We met his Mom today!

Today at 3 pm we met baby boy's mom, Becca and her mom. I was so nervous all day. I swear I was going to vomit. They don't prep you to meet Birthmoms in IF land. We ended up meeting in the waiting room, as she was the only pregnant lady there with her mom. We smiled at each other.
I can't imagine how nervous she was, but I know how nervous I was. I couldn't think of anything to say. I wanted to look the best for her, and so did my hubby. He wanted us to get there 10 minutes early so "she would know how much we care about her baby."
She told us she picked us partly because we had waited so long. I was touched! We talked about the birth plan and the plan for contact through the years. We talked about name choices. We found out Becca's mom works up near where hubby's parents live. I also noticed that she wrote down Catholic under her religious affiliation. I had prayed to God to show me how and if this was the right situation, and I believe it is, due to our conversation today.
Overall, it was awkward at first, but I think it was all the pressure we all felt. I hope we conveyed how much we wanted to be parents to her son. We asked Sue what she thought about Becca going through with the adoption and she felt really good, although she stressed there was no guarantee.
Hubby and I feel confident in her decision and will be going forward making arrangements, painting his room, finding a lawyer, and all the fun stuff that comes with babies. We told our families to wait with holding a shower until we have the baby, as I want to make sure we have a baby to celebrate. Thus is getting more real by the day!
Thank you for all your prayers and congratulations! We know they are how hubby and I have stayed as calm as we have in the last week. Please keep us, Becca, baby boy and Becca's family in your prayers in the month ahead. I know your prayers have prayed up this baby. I have no doubt about that!

This could be it!!!!

Friday turned out to be a pretty great day!
I vented to my hubby about being stressed out about work via text in the morning.  He was such a sweetie that he brought me flowers and chocolate at lunch!  I was blown away.  It was so unexpected.

I thought the day couldn't get any better.  And then ...

We got The Call at 3:18 pm from Sue, our Adoption Case Worker in our town.  She told me that we were picked by a Birthmom who is due April 1st!

I don't remember thinking much of anything except, "Can this really be happening?"  I asked her some questions to get more detail and then got off the phone and squealed!  I galloped back to my co-worker's office and told her excitedly that we got picked to be parents!

I then made the exciting phone call to break the news to my hubby with the following details:
 - She is a young mom with one child already.
 - She lives in our city, but is moving to a town about 30 mins. south in about 6 months
 - She wants to meet us this coming week
 - She wants to have an open adoption with pictures, cards, letters
 - She took our photo book home with her and feels that we are the couple to raise her son
 - Our case worker feels confident that she is serious (although we are still cautious)

I was also told the sex of the baby (I couldn't resist!).
We are having a ......

BABY BOY!!!

I ask your prayers that we will connect with the Birthmom at our meeting next week and that she will go through with this adoption, although we pray that God's will be done, no matter the outcome.  I know that several ladies have had failed adoptions, and I am trying to steel my heart against being too excited.  But its hard.   My mind has been racing with disbelief, then joy, then mentally planning what to do for EVERYTHING, then back to the possibility that this baby may not be guaranteed to us.  I feel like I'm on a roller-coaster of emotion, yet trying to trust in God's plan.

Any prayers & advice you have during this time is appreciated, as are prayers for the Birthmom's and Baby's health and a safe delivery.  I will keep you updated after our meeting next week.

Thank You!

I have to THANK YOU ALL for your wonderful advice and wisdom in your comments and emails.  You have made such an impact in my life, its unbelievable!  You are all my trusted friends.

We didn't end up going to see the baby this weekend.  The roads were good enough that we traveled to a friend's wedding that we'd planned on.  I'd kind of hoped that was the case, but was ready to see the baby anyway.

Several of you mentioned sending a card, which we are doing.  Also, there were suggestions about having an excuse to leave, which I think is a must for when we do go.  And of course, we'll probably give ourselves a treat afterwards by celebrating "us."

I'm not afraid now of seeing the baby.  I'm sure my stomach will be in knots a little once we get there, but I feel stronger now, that I can see the baby.  I will imagine all of my blogger friends there with me.  I've been checking out Fac.ebook so I can get "used to" all the comments, pictures, happiness oozing out everywhere, etc from the parents, grandparents, relatives and such.  It hurts to see the pictures and read the comments, but I know of no other way to "condition" myself for what I will face.

Since we have to drive 2-1/2 hours one way to see the baby & parents, we'll probably work it into a weekend trip out there.  Its a long day if we spend 5 hours driving and an hour visiting.  I hope the new parents will understand.  From what it sounds like now, the baby sleeps most of the time anyway.  I have to work weekends for my job and it doesn't help that I have to work the next two weekends either.  After that, I plan to take a weekend and go see my pregnant friend with twins.  (Gulp!)

