Prayer Intentions Requested

This Thursday, July 25th, at 7 pm at our parish, we are having an Exposition of Holy Relics.

Here is the excerpt from our bulletin:

Fr. Carlos Martins of the Companions of the Cross will be here with his very special ministry to teach about these holy objects.  He will bring with him over 150 relics, some as old as 2000 years.  
Among the treasures will be the relics of St. Maria Goretti, St. Therese of Lisieux (the "Little Flower"), St. Francis of Assisi, St. Anthony of Padua, St. Thomas Aquinas & St. Faustina Kowalska.  
In addition, there will also be present a portion of the veil of Our Lady, as well as one of the largest remaining pieces of the True Cross in the world.  Those in attendance will be able to examine and venerate each relic.
In the Church's history, many miracles and healings have been worked in the presence of relics and many have been healed through this ministry.
You are encouraged to bring your articles of devotion (such as rosaries, holy cards, etc.) and pictures of ill friends/family members which you will be able to touch to the reliquaries as a means of intercession.

I am planning to attend this Exposition and would be honored to take your intentions with me.  I plan to type your intentions onto a sheet of paper & touch that sheet of paper to each relic (hopefully that's just as good as a picture of you all!  :-)

Please let me know your intentions so I can carry them with me.  I will pray for everyone regardless of a specific intention request.

A Two Year Cycle

My husband surprised me tonight.  Nonchalantly, while I was sitting on the floor in front of the tub watching Luke play in the tub, he says, "Luke isn't the youngest grandchild anymore."  My stomach knots.

"What?"

"Luke isn't the youngest grandchild anymore."

He really said what I thought he said.

(Deep breath)

I expected this sooner or later (preferably later).  I'd thought recently (or rather bet to myself) that DH's brother & sister-in-law would probably get pregnant again soon ... another "oops" baby.  Like they don't know where babies come from.

I just sit on the floor beside the tub and breathe in and out.  I concentrate on controlling my breathing.  My throat constricts.  I can't explain the feeling, but I think my chest hurts.  Somewhere in the middle I feel a numbing sensation.  It gets hard to breathe.  My eyes get moist.  It's hard to swallow.

I was just here two years ago.  Two years exactly today.  Experiencing these feelings, only much, much worse.

Two years ago, I'd been blindsided by this same news at my in-laws house by my BIL.  I will never forget that day.  Ever.  The happiness I felt for a new baby, (a gift from God), was eclipsed by anger, bitterness & disappointment.  And rage.  Lots of rage.

I remembered that day this evening as I sat in front of the tub.  There has been so much that has happened the last two years, most importantly the birth of and adoption of Luke.  He has filled up most of my brokenness, but that hurt and ache is still there.  It ebbs and flows.

DH tells me to be happy.  "You'll love the new baby," he says.  "Luke will have fun playing with his new niece or nephew."  I ask him if he's really happy or if he feels a little hurt or sad.  He admits that he feels a little sad.  He didn't know the announcement was coming either.  His admission reassures me to know that I'm not blowing things out of proportion ... that we share the same feelings, the same pain, the same desire to easily grow our family biologically.

I am mad at myself.  If my husband would have married anyone else, he would reproduce like jackrabbits.  That's how DH's family is ... super fertile.  Not me.  I am the broken one.

I shouldn't feel sorry for myself.  I've got a blessed life.  I truly do.  If my body wasn't broken, I wouldn't have my Lukie, and I wouldn't trade him for all the fertility in the world.  But it is so gosh darn hard sometimes to shove the hurt, sadness & disappointment of just wanting to be "normal" and being able to grow your family "easily" back down and swallow it again.

It's hard to think about seeing a pregnant belly in the house again at holiday time (SIL is due in Dec).  My nephew just turned 1 in Feb & by March they are pregnant again.  (I really need to quit doing the math.  It doesn't help.)

I guess I just wish it were that easy.  To just have sex and know that you actually have a chance to have a baby.  To actually co-create a baby with God.  I, personally, don't equate sex with babies.  At all.  They are two unrelated events.  That part of my life isn't the norm.

I suppose if I had one leg, I wouldn't have a normal life either.  But I think I'd still be a little upset at how easy the people with two legs have it.  I'd miss my leg.

I guess what I want to say is that I'm feeling hurt and sadness.  I want to have that option of surprising grandparents and my husband.  The grass is always greener, eh?

I need to quit whining & get my big girl pants back on ... but I wanted to write my feelings down too.  There are so many of you who still long to be moms for the first time or moms to babies here on earth.  I've got nothing to complain about compared to that.

