I got a phone call at work on Wednesday afternoon from the lady at Lutheran Family Services (LFS). She said the words I was afraid to hear. "There were so many wonderful couples, but unfortunately, we cannot extend you an invitation to our adoption program at this time." We were invited to reapply in August of this year when they would be looking for couples again if they had spots open.
In a way, I expected it. I was anxious about why it was already Tuesday and we hadn't been called; DH was telling me that they were probably making decisions. When it became Wednesday, DH said that they hadn't met yet ... or maybe they met and they were calling the couples who were invited first. I asked him why it wouldn't be the other way around, and he said that they would want to call those whom they wanted first in case they changed their mind. Then they could extend the option to someone who wouldn't have made the cut. It made sense. I think I knew then.
DH and I had prayed that if it was God's will that we would work with LFS, then it was His will and we would be ok either way. I'd prayed that during many Holy Hours. We had others pray. Although I "expected" that we probably wouldn't make the cut (we had a 1 in 3 chance), it was still deflating to get the actual "No, you didn't make it" speech. It still stung. My heart hurt a little bit and I didn't know why.
I took yesterday evening to process their decision. I fell asleep at 8:30 pm on the couch. I was too exhausted to even get ready for bed and walk 10 steps into the bedroom. I couldn't articulate it, but I think it was a little bit of loss and hopelessness of what could have been. I didn't feel like doing anything but sleeping.
Today I drove to a customer's house to measure. The drive was "only" 3 hours round trip, so I had a lot of windshield time. (Don't get me started on how *so* not worth it it was to drive to that person's house - ugh! Anyway ...) I was listening to the radio and thinking and trying to process where we were going to go from here (do we continue to try domestic infant adoption or should we look into foster to adopt ... where is my sign, Lord?). I am a person who likes to have a plan.
In my head (and heart), I was upset at all the time "wasted", as we had waited since November (and prior) to have the chance to interview in February ... all to not get in to the agency. I hate wasting time and not being able to have that back or have made progress during that time. I was frustrated that I hadn't contacted multiple agencies to see about also interviewing for their programs at the same time. I wanted progress. I felt like we had put all our eggs into one basket and then our hopes were dashed and now we had to start over from square one.
I realized ... this is (similar to) how I felt when we were TTC in those 3 + years before Luke. The up and down cycle. The hope at the beginning of the cycle. The let down at the end when there was no second line on the HPT.
In the almost three years since we have been Luke's parents, I haven't worried about pregnancy tests or getting pregnant or even hoping each month that some miracle would happen. Nope. None. I'm realistic that way, I guess. If it wouldn't happen with an arsenal of medicine and surgeries, it won't happen without it.
But the *hope* of getting signed up with this adoption agency and the "no" that followed is just like getting a "not pregnant" on a pregnancy test. Your heart sinks. Your hope evaporates.
All so you can try again "next time".
And we will. Where there's a will, there's a way. You can count on that.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Adoption Interview
For posterity (and those curious), I thought I'd share how our adoption interview went today.
We met with Erin and Tracy from Lutheran Family Services today for our interview, which lasted about 30-40 minutes. It was a nice, friendly, easy-going conversation between the four of us. I usually get nervous in interviews, but I guess since we've been through the adoption process once already, we kind of knew what to expect and aside from initial nerves, we were ourselves ... meaning, I talked a lot and DH talked a little. :-D
They asked general questions about adoption and parenting ... "Would you parent an adopted child differently than a biological child?" ... "Why are you starting the adoption process?" ... "Do you like risk?" ... "How do you cope with change?" ... "What does having an open adoption mean to you?" ... "How open to racial diversity are you?" ... "How open to special needs situations are you?" ... "How does your family (parents/siblings/grandparents) feel about adoption?" ... "Do you have any felonies/records you'd like us to know about" ... etc.
Then they asked a question about, "How have you dealt with grief and loss in your life?" In clarifying, we had to make a statement sharing how we have dealt with grief and loss in any manner, so I shared with them our infertility story and how my friends online and in the online FB Catholic Infertility/Adoption groups are so supportive ... and then I cried ... I was so not meaning to cry. But I shared how without infertility and adoption, I would not be Luke's mom and how I was *so* grateful to be his mom. DH got "moist eyes". And then I apologized for crying. UGH - I hate to cry in front of strangers.
After I cried, kept thinking in my head that I blew it and that they wouldn't want to give the opportunity to someone who hasn't fully grieved her infertility, but DH says I am overthinking it all and that I gave a good, heartfelt answer. He thinks we "nailed it" and had a good interview. I, however, am always the pessimist (aka "realist") and think that there has got to be someone better and more qualified / more perfect than us for them to select.
As they got done with their questions, they asked if we had any questions, so I asked them how many spots they were interviewing for. They have 6 spots open (19 other couples are already waiting to be matched; they complete 6 - 9 adoptions per year). We are one of 16 couples they are interviewing this week and then they will meet with Renee in the Omaha office to make their final selections. They are going to call us back next week to let us know if we are or aren't selected into their program (they plan to call us either way). If we are selected, there are 4 days of training + the home study to be done in the next few months. They are on the ball ~ it sounds like the process would move quicker than Luke's adoption paperwork process.
