Weighty Thoughts

Disclaimer:  I know weight and the size you are is a sensitive topic.  If you happen to be overweight, this post is not about you!  It is only about me.  This post is literally the thoughts in my head.  I need to capture them today so that I can go back and remind myself why I'm doing this and hopefully in the future, just how far I've come.  


Fat.

I swore to not be a fat person.  My mom was/is overweight and I didn't want to be like her.

I thought I was fat when I was younger ... about 16.  Ha!  Not even!

I thought I was fat when I was in college.  I'd love to be that "fat" again.

I thought I was fat before and after we adopted Luke.  Nope.  I got fatter.

Why?

Wine.  Food.  No willpower.  No exercise.  No good eating habits.

I ate and drank to escape.  I still do.  But it has to stop.

I am 259 lbs.  I am 6'1".  I am 33 years old.  When I had my kidney stones and went into the hospital, I was defined as "obese" on their paperwork.  Mind blowing.  I wasn't supposed to be obese.  And that was 15 pounds ago.  In the last three months, I've gained 15 pounds.  At my wedding (age 25), I was 180 pounds.

I've got to get a handle on things.

After Luke goes to bed is when I have some wine.  Then some snacks.  Then more wine.  It is "my" time, between the hours of 9 pm and 12 am.  Sometimes I stay up until 1 am.  I watch TV shows.  I drink.  I eat.  I escape.  I don't have to be the problem solver at work.  I don't have to be wife or mom.  I let food and drink make me feel good and the TV to escape into another world.

In confession yesterday, when I confessed that I drink frequently, Father listened.  He actually gave me counsel regarding my drinking (all the other priests have skipped over that part - it has been a frequently confessed sin).  I wanted counsel.  I have never said that I wanted counsel. But in my heart, I want it and needed to have someone actually hear my problems and pain and talk to me about it.

Father said I was medicating with alcohol.  

But medicating what?

I have a good life.  We make sufficient money for all of our needs (and some of our wants).  I have a good job.  DH has a good job.  We have a wonderful son.  We have a beautiful home.  We are living close to family.  We have good friends.  We are in a good church.  I visit Jesus each week in Adoration.

What IS my problem???

The only downside that I can think of in my life right now is weight and sometimes, the stress of my job.  (Yes ... I have a LOT to be thankful for.)

I've determined that I need to "grow" more willpower.

I need to give up wine.  It is not helping me at all.  Last night was my last drink.  

I need to give up snacking late at night.  I need to give up unhealthy snacks.  I need to limit myself on the quantity of food that I consume.  I don't need to eat in front of the TV.  I am re-starting My Fitness Pal to track calories.

I need to exercise.  I need to sleep.  I am determined to get up in the mornings and exercise.  If I don't do it at the beginning of my day, I won't do it.  The beginning of my day is full of plans and promises.  I need to *keep* my promise to exercise.  Something physical.  I never learned how to make exercise part of my routine.  My parents never exercised.  We had PE in school, but after grade school, I didn't do much for sports.  DH doesn't exercise.  I have been lazy and obviously put other things ahead of my health.

I need to get my body healthy.  My husband and my son deserve a healthy, happy wife/mom.  I don't want to have 80 extra pounds on me, making it hard to run, climb stairs and do physical things.  I had a hard time mowing my lawn last year.  I would be out of breath and had to take a break in between mowing the front yard and going to the back.  I laid on my living room floor with the fan on me for 30 minutes, trying to catch my breath.  I have a hard time carrying Luke up the stairs in our house.  His added 35 pounds to my already overweight frame make me out of breath when I get to the top.

When Luke was 2 and we had his birthday party, I saw pictures of myself then and thought, "wow, I'm fat."  And I vowed to change.  Now Luke is going to be 3 in a few months and I have done nothing to change.  Nothing.

I have to change for me.  *I* deserve to be happy.
And I'm determined to grow some willpower.
Thanks for listening.