Looking to Buy

It has been a gorgeous week here in Nebraska .... lovely weather for outdoor walks, playing in the park & looking at houses!

About a month ago, we decided to get on r.e.a.l.t.o.r.com's website to look at what was offered in town so we could get an idea on pricing.  We watched houses come and go for about a month and decided there were a few on there that hadn't been sold ... they were probably a good deal ... we can get them cheap.

Wrong!  Oh-my-goodness, there are definitely reasons that those houses didn't sell!!!

Hideous wallpaper floor to ceiling (spend the next year removing it ... no thank you!).

S.u.p.e.r. tight bathrooms (crawl over the toilet to get inside).

Narrow, steep stairways with sewer pipes protruding into them & no head room to even stand up when you get to the top.

Rooms that lead to rooms ... that lead to rooms ... that lead to rooms ... that lead to outdoor balconies & some rough looking steps that lead to the ground floor, but you're not sure you want to even try the steps ...

The question I want to know is:  How did people EVER live in these houses before they were sold?

Makes NO sense to me!

After looking at quite a few houses (about 20 ... most with a wiggling, screaming toddler wanting to run everywhere), we found our "final four."  After touring them all back-to-back last Friday evening, we discussed on the drive home which one we liked the best and worked for us.  We called our realtor and decided to meet again to view the property we liked the best on Sunday night, and invited our entire families to visit the property with us.

Ummm ... it was organized chaos.  Luke was running everywhere (thankfully everyone was really good about watching (I mean catching) him.  We had comments, questions & conversations galore.  It was really good to have everyone there to look things over & help us decide whether this house was the one we wanted.

At the end of our visit, DH & I decided to go for it.  We put in an offer, got a counter-offer back, renegotiated & upped our price ... and they went for it!  We've bought ourselves a house!  We are signing paperwork tonight and have a projected closing date of August 12th.  Hopefully things will go smoothly and it will pass with flying colors (or at least give us a heads up on some issues).  It is an older home, moved to it's new site 11 years ago, so there is a new foundation (hooray!).

What I loved about it (and kept to myself when we found the house online) was the street name.  Our new address is on ST. JOSEPH Avenue!  This fits in with our Luke Ethan JOSEPH and my love of St. Joseph to ask for his intercession for Luke's adoption.  Also, I work at the dead-end intersection of 1st and ST. JOSEPH streets (yes, I will now work down the road (and across the train tracks) from home).  I've considered St. Joseph to be our family's patron saint during Luke's adoption, but there is no clearer visibility of his patronage than now.

St. Joseph, thank you for your intercession in our lives & fulfilling the desires of our hearts!

Here is a picture of our new home:

More pictures to come as we move in & make the house our own.

I'm excited as this new chapter in our lives unfolds ... but gosh, I hate moving!  Several other ladies are also feeling the hatred of excitement of moving as well ... here's to you Kat, Perfect Power in Weakness & Barbie!  I will be thinking of you as I pack & move.  We can do this!

Hello again! :-)

Well, I just looked and my last post was May 11th.  Jeez!  A month ago!  Oops!  Time has slipped by.  It sure does go SO much faster when one gets older.

After this unintentional blogging break, I have decided to change a few things.  I missed being connected to all my blog friends & I missed being able to intercede for them in their need.  Also, getting up at 7 am to try and get into work & be behind a desk by 8 am just wasn't working & I was late every morning.

So .... in order to shake things up  ... I've decided to get up at 6 am to get ready every day ... which means I need to get to bed by about 10-11 pm at the latest every night.  Then ... in the morning, after I get ready (non-rushed-like), I will have time for breakfast (gasp!) and blogs!  No two better "B" words out there.  :-)

And, since you may be wondering how Luke is, here are a few 14 month old photos that my sister shot last month.

I hope to be back to a more regular blogger & commenter again ... beginning this week!

Fundraiser for Justin @ Reese's Rainbow

Julie @ Andrew & Julie's Adoption Story is doing a fantastic fundraiser to help Justin from Reese's Rainbow be matched to his Forever Family.  Please help raise money so that his forever family does not have finances as an obstacle of saying, "YES, Justin is our son!"  Julie is giving 100% of the profits to Justin's account.

Here is the link to Julie's blog:  Fundraiser for Justin

Please click over & click on the link "Fundraiser for Justin" on Julie's page.
Thanks, ladies!