At this point, DH and I have done all we can do. We prayed together in the car before the interview that God's will be done. I've prayed in adoration and during daily prayer. Friends and family have prayed for us. He has a plan for us and the outcome of the decision from this agency will determine that. We will be patient and trust in His plans for us and growing our family.
We met with Erin and Tracy from Lutheran Family Services today for our interview, which lasted about 30-40 minutes. It was a nice, friendly, easy-going conversation between the four of us. I usually get nervous in interviews, but I guess since we've been through the adoption process once already, we kind of knew what to expect and aside from initial nerves, we were ourselves ... meaning, I talked a lot and DH talked a little. :-D
They asked general questions about adoption and parenting ... "Would you parent an adopted child differently than a biological child?" ... "Why are you starting the adoption process?" ... "Do you like risk?" ... "How do you cope with change?" ... "What does having an open adoption mean to you?" ... "How open to racial diversity are you?" ... "How open to special needs situations are you?" ... "How does your family (parents/siblings/grandparents) feel about adoption?" ... "Do you have any felonies/records you'd like us to know about" ... etc.
Then they asked a question about, "How have you dealt with grief and loss in your life?" In clarifying, we had to make a statement sharing how we have dealt with grief and loss in any manner, so I shared with them our infertility story and how my friends online and in the online FB Catholic Infertility/Adoption groups are so supportive ... and then I cried ... I was so not meaning to cry. But I shared how without infertility and adoption, I would not be Luke's mom and how I was *so* grateful to be his mom. DH got "moist eyes". And then I apologized for crying. UGH - I hate to cry in front of strangers.
After I cried, kept thinking in my head that I blew it and that they wouldn't want to give the opportunity to someone who hasn't fully grieved her infertility, but DH says I am overthinking it all and that I gave a good, heartfelt answer. He thinks we "nailed it" and had a good interview. I, however, am always the pessimist (aka "realist") and think that there has got to be someone better and more qualified / more perfect than us for them to select.
As they got done with their questions, they asked if we had any questions, so I asked them how many spots they were interviewing for. They have 6 spots open (19 other couples are already waiting to be matched; they complete 6 - 9 adoptions per year). We are one of 16 couples they are interviewing this week and then they will meet with Renee in the Omaha office to make their final selections. They are going to call us back next week to let us know if we are or aren't selected into their program (they plan to call us either way). If we are selected, there are 4 days of training + the home study to be done in the next few months. They are on the ball ~ it sounds like the process would move quicker than Luke's adoption paperwork process.
At this point, DH and I have done all we can do. We prayed together in the car before the interview that God's will be done. I've prayed in adoration and during daily prayer. Friends and family have prayed for us. He has a plan for us and the outcome of the decision from this agency will determine that. We will be patient and trust in His plans for us and growing our family.
~ Thank you for praying for us and our interview today ~
Monday, February 9, 2015
Adoption + Potty Training
It has been a busy last few weeks ~
---
We spent a weekend in Wichita celebrating my nephew's third birthday. It was spent with my in-laws and we had a fun weekend. We drove back in a snowstorm with little to no visibility, so it took a bit longer than we anticipated.
I thought several times during the weekend that I wouldn't have been able to spend the weekend with my BIL and SIL and my two nephews (1 and 3 years old), if I didn't have Luke as my son. It would have been too hard. My heart would have been too hard and my tongue and thoughts too bitter. I hugged Luke tighter that weekend and was so grateful to God for Luke in my life.
---
We got a phone call last week from Lutheran Family Services (who has offices across Nebraska) about setting up a date and time for an interview so that we can make it *hopefully* past the first round of adoption interviews in setting up new couples in their agency. They have a max of about 25 couples for the whole state that they like to keep in their available profiles to show expectant mothers.
We would be interviewing to fill an "opening" in a niche in their program ... they would like to give expectant mothers opportunities to make choices between couples who live in ... a metro area, rural areas, no children, have children, etc, so that their choice of potential adoptive parent is met. We had submitted our initial adoption fee right after Thanksgiving 2014 and have been waiting for a phone call in February to schedule our interview.
Please pray for us that if God wills it, we will pursue this route to become parents. If this is something we aren't accepted for, we will likely contact either Nebraska Children's Home or begin the process to become foster parents.
---
In the last few weeks, we've started to try and potty train Luke. He is going to be three on April 2nd and we figure it is now or never. I can't keep buying him diapers until he is an adult. :-) But that sure would be the easiest way. :-) So far, he has went potty once. No "poo". We gave him M&M's and heaps of excited praise. He enjoys playing on the iPhone or watching the iPad while waiting to go #1 or #2. We put him on the potty after dinner (for sure) and then in the morning and one other time during the day. Typically, when he is known to potty or poo.
I know boys are harder to train than girls ~ that they start later and are interested later ~ are there any tips or tricks that have worked for you that you'd like to share?