DIY Cat Litter Box

I've had such a time in the past with trying to find the right litterbox that my cats can't pee through ...  one of my boy cats kept peeing through the crack between the top of a 2-piece litterbox and the bottom of the box (apparently he aims quite high).  Yuck!!  Cat pee is THE worst!!

I came upon a link somewhere on the internet about making your own litterbox.  In doing so, then I can make it as big as I want (I have a pretty good size girl cat and a large boy cat, so the large size litter box + create-your-own-opening is a plus).   And my boy cat can't spray out the top of the box, although he comes close.  

First you start with the tote of your choice (purchased at your favorite local store):

Here's the size I used:

Then, you trace the opening you want and drill some holes in the corners so you can get your Skil Saw blade in:

Close up of drilling through:  (I used the biggest drill bit in the set and drilled two holes close together.)

Power Tools!!  This is the saw I used to cut the hole.  I cut on / near the black lines.  Setting on the saw = 6 (fast blade).  The plastic did not splinter (like I was worried about).

Ta da!  The hole is cut!  (Obviously I'm not anal about how straight the cuts are.)

The edges were rough, so I took a sanding pad and sanded them down on the front and back.  Here's a close up shot of the finished, sanded edges:

A shot of the finished bathroom/litter box room:

I have 4 cats and 3 large litter boxes.  I had 2, but had been meaning to add the 3rd for awhile.  The nice thing about this is that it is a Basement Bathroom, so we really don't use it much ~ it is pretty much the Cat's Bathroom.  With the litter boxes, we scoop every 2 days.  DH and I alternate.  This extra litterbox will be SO much nicer for the cats!!

In unrelated news ...

You may have seen this tidbit in the news this week ~ the book "The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven" is not fact, but fiction.  I read the book about 4-5 months ago and although it was tough to imagine that Alex Malarkey surviving and enduring what he did, I was comforted by the images of Heaven that he shared.  Like others, I want to know more about how awesome Heaven is.  It makes it seem more real to me, not just a "far off" place ... rather, a place where I can imagine my relatives and friends enjoying and being able to be in the presence of God.  Wow!!  How awesome that would be!

I didn't have the slightest inclination it could be false ~ it was similar to what was in the book "Heaven is for Real".  The tidbits in the news were about how Alex made things up and how his dad / book publishers ran with the story and created the book and promoted it.  I guess Alex's mom has a blog and was saying back in April 2014 how Alex said the whole things was false.  Regardless of how disappointed I am that this whole things was fabricated, I still believe in Heaven ~ I just wish for Alex's sake, his story was real.

Part of me feels like this still is a true account, though ... What are your thoughts on the subject?

Reading + 33 Words

Today, I caught Luke doing something that totally floored me and made me so happy and proud.  He was "reading" the cover of one of his books to himself ("My Book of Numbers").  He would use his pointer finger and start at the beginning with M, then say "mmmm", then move to the Y and say "iiiiii", then the B and say "beeeeeeee" and so on.  He did that for the whole title!  Then he turned the page and read the word "Contents" the same way.  Oh, how I wish I had that recorded!!

Luke has really loved learning all the A,B,C's and also has a love of animals.  His therapists have worked with him really well on harnessing his love for both during his therapy sessions.  We also read to him before nap time and bed time (I read all the titles to him in a similar way he is "reading", by running my finger below the words as I say them ~ so he figures out why I'm saying what I'm saying).

I am so happy and proud ~ Luke has been doing really great in the last few weeks in talking more, using more words and phrases, and even learning a new sign for "again" and repeating it, asking to read/do something "again."  I don't know exactly why things have been clicking, but I have a few ideas.  I asked Jesus at my Holy Hour to please help Luke learn to talk more and He is answering my prayers.  I also specifically asked Miss Courtney from Passionate Perseverance for her intercession in helping Luke talk.  My prayers began specifically in the first part of December in Holy Hour, where I finally "realized" that I have something to pray about.  Usually I am the one praying for another's intention, but for some reason the lightbulb went on and I realized I could "pray for myself and my family" too.  It was more like a (((facepalm))) moment.