Same old, Same old

I can't think of too much interesting to write.  Isn't that sad?  I feel like I should update, but it will be a boring one, that's for sure.  Read some random thoughts .... now!  :-)

***

This next week will be 2 months since I started work at my new job.  So far, I do really like it.  Are you the kind of person who immerses themselves in their new situation, while the old one seems easier & easier to forget?  I think I am that kind of person.  For the first week or so, I missed our old house, my job, my friends, all the familiar locations, my routine, etc.  Not that this new place wasn't exciting, but I hate change.  A few more weeks pass, and I rarely think about the kind of life I had before.  A few times during the week, I will think about what is happening at my old job (do they miss me - hope so!  I like to feel "needed"), what the new owners of our old house are like (how are they treating it?  do they like everything we did?  I hope they're not hoarders & ruin everything!), and how much I miss the familiarity of the streets, shopping & atmosphere in Kansas (it is definitely more hilly!  I grew to love those hills.).  But after a minute or two, I realize what I'm thinking about & then mentally step out of the reminisce I'm doing & back into reality.  Most days, it seems like a long ago, far away life.  I've packed it up, stored it and take out a few memories now & again.

***

DH & I have been helping my dad mow lawns.  Did I tell you I'm pretty good at it?  Since dad didn't have any boys, my sister (a few years younger) and I were treated as equals in that regard.  We got to do what boys do ... yard work!  I remember starting to mow in about 3rd grade.  Looking back, wow, that's young!  I was about 9 at the time & started with my parents' yard.  And a push mower.  :-)  Thank goodness for self-propelled mowers!
I did take a mowing break when I left my hometown to finish college in 2001.  It seems like yesterday I was twelve years younger and behind that same mower. Mowing is almost second nature to me, as I mowed up to my highschool graduation and maybe a year beyond (about 10 years).  We still have some of those same mowing customers from all those years ago.  Last night, I had the pleasure of talking to one of the ladies again.  It had been so long!  When I started to do the math, it kind of freaks me out a little.  How did I get to be so old?  At almost 32, I can now say I've known that lady for almost 20 years.  CRAZY!!!

***

Parenting ... sometimes I feel so confused on what the proper protocol is.  Especially with all the new things people are doing now ... spacing vaccines out, new ways to teach your baby to sleep, baby sign language ... the list goes on and on.  My question is:  when do you wean your baby off of formula?   I realize that some women are still breastfeeding at this point, which is a different discussion, but that's not us.  We rock the nutritious formula.  :-)
 Luke is 13 months old (ok, ok, 13-1/2 months old, but I like to remove the 1/2 and keep him young as long as I can).  He wakes up in the am & sometimes takes a bottle if it is 5:30 or 6 am and goes back to sleep.  If he gets up at 8 am, then we eat breakfast (no bottle).  Then a half juice/half water bottle for morning nap.  Then lunch (no bottle).  Then half juice/half water bottle for afternoon nap.  Then supper (no bottle).  Then either a bottle of formula or juice bottle for bedtime.  We typically try and do the half juice/half water instead of formula, but if he is still awake at nap/bedtime after a half hour, then we give him a bottle of formula & he's usually asleep pretty soon.
Do we still keep this plan?  Do we use real milk?  Do I use soy milk?  What have you done???
I'm not a fan of the pasteurized milk or soy (as I think soy is bad for you), but know we're not the type of people to get cow/goat milk from a farm & skim off the cream (did that when I was younger as my parents wanted us to be uber healthy, look how healthy I am now.  Hello, IF!  I'm being kind of sarcastic here, as I do want Luke to be healthy.)

***

On the eve of a commercial holiday tomorrow celebrating mothers, know that I am praying & will continue to pray for all those who will suffer through the day tomorrow, wanting to hold children in their arms or have them grow inside them.  I pray that this is the last Mothers Day with that ache in your heart.  And for those who long to have their babies on earth with them to celebrate, know that I mourn with you.  I ask Mary to wrap you all in her arms and give you comfort.

Luke's First Birthday Parties

Before moving was even on our horizon, I'd planned to have a wonderful, fun First Birthday party for Luke at our house with all our friends & family there, as well as Luke's Birth Family.  We would all be there happy to celebrate the cheery, smiley little guy who has captured so many hearts.  Fast forward to a month before his birthday & our decision to move, I realized this grand birthday party wouldn't happen.  But that's ok, because Luke was special enough to get THREE First Birthday parties instead!  :-)

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The first First Birthday party was held on Easter at DH's parent's house, as all DH's family could be there.  We also had DH's grandma there as well as two of her friends.  We went to the best party planning store in town (Wally World) and bought themed decor that we have used for every party (LOVE the ceiling twirlies!) and party hats (of course!).  Did you know that Wmart gives you a free smash cake for the cake that you purchase?  Our cake(s) were only $20 each.  I am not a baker.  I take the easy way out.  Maybe next year I'll get creative with making a cake ....

