Monday, July 25, 2011

Novena to Saints Joachim & Anne

I'm borrowing from PolkaDot's posting of the Novena prayer to Saints Joachim & Anne.  Their feast day is tomorrow, July 26th, and I will be praying this novena starting tomorrow for their intercession to all of us facing Infertility.

Novena to Saints Joachim & Anne:
Good parents of the Blessed Virgin Mary,   grandparents of our Savior, Jesus Christ,
When life seems barren,  

   help us to trust in God’s mercy.
When we are confused,  
   help us to find the way to God.
When we are lost in the desert, 
   lead us to those whom God has called us to love.
When our marriage seems lifeless,
   show us the eternal youth of the Lord.

When we are selfish, 
   teach us to cling only to that which lasts.
When we are afraid,
   help us to trust in God.
When we are ashamed,
   remind us that we are God’s children.
When we sin,
   lead us to do God’s will.
You who know God’s will for husband and wife,
   help us to live chastely. 

You who know God’s will for the family,
   keep all families close to you.
You who suffered without children,
   intercede for all infertile couples.
You who trusted in God’s will,
   help us to respect God’s gift of fertility.
You who gave birth to the Blessed Mother,
   inspire couples to be co-creators with God.
You who taught the Mother of God,
   teach us to nurture children in holy instruction.
You whose hearts trusted in God,
   hear our prayers for . . . (mention your requests here)
Pray with us for the ministry of Catholic family life.
Pray with us for the ministry of Natural Family Planning.
Pray with us for all who give their time, talent and treasure to this good work.
 

Hail Mary. . . Our Father. . . Glory Be to the Father. . .
 

God of our fathers, you gave Saints Anne and Joachim the privilege of being the parents of Mary, the mother of your incarnate Son.  May their prayers help us to attain the salvation you have promised to your people. We ask this through Christ our Lord.  Amen.


Information about Saints Joachim & Anne:
     Novenas to saints Joachim and Ann, as the parents of the Virgin Mary and the grandparents of Jesus Christ, are known for their intense power. Having suffered almost every trial a couple on earth may experience, they are approachable for the solving of any family crisis.
     Shamed by infertility, they were married for twenty years before they had their only child. They faced their daughter’s unexpected pregnancy and her near-desertion by her fiancĂ© with great faith and tolerance. After Saint Joachim died, Saint Ann, in the throes of widowhood, watched as her beloved grandson became a prisoner and was crucified. Saints Joachim and Ann offer the loving acceptance and wisdom of grandparents, and one should never be ashamed to turn to them for any reason.
     Very little factual information is available about the parents of the Virgin Mary. Saint Ann is said to have been twenty years old when she married the forty-nine-year-old Joachim. Comfortable financially, they lived in Nazareth and were faithful followers of the Jewish religion. Each year they divided their income into thirds, offering the first part to the temple for the worship of God, distributing the second to the poor, and keeping the third to maintain their moderate lifestyle. Their great misfortune was their barrenness. At the time, this was considered a divine punishment, and it led ultimately to Joachim’s offering being refused at the temple. Their community began to snub them, considering them inferior. Both Ann and Joachim made a vow to the Lord that if they did have a child, they would consecrate it to his service.
     After twenty years of marriage and no children, and once again humiliated when his offering to the temple was rejected, Joachim, too ashamed to return home, went to live among his shepherds. There, an angel came to him, ordered him to return to his wife, and told him that she was pregnant, saying, “Delayed conceptions and infertile childbearing are all the more wonderful! Your wife will bear you a daughter and you will call her Mary. As you have vowed, she will be consecrated to the Lord from infancy and filled with the Holy Spirit from her mother’s womb.”  Simultaneously, Saint Ann had been given the same news. She gave birth to the Virgin Mary at the age of forty. Saint Joachim was sixty-nine.
     Devoted to God, they raised Mary accordingly. True to their promise, they sent her to live in the temple to serve God when she was three years old. This was an extremely difficult act of faith on their part, surrendering the one thing they cherished most to God. So it was that Mary never lived among common people. She was given extraordinary parents and a sheltered, religious life in the service of God.
     Saint Ann is the better known of the two saints and her cult goes back to the beginning of the church. She is the patroness of housewives and women in labor. Because she kept her home in perfect order, she is the patron of cabinetmakers. In Brittany, Saint Ann has an exalted place. There were many sightings of her there in the 1600s. She is also the patroness of Canada.
     Saint Ann is the patron Saint of: Housewives, Pregnancy, Family Crisis, Cabinetmakers, Brittany and Canada. She is invoked against: Infertility.  Together, Saints Ann and Joachim are the Patron Saints of Parents and Grandparents.  Their Feast Day is July 26.


(Source:  http://novena.com/2009/07/21/509/)

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Cycle Review Update

I had a good cycle review with PPVI.  They are now doing chart reviews via email, which I think will be a good thing, but I didn't get any information on my Progesterone & Estradiol levels last month.  I feel bad bugging them again with all the people they have to help, so I guess I'll just do that this next month.  It is nice that you can just scan your chart instead of reading all the info off to them, as well as typing out your list of meds vs. confirming them over the phone.  I do think I will appreciate that.  I just hate the fact that it takes so long to get an answer back .... usually I'm trying to rush a pharmacy for a prescription so I can take it on Day 3 and PPVI called it in at the last minute.  I would eventually like to donate to their organization so they can add office staff and doctors to help the flow of info to patients, but I'm giving them a pretty penny as it is.  Yikes!

