P + 15 and waiting for baited breath. When am I going to get my period? I'm sure it will start tonight ... right before I get the chance tomorrow to go to the doctor for a blood draw. My local doctor said that if I get to P + 16 and don't have my period to come in for a blood test. I've never had the chance. I took a pregnancy test this morning (the strip kind you dunk in your pee that they send you with a group of ovulation strips). It was negative, of course. While I was waiting for the result, I pictured the most perfect Mothers Day ... we were able to buy a "Grand" Mothers Day card for our moms and tell everyone then. Now, I'm just counting down the hours until tomorrow and praying that I don't get my period by tomorrow at lunch so I can go in for a blood test. I'm hoping and praying that this could be the month!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
10 day wait ....
Well, I'm patiently waiting again for this cycle to be over with. I have 10 days left until P+15 (or CD 1). I am usually a "P+13 or 14" kind of gal. I thought this cycle kind of sucked, myself, with sporadic 8CKL mucus only showing up after I go #2 (TMI, I know ... but I think that low 'fluid' is my #1 problem). I am on Amoxicillian day 10 up to Peak and it seems like things start out with a bang on day 9 (before I even take the Amox), but then it tapers off. I'll have to ask the nurse at my next cycle review if there's something else we can do.
At the end of April, it will be 7 months since my laparotomy at PPVI. It will be only 3 months since my thyroid surgery, which I guess was when they said I'd have the best chance to try ... not knowing what my crazy thyroid was doing. There have been a LOT of great pregnancy announcements from the infertility blogs in the last month! I am SO happy for everyone ... yet so jealous at the same time (darn my human nature). I wanted to be one of those people who conceived soon after my surgery ... to make it all worth it. I am an over-achiever. That's what I strive to be, both at work and in baby-making. (At home is a different story. I am not a great or a motivated house-cleaner!)
I guess the reason the name of my blog is what it is, is to remind myself that I should be patient. My husband, the eternal optimist, tells me, "It is in God's hands. It is in His timing." So I wait. The hardest thing for me to do. While others celebrate their good news, I must be patient. It is so hard. I calculated this morning ... at our 5 year anniversary in August, it will have been 60 cycles of waiting.
What is God's plan in all of this? We have bought a house and fixed it up. Although we are blessed financially to not have a child yet and can spend it on non-baby-related items/expenses, I feel like we're also missing out on LIFE. Smiles, first steps, hugs, bonding, seeing your husband as a great father, making your parents Grandparents for the first time ... the list goes on.
When does my life start? Will God provide me the opportunity to birth a baby? Will His plan be for us to adopt? Where is a SIGN? I keep looking, but don't see one in sight. I am not in 'total' despair that God doesn't hear me; I believe He asks us to call out to Him. I want to begin my LIFE right away. With all the negativeness of the last 55 cycles, I don't hold out much hope for this one. Just call me Debbie. Debbie Downer.
At the end of April, it will be 7 months since my laparotomy at PPVI. It will be only 3 months since my thyroid surgery, which I guess was when they said I'd have the best chance to try ... not knowing what my crazy thyroid was doing. There have been a LOT of great pregnancy announcements from the infertility blogs in the last month! I am SO happy for everyone ... yet so jealous at the same time (darn my human nature). I wanted to be one of those people who conceived soon after my surgery ... to make it all worth it. I am an over-achiever. That's what I strive to be, both at work and in baby-making. (At home is a different story. I am not a great or a motivated house-cleaner!)
If you tell me to do something, I will do it. The semi-exception is the Endometriosis Diet, which I think is SO hard! Diets have never been my forte. I have provided my local doctor with all the info that she would ever want in reference to NFP and my health. She wanted to just copy my chart at my office visits ... I provided her pre-made color copies all taped together. She tells me to lose weight, it will help ... I join NutraSystem and lose 20 lbs (it didn't help, I still went to PPVI and had 3 surgeries).
I guess the reason the name of my blog is what it is, is to remind myself that I should be patient. My husband, the eternal optimist, tells me, "It is in God's hands. It is in His timing." So I wait. The hardest thing for me to do. While others celebrate their good news, I must be patient. It is so hard. I calculated this morning ... at our 5 year anniversary in August, it will have been 60 cycles of waiting.
What is God's plan in all of this? We have bought a house and fixed it up. Although we are blessed financially to not have a child yet and can spend it on non-baby-related items/expenses, I feel like we're also missing out on LIFE. Smiles, first steps, hugs, bonding, seeing your husband as a great father, making your parents Grandparents for the first time ... the list goes on.
When does my life start? Will God provide me the opportunity to birth a baby? Will His plan be for us to adopt? Where is a SIGN? I keep looking, but don't see one in sight. I am not in 'total' despair that God doesn't hear me; I believe He asks us to call out to Him. I want to begin my LIFE right away. With all the negativeness of the last 55 cycles, I don't hold out much hope for this one. Just call me Debbie. Debbie Downer.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Wow! My First Post!
Hello to everyone that may read this! I've been "blog-stalking" most of you for awhile now. :) It all started on the drive back from Omaha after my laparotomy in September 2010. I was feeling just generally down-in-the-dumps ... like you do after your stomach has been sliced open ... and was on the iPad just killing time and searching the internet for someone also in my misery. Well, I found someone!
While my husband drove us back to Kansas, I started reading the blog written by "Sew Infertile" (now Sew Hormonal) from the very beginning. It took the rest of the car ride. I was hooked. Here was someone who could identify with my struggles to get pregnant, had a worse surgery experience than I did ... and now was pregnant! How inspiring! That was where I wanted to be soon!
From Sew's blog, I hopped over to several other blogs and started reading those as well. There are so many inspiring success stories, as well as those of us still in the infertile trenches, figuring out the "combinations" it takes of God, prayer & drugs to be blessed with a child.
Although I've never been blessed to be pregnant yet, like many of you, I am hoping it will be soon. I kept holding off starting this blog, thinking "Why would start an infertile blog? I will be pregnant soon." Ha Ha. My best laid plans don't coincide what God has in store for me. I am the person who hasn't painted the 3rd bedroom in our house because "I'll have to re-paint it 'soon' for a nursery." Well, after almost 5 years, that hasn't happened and the marks on the wall from the previous homeowners are still there.
Obviously, no one knows the plans God has in store for me ... and you can see that I haven't correctly "guessed" them yet! :) I hope you'll continue to follow me on my journey and see how His Perfect Timing unfolds in my life.
While my husband drove us back to Kansas, I started reading the blog written by "Sew Infertile" (now Sew Hormonal) from the very beginning. It took the rest of the car ride. I was hooked. Here was someone who could identify with my struggles to get pregnant, had a worse surgery experience than I did ... and now was pregnant! How inspiring! That was where I wanted to be soon!
From Sew's blog, I hopped over to several other blogs and started reading those as well. There are so many inspiring success stories, as well as those of us still in the infertile trenches, figuring out the "combinations" it takes of God, prayer & drugs to be blessed with a child.
Although I've never been blessed to be pregnant yet, like many of you, I am hoping it will be soon. I kept holding off starting this blog, thinking "Why would start an infertile blog? I will be pregnant soon." Ha Ha. My best laid plans don't coincide what God has in store for me. I am the person who hasn't painted the 3rd bedroom in our house because "I'll have to re-paint it 'soon' for a nursery." Well, after almost 5 years, that hasn't happened and the marks on the wall from the previous homeowners are still there.
Obviously, no one knows the plans God has in store for me ... and you can see that I haven't correctly "guessed" them yet! :) I hope you'll continue to follow me on my journey and see how His Perfect Timing unfolds in my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)