So, I've been staying off of Facebook for several reasons ... I don't want to see anyone's ultrasound picture and I don't want to hear/read about babies. I'm blissfully ignorant.
Tonight, my sister calls me and in the process of our conversation asks me if I saw M&K who had posted their infertility story on FB and others had shared their link. I go to check it out and its about how they want to win a "Free IVF Cycle" at one of the clinics ... vote for us!
They had made and edited a video of "their story" and it was well produced and all, but I couldn't shake the disgust I felt when watching it. These are two people I grew up with, both attending the same Catholic High School I went to. What I can't follow is how we apparently didn't attend the same religion classes, b/c they can't figure out that as Catholics, we believe that IVF is a mortal sin! I think this would be their third attempt and they've posted that they've had 4th miscarriages from IUI's & an IVF before.
I feel compelled to say something. It wasn't just them who were asking for votes, it was the rest of my fellow thought-to-be-Catholic classmates and mothers-of-classmates who were sharing the link and actually VOTING for them! Like they, as Catholics, didn't know WHY they shouldn't (the super disgusting / disturbing thing is that many of them go to Communion without a second thought). Ummm, maybe prayer is the answer, not voting for an IVF win. Isn't this voting for them is some way a sin of sorts?
UGHHHHH!!! I'm so disgusted. I feel bad for M&K because they have lost babies, but I just want to scream at them through my computer and post something irrational. I had to close the site before I did something stupid, but this situation drives me NUTS!!! I'd better get off the internet before I post something in FB that I can't take back.
I'm sure there are blog readers who support IVF, but as a Catholic, I do not. It is leaves God out of the act of conception. If you don't believe the same as I do, please don't comment. I don't want to debate you on your belief system. This is my opinion and its not gonna be changed.
Love your opinion ;)
ReplyDeleteWow, that is so frustrating! I've been avoiding FB for similar reasons, and I think a post like that from a friend would really set me off.
ReplyDeleteI generally like to stay off fb; I hate to have the lovely "fb sucker-punch". I used to get on there in a good mood, and one US pic or "my amazing husband/family" post and I was done. However, that's an entirely new twist on the fb frustrations! I agree with your opinion, for sure.
ReplyDeleteYes, FB is a dangerous place...you never know when your whole feed will be full of babies and small children. Mine is more than it's not.
ReplyDeleteI share your opinion and just feel so bad for these couples who are put through IVF and losing babies when there are healthier, better, more successful ways.
Ugh! I would be equally frustrated. I have such a disgust for IVF. It is just so wrong to me. There are so many women in my area that have gone to IVF, it's really hard for me to even stomach. Thankfully, I don't have any close friends that have gone through it. I can't imagine how hard that would be to not say anything! Praying for you to have the strength to hold your tongue and/or the grace to lovingly say something that will be well received.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! Sadly, I have seen this before-Catholic couple struggling and then openly and proudly announces they succeeded getting pregnant through IVF...I have wanted to say something but then again, I don't care for confrontation enough.
ReplyDeleteStill, so frustrating!
I share your frustration. I am a coward when it comes to these things but have seen friends of mine come up with very charitable responses on FB which gives me more courage. Could you post a link to one of the Youtube NaPro promotional videos ("New Hope for Infertility") with a short caption saying NaPro success rates can be up to double that of IVF (depending on the reason for IF, of course) and it's morally A-OK. Do your friends know NaPro exists?
ReplyDeletePrayers for whatever you decide!!
I feel your pain!!!!
ReplyDeleteOne of my husband's colleagues (yes, he is a Catholic school teacher like me) is pg after doing some sort of ART (I know that they went to the fertility clinic that we left YEARS ago). We attended a funeral mass for another colleague's mother-in-law the other day and I kept on thinking, "Does she realize that she's sinned?".
I know that she knows everything that we've been through and she was told about Napro, but they made their own choices.
The culture of IVF scares me, particularly when fellow Catholics turn a blind eye to get "what they want.".
I would stay far away from your friend's FB, and say a prayer for them.
That is so frustrating. And, yes, I do think it is a sin to vote for it, because by voting, the voters are encouraging the illicit act. I will pray for them that they see the light.
ReplyDeleteI am not Catholic. I am interested to hear your explanation as to why IVF is wrong? Just trying to educate myself as IVF is one of our options if my IUI's with injections do not work after 3 tries. When I was told IVF was an option I was also questioning it b/c I didn't know much about it. I have prayed a lot about if IVF is right for me. Any education on the Catholic view of this would be great.
ReplyDeleteSorry you have to face that frustration. We all know how strong the drive is to have children, but it's sad when people who should know better will stop at nothing to get them.