I did find out that I ovulated last month on the left ovary, but I have a small cyst on my right ovary (where DO they come from?).  Plus, they increased the Fe.mara to 40 mg. vs. 25 mg.  I hope that doesn't make my cyst grow huge or anything.  Lately, I've had really bad acne on my face & I didn't know if that's a side effect of the Fe.mara ... or just simply the combo of all the drugs I'm taking.  Either that, or the fact that its 105 outside this week and next week (and was last week too).  Has anyone else had acne that started up b/c of this?  I thought I'd recently found a good combo of products to use for my face & makeup, as my acne has been the clearest its been since puberty (ha!), but now, my face is a mess of bumps again.  Bummer.

Hope you all stay cool!  It looks like no one can avoid this HEAT WAVE!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Finally Getting Started

Thank you for all your kind comments on my last post.  I am feeling better about the whole situation, but I just needed to have a pity party for awhile, I guess.  I'm just a person who doesn't love surprises, especially about babies!  One of the more prominent, recurrent thoughts I've had is ... what if I end up pregnant or adopting in the next nine months?  If I were in my SIL's shoes, how would it feel to have someone so unhappy about my pregnancy, only to be so happy about her own good fortune months later?  That thought has kept me from getting too jealous.

Before the whole "announcement", that previous week, we'd scheduled an appointment with a social worker in a local (very small, but Catholic) agency.  We ended up completing the initial paperwork and spending time talking with her about our family history for about 1-1/2 hours.  She was going to wait until the first of August to get us started with our referencs and all the FBI/fingerprint stuff (she is taking a 2 week vacation at the end of July), but she called in today to let us know that she is getting started yet this week!  Yay!   Our (my) goal is to get our doctor visits done, our birthmother letters done and our profile book done by the time we meet with her next, in the first part of August.  I haven't started.  I need to get in gear, as I end up being a perfectionist and cramming things until the last minute.  I'd just like to not do that so much here.

Today is P+15.  I'm sure AF is around the corner.  Since this is my second month on F.emara, I seem to have alot of LUF's or a cyst from what the ultrasonographer said at my P+4 ultrasound.  I'm a little nervous about that.  More things to fix!  I thought I was eliminating problems, not creating them.  Ack!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Heartbreak

It's been quite the emotional last few days for me. Aside from the physical stress of my 16 year old little brother being down for the week and managing to "help" remodel by basically tearing our basement apart ... and an evil customer at work ... I get to complete my week with a surprise announcement.
We head back to Josh's parents house (which is on the way to drop my brother back off at my parents, as he's 16 and it's a 3 hour drive for a newbie driver) and we stop off at Josh's parents house. We meet his brother there and chat for a bit. Nothing special. Then out of the blue, Josh's brother says "We're expecting." And silence. I squeak out the words "a baby?" and he nods and grins. My stomach drops. My heart breaks. I didn't even know they were trying. He's a teacher, she has 1 year to go in pharmacy school, they're only 25 and have been married for 3 years. "We were thinking about trying in another year" is what Josh's mom fills in. Now that's just great.
Everyone looks at me, waiting for me to say something. I try and smile and say "Congratulations" and hope the conversation changes course. Oh no, it's Josh's mom's first grandchild. "We just know you'll have one soon," his mom says. And she tears up, and I just can't take it anymore, so I tear up too (but for different reasons), holding back the gut wrenching sobs I want to make. And so I apologize for raining on their parade, for what's a jealous infertile to say? What I really think? No. That wouldn't be good.
More baby talk. Josh's brother and sister-in-law are due on Feb 14, and we are filled in on all the details. Why the hell do I have to listen to this? Josh's mom has posted this on Facebook and is proudly announcing her new status to all. Today, she announced it in church that she's a grandma (Thank God I wasn't there). Tonight we went to a potluck fundraiser in their small town with several people who went to church that morning. They all say "Congratulations". Its hard to hear. We end up sitting at the table right across from the new parents and all night, people stop by and give their best wishes. And we are sitting right across the table. It was tough. I was asked, "Aren't you excited to be an aunt?" Fake smile and nod. That should be us. Why hasn't God blessed US with a child after almost 5 years of marriage? We ourselves have prayed, solicited others for prayers in last years Christmas cards and have had other people we dont even know pray for us. Nothing! Why do we still wait, when some people don't even really try and they get pregnant?
I couldn't get past this latest news. It has consumed my thoughts for the last two days. Last night, I had an ugly cry ... in in my old bedroom at my parents house ... If I could have seen the future back then, would I have thought this would be my life? Today, I'm a little more accepting of the new situation. I know it's going to be harder once she starts showing, especially with all the holidays coming up (and a very excited first-time Grandma), and then of course, after the baby is born. I don't hold anything against the new parents, they will be great and I do love them both, it's just that my human side wins out right now. I'm angry and I'm mad. I'm jealous. I'll admit that. I wish it were that easy for me. It's hard to swallow the "someday" phrases offered by other people when you are taking a billion pills, temps / pulses and shots on specific days and getting wanded up your nether parts several times a month. It's just really hard to be happy when your own life is so different and you know there is nothing you can do. It's all out of your control.
Well, I think I'm done moaning for tonight. This is a much shorter and less profane than it would have been last night, so be thankful for the small things. And just so you all know, I'm offering up my heartache and suffering for all of you in the trenches with me. For what I've been through so far, and what I will endure over the next 24 hours ... because we are all spending the night together at Josh's parents house, and there is a new grandma who likes to drop the "B" bomb at every passing opportunity. I will try and make the most of this and be happy for a new life. However, I will be sending an email out to all potential future parents that are my relatives on how to announce that you are pregnant, because I don't want this to ever happen to me again!