It was someone's nap time, hence the excited look on Luke's face.  I think all day he only had a 1/2 hour nap in the car on the drive down to DH's parents' house.

Mommy & the Birthday Boy!

Luke can't figure out what this thing is on his tray!  Mommy never lets him play with food, so he is confused that he IS supposed to now play with it.  

Luke was tired & rubbed his eyes with his cake-y hand.  Oops!  That was the messiest he got.

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Birthday Party #2 was at our new house (aka "the Rental") with my family.  We had it on Luke's actual Birth Date (April 2nd) & had everyone over for supper.  Luke wasn't any more excited for Smash Cake #2 than he was for #1.  

Here is a good picture of the Cake + Smash Cake we got.  It is a Cupcake Cake, which everyone thought was "such a great idea!"  "I've never seen that before."  "Did you guys make that?"

It was a hit!

Here's Luke opening his presents.  He loved pulling the tissue paper out of the bag!

One of his presents was a Nebraska Husker shirt!  Now we are in Husker Nation territory!

Party animal!

(I think he was tired here too.)

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Luke's 3rd First Birthday Party was back in Kansas (April 13th) to celebrate with his Birth Family & a few of my old co-workers.  We had to go back to clean out the little bit left in our house & remove the staging decorations, so we thought it worked out well to go to Pizza Hut & have a pizza party.

Here is a picture of Luke's Birth Mom, Luke & myself.  

She was so happy that we came down & celebrated with them.  Not pictured were her mom, her boyfriend & her son Eli (who is 2-1/2 & did not hold still long at all!).  

I am so VERY grateful to her for her decision to choose Adoption for Luke.

In lieu of cake, we did a COOKIE!  Cookie Monster is Luke's birth mom's favorite Sesame Street animal and he has a blue Cookie Monster stuffed animal from her he plays with.  

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HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY to my lil' Lukie!  

Mommy loves you to the moon & back!  You were the medicine for my broken, bitter heart & I thank God that he chose me to be your Mommy every. single. day!

I LOVE YOU, LUKE!

How did you get to be SO BIG??!!??  Please stop growing & stay little forever.  <3

In Transit

I kinda dropped off the face of the earth for almost a month.  If I could "text to blog", I would have something to say more frequently, but it seems that I have a speech impediment that the lady in the phone never understands.  So it never quite works out.

What has happened???  Oh gosh ... so much to tell ...

I finished my last day at work on Friday, March 15th.  I got a goodbye cookie & a card from everyone (including the bosses M&L), which was nice.  It was then that it finally started to hit me ... this is goodbye for real.  I couldn't think about it for long or I would start to well up.  I started to second guess myself.  Maybe this was the wrong decision.  BUT ... everything was getting packed & people were coming down to move that weekend ... so me being the "go with the grain" kinda gal, went with the plan.  And so we moved.

Always have enough boxes, people.  And if you think you have enough, get some more.  And trash bags.  Large trash bags.

We had quite the moving crew that came down on Sunday (Happy St. Paddy's Day to us!).  DH's parents came down Sat night & stayed over.  My dad, both sisters & both BIL's came down on Sunday morning with 3 pickups & an 18 ft. trailer (it's that orange tarp covered object on the right side of the picture).  My former co-worker A & her son came over as well (they are staying in town and not moving or changing jobs).  We moved stuff from about 9:30 am until 1:30 pm.  Up out of the basement.  Out from each room.  Move it outside into the driveway, on the lawn & have it ready to hand to the guys inside the trailer.  Everyone did an amazing job of packing & moving stuff!  We could not have done it without family & friends.

I tell you what ... we managed to fit 95% of our belongings into one 18 ft. trailer (packed floor to ceiling), the back of 3 pickups, the trunk of 2 cars & the back of 1 minivan.  I thought we would not fit near what we did into that trailer.  We had a house full of stuff (1225 sq ft + basement).  Thank goodness I did some quick purging on the spot.  Things move fast with a free sign at the end of the driveway.  The other 4% of stuff we came back & got when we went back to the house the following day to clean & prep for showings.  1% of stuff we are getting for on final trip back this weekend.