ReplyDeleteUgh I am so sorry. I hate this. It's just one of the many things I struggle with about IF. I know a Catholic woman who lost a baby at 18 weeks or so (conceived via IVF). She then went on to do another few IVF cycles and finally had a healthy baby. I really had a hard time dealing with it. I did send her this link: http://www.catholicinfertility.org/ and an email stating that I just wanted her to know what was/was not ok per Church guidelines. That link is great to post on FB too- there is a "treatment guidelines" section on the right side of the page.
ReplyDeleteIt frustrates me too. I share your same sentiments.
Thank you Megan for your link. I am trying to learn as much as I can about this before I make a final decision on IVF. I'm not Catholic but have so many questions. I know God will help me decide what to do, but I need to learn as much as I can. I suppose I have already sinned in the Catholic's eyes because I have done 3 IUI's already.
ReplyDeleteMy thought is that God made doctors to help assist with different reproductive assistance. I guess it's up to the individual Christian to do what they see God is leading them to do.
(I am in no way trying to cause any type of issue here. Just curious and love to learn other people's point of views.) I love reading this blog and it speaks to me in so many ways.
It makes me so sad that people resort to this b/c they don't know about NaPro. Thank you for helping spread the word!! I wish everyone knew that there was an option that would not only improve their fertility but also treat the underlying issues and improve their health as well.
ReplyDeleteI was just talking to a friend about this yesterday. Nearby we have an abortion clinic and right next door to it, an IVF clinic. What a horrible glimpse of our culture - people do whatever they want - either to have a child or get rid of one. It's beyond frustrating... and really, really, sad.
ReplyDeleteYou're in such a tough spot. Saying something can be seen as judgemental, but not saying something could condone an act maybe they don't know is wrong by Catholic teaching. Rock and a hard place for sure.
ReplyDeleteDeactivating my FB account was one of the best things I have done for myself. I highly recommending finding other internet sites to spend your time on.
ReplyDeleteI once told my friend that she should stop sleeping around because that leads to cervical cancer, and she had a bad pap smear. She didn't listen to me, but I did what I could.
But if you are going on FB, I would just give them links to NaPro and to a Catholic website against IVF or whatever. Let the other websites (via links) do the talking for you.
As a single woman, I hate when people tell me to get a sperm donor if I want children. NO WAY! Besides, there's nothing romantic about that. I have to explain I would want my child to have both parents, etc.
I think it was the blog A Mary Trying to Be Martha or a Martha Trying to Be Mary (I get them confused) who wrote that she spoke to a husband who was upset with some kind of sperm donation because that brought a third person into his marriage.
Oh my goodness! This would make my stomach turn also and I would feel compelled to say something. One day, we all will stand before the Lord and be judged for the things we've done, and the things we've failed to do. Tough decision indeed. It is just so sad that these people feel this is the only route to go. I'm guessing that a) they don't understand the Catholic faith (not all their fault...there has been poor catechesis for years), b) they, like many catholics, probably don't know anything about NaPro, NFP, Creighton, and c) they just feel soo desperate. It is all too bad really, and to see all of their fellow catholics supporting them just goes to show how much teaching needs to take place! I'll pray for them...
ReplyDeleteYikes! Win an ivf cycle? So sad. Love your disclaimer! :)
ReplyDelete"Win" a free IVF cycle?!?!? UGHH! Frustrating! I am on a Facebook "break" for at least a few days. I appreciate reading your insights. Prayers for you!
ReplyDeleteWhat a sickening contest! And I really think its very sad that people either don't understand, or disagree with the Church's teachings on assisted reproduction.
ReplyDeleteI second PW... "win" a free cycle?? This is the creation of human life here, not a commodity to win! :( Sadly, so few know about options like NaPro and MANY are pressured into IVF by being told it's their only option. Rebecca is right though, they will suffer (and have already suffered with loss). Very sad. I too have been going easy on FB...
ReplyDeletewhenwilliconceive - I think that is wonderful you are seriously pondering the issues surrounding IVF and IUI's. Please understand that a lot of the frustration isn't targeted at folks like you who genuinely are trying your best to sort these hard questions out. (Even the moral issues aside, IVF has some serious medical risks to the mother and ethical landmines, such as freezing of embryos. I fear doctors are way too quick to brush over these realities).
Yes, voting for them on FB would be considered a sin because it would show support or cooperation in them sinning. I'm not on facebook anymore because it isn't good for me in so many ways. Maybe you can approach your friend in person and let her know about napro. And then just pray her heart will be open to it. Good luck to you however you decide to handle this!
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