Almost a year ago now, I'd posted about how Luke had his initial speech analysis appointment on April 3rd, 2014 (one day after he turned 2), as he wasn't saying anything that even resembled a word (other than "ticka-ticka-ticka") and stringing enough syllables together to form a sentence or a conversation.  If he wanted something, he either grunted/whined, screamed or pointed his arm in that general direction and DH and I would have to figure out just what he wanted.  We were (and still are) pretty good at reading his non-verbal cues, but when others would post about all the cute things their kids were saying and they were about the same age, I knew in the back of my mind that something was up.

Fast forward to almost 9 months later, Luke goes to see Emily on Tuesdays and Thursdays for 30 minutes each, he sees Jill & Colleen once a month for an hour, and he participates in a Toddler Group with 3 other little boys his age once a month for an hour (all have similar developmental problems).  DH and I also have been working with Luke at home in repeating words, more animated gestures, and the like, all while encouraging Luke to look at our mouths as we say and form words ... so he will get the idea.  Now Luke is really good at observing and mimicking what others are doing - especially his favorite TV shows and movies.  He has learned several new words that way.

We stopped at the local Children's Museum in town and had some fun together on Saturday.  This video shows how much he is saying and interacting now ... some of his words are still jibber jabber, but he has the "bear" and the "hop, hop, hop" down, as well as his version of the sign for "all done".  It is such a blessing that his communication is improving!  It means much less stress for everyone involved.

http://youtu.be/IdEnaCjfv7k


33 Words Luke is Saying as of Today:  (more for a mom-record, than anything):
- door (doaaah) (thanks to "Bo on the Go" for that!)
- key (kiii) (another thanks to "Bo")
- red (-ed)
- green (gee)
- blue (boo)
- pink (piik)
- up (up)
- down (dow)
- more (mooooooar)
- two (tooo)
- one (won)
- toot toot (what he calls all trains)
- cow (mooooo)
- alligator (a-di-gogadagogadagogada-tohr)
- horse (neigh)
- bear (beaaah)
- pig (piiii)
- tiger (tiiigahhh)
- O the Owl (from Daniel Tiger) - a loud yell of "OH!"
- poo (pooo)
- hi - (hi ma!    hi da!   hi kiiiii (hi kitty) ... he will wave to us when he says it!)
- bye - (bye ma!   bye da!   bye kiiii (bye kitty ... he will wave bye as well)
- no - (no ma!   no da!)
- Here you are (heeee 'ya ahhhh)
- go (go)
- moon (mooon)
- star (staahhh)
- car (caaaahh)
- mad (maaahh)
- want (wahhh) (he has said "wahhh  i-Pahhh" for "want iPad" several times now)
- oh no!  (oh no!)
- oh man!  (oh mahh)
- tape (pete) (he says it backwards I think ... we read it in the book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" and the mouse asks for Scotch Tape.  Luke then started saying "pete" instead of tape.  :-)

A Special Anniversary

It has been a pretty low-key day.  Church this morning, then lunch, taking down the Christmas decorations, a nap for Luke (which means blogging time for me!), but then I fell asleep for an hour in Luke's room.  Oh well ~ best laid plans ...  :-)

The kitties are being lazy with me. 

It has been a good start to the new year so far ~ I have had off work since Wednesday.  It is going to be hard to go back after a 2 day weekend, let alone 5 days.  But I've enjoyed my time off.  I needed it.  DH and I started to hang curtains in our living room, and we got as far as one window before his back hurt pretty bad, so I finished the remainder of installing the rods and curtains (girl power!).  I love the curtains!!  They add more personality to the house and gives a more finished look than just the blinds themselves (plus they were on Sale!).  This "new look" is a drastic change from the ugly that was the living room when we bought the house.  Couldn't do anything BUT make it look better.  Haha!!