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for all the prayers!

                    *******************

Now, head on over and congratulate these ladies ....

Meghan just recently had baby Christian, who was truly a miracle pregnancy (read her story from the beginning!).  Please congratulate her and her family on their newest addition!

Jenny at All Things just recently announced that she is pregnant after the craziest cycle of charting!  Please send her your Best Wishes on this happy announcement!

Weekend Plans

This morning, my hubby asked me to ask my blog ladies about what they thought on when to plan to visit our new nephew.  We have a wedding reception we are planning on going to this weekend up north, but if the weather is bad (they predict 7-15 in. of snow), we might change our plans ... and hubby says we'll have to go see the new baby.  As Faith Makes Things Possible said in her comment on my last post, it may help to see the baby to overcome my hurt, anger and jealousy.  I am hoping it will prove the same for me.

But is this weekend too soon?  BIL & SIL live about 2-1/2 hours east of us (they won't get as much snow).  Of course, the baby's grandparents and one of hubby's brothers have been there already and may be there over the weekend too.  I anticipate lots of other friends & family visiting this weekend as well.  I guess if we went this weekend to see the baby instead of driving into the bad weather for the wedding reception, it would take the spotlight off of us saying much of anything, but I'm wondering if its too soon for me.  I know I will visit at some point (within the next few months, I'm sure), but want my heart to heal a bit.  I'm afraid of all the excited baby-crazed people and their off-hand comments that I might take to heart too much.  I'm also afraid of the gushing of the new parents over their baby.  I'm afraid of crying when I hold him, because I long for a baby too.  But I also know in the back of my mind that I shouldn't steal their joy ... but if I'm not there to cry or be hurt, then I can't do that, right?

In your opinion, when do you think we should drive over to see the parents and baby?
 

It Happens Today

I guess today is the "official" day I become an aunt.  My BIL texted my hubby this morning to say that they're in the hospital and hope to have the baby around noon today.  There's no more avoiding them in real life.  The baby is coming early, as they were due on Valentine's Day ... a day which my MIL on FB said "Was so, so perfect for the first Grandchild" or some crap like that.

I must have known something was up yesterday, b/c I got really angry and upset last night and lashed out at my husband.  We were out running errands and for some reason, I brought up the topic of BIL & SIL & new baby.  Which led to the comment from me about being lapped ... again!  Which led him to say that ... well, your BFF with twins was "older" & "why do I compare myself to her and others?".  Which made me angrier.  I told him you don't say that to an infertile person (actually, I've told him this twice before last night, too).  It wasn't a great night.

This morning as I was getting ready for work, hubby told me they were in the hospital.  I read hubby's texts when he was in the shower ... apparently it was a mass text-message to everyone but me (thank goodness!) ... about the progress of SIL & her labor.  As I was getting ready, my mind flashed this morning to all the happenings in the future.  Of course, we'll have to go see the baby here soon.  We'll have to coo and ooohhh and ahhhhh over him.  Its not like he won't be cute or undeserving of the attention and praise, but rather, my heart will be breaking inside.  He'll be the center of attention when we go back to MIL & FIL's for a family gathering.  Everything will revolve around him ... especially knowing MIL.  There will be so many comments about baby.  All the while ignoring the infertile person who will hear them.  I want to scream at them all that "I have been trying to get pregnant for 5-1/2 years ... don't you know the hurt I feel?" ... 'cause they don't know.  Obviously.  They have sex one time when their birth control didn't work, they weren't "trying" and poof ... a baby ... who didn't come according to their plans.  Well ... I wouldn't know ANYTHING about that!

After hubby got out of the shower, my anger erupted again (I had time to think ... which is not always good).  I yelled at hubby.  I didn't want to get updates.  Who is their right mind would think I would?  I thought I had accepted what was going to happen, but I guess I really didn't.  You see, I had practiced the super-effective technique of "avoidance" ... but now I can't avoid it anymore (in reality, its not so effective ... don't try that yourself.) 

I don't know where the anger comes from.  I'm mad at God.  I wonder when will it be my turn?  How long do I have to wait?  Why do others who don't want a baby get one ... not me?  Please understand, I do NOT hate the baby, but I do hate what kind of person I've become.  I can't get rid of the anger and hurt and JEALOUSY.  I'm mad at the fact that no one IRL understands my infertility and thinks about whether or not I have to be included for some things, or hear certain comments for that matter.  They are all super-fertile, so of course that's not on their radar.

This morning, hubby said "You're going to have to get used to it."  I find his comments unhelpful.  Of course, he doesn't feel like being helpful or kind once I've yelled at him, either, so if I'm thinking straight, I can't blame him.  How do I "get used to it?"  How do I swallow my anger/hurt/jealousy towards my BIL, SIL & MIL?  I'm going to need some coping tips.