---
We got a membership to the local museum. It is old and has not been updated in nearly 20 years (gosh, how OLD am I? I clearly remember the exhibits being old when I was about 10.) But Luke loves it! The taxidermied animals don't look near as authentic now that I see them with "fresh" eyes ~ but Luke loves them anyway. He loves looking at the "be-ars" and "fox-s" and "ah-di-gadors" and "tor-tles" and all the "moose" that are on display. And the Kool-Aid display too ~ he loves that.
We took him to the Planetarium at the Museum this last Saturday and thought it was going to be a total bust and that we'd have to sneak out during the 30 minute show. Luke would just *not* stop talking. But once the show started, he sat back in my arms and watched in "almost" silence, the whole show. It didn't hurt that it had a few cartoon characters and was about "stars".
Luke loves to "read" words ... during the Planetarium show, when they rolled the name of the show, "STARS" across the screen, you could hear his little voice "Essss, Teeee, Ahhhh, RRRRR ..." and then it trailed off as the show was on to the next slide. We are so grateful for Luke talking SO much more than he ever has. He is a little chatterbox now and we can understand about 50%. :-)
---
If you are interested in Lenten Prayer Buddies (yay!!), please go to What if God Says No and email your info to her email address ... last call is 2/15.
---
Weight update ... I'm at 251 lbs (instead of 259) ... so I've lost 8 lbs. So far, it is mostly diet modification and watching my calories and less about exercise and weight training. Baby steps. :) It is huge to me to not over eat daily.
---
We spent a weekend in Wichita celebrating my nephew's third birthday. It was spent with my in-laws and we had a fun weekend. We drove back in a snowstorm with little to no visibility, so it took a bit longer than we anticipated.
I thought several times during the weekend that I wouldn't have been able to spend the weekend with my BIL and SIL and my two nephews (1 and 3 years old), if I didn't have Luke as my son. It would have been too hard. My heart would have been too hard and my tongue and thoughts too bitter. I hugged Luke tighter that weekend and was so grateful to God for Luke in my life.
(Squeezing his "cheeks" when he was asked if he would like "Mac and Cheese" (aka Mac and Cheeks))
---
We got a phone call last week from Lutheran Family Services (who has offices across Nebraska) about setting up a date and time for an interview so that we can make it *hopefully* past the first round of adoption interviews in setting up new couples in their agency. They have a max of about 25 couples for the whole state that they like to keep in their available profiles to show expectant mothers.
We would be interviewing to fill an "opening" in a niche in their program ... they would like to give expectant mothers opportunities to make choices between couples who live in ... a metro area, rural areas, no children, have children, etc, so that their choice of potential adoptive parent is met. We had submitted our initial adoption fee right after Thanksgiving 2014 and have been waiting for a phone call in February to schedule our interview.
Please pray for us that if God wills it, we will pursue this route to become parents. If this is something we aren't accepted for, we will likely contact either Nebraska Children's Home or begin the process to become foster parents.
---
In the last few weeks, we've started to try and potty train Luke. He is going to be three on April 2nd and we figure it is now or never. I can't keep buying him diapers until he is an adult. :-) But that sure would be the easiest way. :-) So far, he has went potty once. No "poo". We gave him M&M's and heaps of excited praise. He enjoys playing on the iPhone or watching the iPad while waiting to go #1 or #2. We put him on the potty after dinner (for sure) and then in the morning and one other time during the day. Typically, when he is known to potty or poo.
I know boys are harder to train than girls ~ that they start later and are interested later ~ are there any tips or tricks that have worked for you that you'd like to share?
(Enjoying his *new* potty chair. Gotta use it in the living room, fully clothed, of course!!)
---
We got a membership to the local museum. It is old and has not been updated in nearly 20 years (gosh, how OLD am I? I clearly remember the exhibits being old when I was about 10.) But Luke loves it! The taxidermied animals don't look near as authentic now that I see them with "fresh" eyes ~ but Luke loves them anyway. He loves looking at the "be-ars" and "fox-s" and "ah-di-gadors" and "tor-tles" and all the "moose" that are on display. And the Kool-Aid display too ~ he loves that.
(Pointing out all the "toot-toots" in the museum)
We took him to the Planetarium at the Museum this last Saturday and thought it was going to be a total bust and that we'd have to sneak out during the 30 minute show. Luke would just *not* stop talking. But once the show started, he sat back in my arms and watched in "almost" silence, the whole show. It didn't hurt that it had a few cartoon characters and was about "stars".
Luke loves to "read" words ... during the Planetarium show, when they rolled the name of the show, "STARS" across the screen, you could hear his little voice "Essss, Teeee, Ahhhh, RRRRR ..." and then it trailed off as the show was on to the next slide. We are so grateful for Luke talking SO much more than he ever has. He is a little chatterbox now and we can understand about 50%. :-)
---
If you are interested in Lenten Prayer Buddies (yay!!), please go to What if God Says No and email your info to her email address ... last call is 2/15.
---
Weight update ... I'm at 251 lbs (instead of 259) ... so I've lost 8 lbs. So far, it is mostly diet modification and watching my calories and less about exercise and weight training. Baby steps. :) It is huge to me to not over eat daily.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)