DH and I celebrated our 10 year dating Anniversary on December 31, 2014.  We met 10 years ago on New Years Eve 2004 after mutual friends of ours (who were dating at the time) set us up together.  We were the "single" people they each knew, and my friend Suzanne knew that DH met my "height" requirement (gotta be as tall / taller than me (I'm 6'1")), so they planned to go out with us on a double date to Grisanti's Italian Restaurant.  

By that point in my dating life (I was 23), I'd had several awkward dates.  There was one creepy guy who told me, "I like your hairy arms" (say what??!!??  yes - he truly did say that!  Who compliments a girl on her arm hair?!), there was another where we didn't have anything really to talk about (thanks, Yahoo Personals - you did a great job on compatibility there) and there was one guy I met who seemed like he was trouble in every sense of the word, so that ended rather quickly.  I wasn't the person who dated just so I wasn't single.  I was pretty choosy about who I liked and often they either didn't like me back or were unattainable (thinking of you, Josh-Hartnett-in-Pearl-Harbor!!).  

For that reason, I didn't want to really meet this "new guy" and took my time in getting to my friends apartment to meet DH.  I remember walking in and he was sitting on the couch and I saw that he had a beard.  I didn't know if I could like a guy with a beard.  That made him seem old.  (Ironically, DH is 1.5 years younger than me.)  Other than noticing his beard, I can't really recall what his face looked like at that moment.  I know he wore a dark blue sweater and jeans and had a "leather" coat (I thought "wow, this guy's rich! LOL!!).  We made small talk and then we all got in my car to drive into town to the restaurant.  Everything was going fine on the drive to the restaurant ~ I was open to the possibility of getting to know DH better ~ so at the restaurant, I was talking to him and asking him questions.  DH never directly answered my questions.  He only answered my questions while looking at my friend, Suzanne, or his friend, Blake.  Not to me.  At all.  

This was pretty weird, and I was getting frustrated towards the end of the meal (not showing it of course), but I wondered what I had done for him to ignore me.  Did I have something in my teeth?  Was there a big zit on my face somewhere?  Did I look goofy when I smiled?  Bad breath?  Was I annoying?

I figured he just didn't like me that way (no one had so far, so it was no big surprise, just a disappointment).  I remember driving back to my friend's apartment with DH in the front seat and our friends in the back seat.  I was fiddling with the radio station and remember thinking that this was such a crappy date.  He didn't like me.  He didn't talk to me.  What was the point?  I wanted the night to be over.

We got back to Suzanne's apartment and hung out a bit more.  My sister came over and we all started playing games.  DH started looking at me when he was playing and actually ended up talking TO me and made some funny jokes.  I started to think, maybe he's not such a bad guy.  He's kind of cute ... :-)  As the night wore on, everyone went to bed, but DH and I turned a movie on (The Italian Job).  During the movie, I remember thinking that I didn't want the date to end.  DH seemed like a really nice guy and I wanted to get to know him better.  

Before DH and his friend drove back to Kansas the next day (January 1, 2005), we made plans to talk via Messenger.  So that's what we did for a few weeks.  Then it became phone calls.  Then a few months later, it became a $650 cell phone bill because I was over my phone minutes.  One of our record phone calls was 5 hours and 43 minutes (DH wrote it down.  I don't think he had ever talked to a "girl" that long.)  

By April / May 2005, I knew DH was "The One," so I began exploring job opportunities in Kansas.  One of us was driving each weekend to see the other (it was 4 hours one way).  I moved to Kansas in June 2005.  I "begged" DH to let me know when he was going to propose to me (I couldn't wait ~ I wanted the "rest of my life" to begin "right now").  DH proposed to me on October 30, 2005 and we were married on August 5, 2006.  

DH and I were reminiscing on our "10 Year Anniversary Date" this past Friday, and we were recounting our "First Date" story again, and I learned something new that I had never known before.  DH told me his thought from 10 years ago was that the restaurant part of our date (where he didn't talk to me) actually went really well!!! :-)  LOL!!!

DH posing with our yummy food! 

(Note the address ... 1010.  10 years for each of us!  We realized that later after DH's brother pointed it out to us.)