We got everything dumped into our rental house yet that Sunday & then took everyone out to eat.  It was a short night for us, as we went to bed early so we could get up at 5:30 am & drive back south to Kansas.  We had all day Monday & Tuesday morning to get things cleaned up so the realtors could do a walk through & people could start seeing it by appointment.  We had so much stuff to do, it was unreal.  Luke spent all day Monday & Tuesday at daycare so DH & I could vacuum, dust, touch up paint, clean all the blinds in the house, clean the bathrooms with a fine tooth comb, swiffer & mop the floors, clean the entire Kitchen top to bottom, patch several holes in the Laundry Room (covering up the house settling - shame on us!), clean the basement & vacuum up all the bugs in the storage rooms, clean the garage out & lay 20 bags of mulch in the flowerbeds along the front & side of the house.  We spent about 48 hours of manual labor total in getting things spruced up.  It was brutal!  We also coordinated getting a rental couch & loveseat delivered to go with our coffee tables & our kitchen table to give the house some definition.  The exciting part of the cleaning up was about midnight on Tuesday morning, when DH tried to move our 200 lb. safe up from the basement.  DH thought he could do that himself & ended up smashing his finger in the safe door & ripping off skin in the process. It was gross.  His finger has healed nicely by now.  No stitches.  And no health insurance to go to the doctor (it ended on the 15th with DH's job).  Go figure.  The scar on his finger adds character, DH says.

Our cleaning was well worth it, though!  That Tuesday the 19th we officially listed the property & it went on the market.  There were two showings that following day, Wednesday at 8:30 & 10:30 am.  We got offers from both parties for full asking price on the house & went with the best one.  Our house was under contract in just 24 hours!  I know it was due to prayer.  It was the only possible way.  Thank you to all who prayed ... from the beginning of my work saga, through us making the decision to move, to actually moving, to living in a new city & having a new life from what we're used to!!!  My prayers will find their way back to you!

We traveled back from Kansas to our rental house in Nebraska late on Tuesday night.  We spent Wednesday through Sunday unpacking & trying to settle in.  By Sunday we had unpacked enough stuff to live with & not be looking around wondering where the heck it went.  There are a few things that I do miss.  They are located somewhere in the 3rd bedroom that is full floor to ceiling with boxes that are not unpacked or the garage where we have a whole space for a car filled with boxes & large objects.  Oh well.  We keep the door to the "storage" room closed & close our eyes in the garage.  It works.

I started my new job on Monday, April 25th.  I felt like I didn't know a thing!  I hate being unsettled & unfamiliar with how things are.  I know it comes with the territory, but I've been used to being on top of things for at least 7 years at my old job.  Part of the uncomfortableness comes from going from a company of about 5 people to a company with 200 + people!  I do love their organization & rules ... don't get me wrong ... but there are other hurdles that come with that.  Like phone systems!  Oh.  My.  Goodness!  That took two weeks of getting used to.  And their Purchase Order / Order system on the computer.  Talk about archaic!  And SUPER confusing.  I swear I will never understand how that works.  I hope they have a lot of patience with me for that.  The gal who is the designer there is very nice & friendly.  She is younger by a few years (maybe mid-late twenties), but I hate to bug her to ask her how to do stuff.  And sometimes she forgets to tell me how to do stuff.  Other than that, the job is primarily the same.  Just different Showroom, different Cabinet lines to memorize & new staff to get to know.  So far, no complaints (except that darn PO / Order system!).

I'll do a separate post about Luke's two First Birthday parties (with pictures).  There is a third Birthday party coming up this weekend back in Kansas with Luke's birth mom & family, as well as my former co-worker & her family.  We wanted to celebrate with Luke's birth mom regardless of location.  That is one thing that will never change, despite comments from family & friends about being glad we have more distance between Luke's birth mom & us, we will continue to see each other often.

Well, I'm off to catch up on you all!  Just wanted to let you know I'm alive & to THANK YOU for the prayers, comments & First Birthday wishes for Luke!  :-)

Prayer Request for a Friend

I'm not sure what to do now, other than pray.

My co-designer at my current job, A, had an interview today in her hometown for a job as a designer.  She would be doing work that is different than what we do now.  She texted me how she thought things went today in regard to the interview & if she will like the job, etc.  A thinks the interview went well, but she's not sure that she wants to do that kind of stuff.  And she's not sure that she will get along well with a few of the other women who will work there.

I'm frustrated for her & a little angry.  I want so bad for her to also leave the current company with me.  The company now is going downhill extremely fast.  It will not get better.

After I dropped the bomb on M&L on Sunday night, they had called A over to visit with her and see what her intentions were.  She was honest about what she liked & didn't like.  She wasn't sure whether to tell them that she had an interview in her hometown or not, but ultimately decided on Monday morning that she should tell them.  Now M&L were extremely upset.  If A were to leave, they would lose both their designers (you can't sell jobs without someone to design & quote them!).  L has an attitude anyway about certain things, and this made her fly off the handle.  She had words with her son & they had a big argument, as her son wants M&L out of the company (and specifically told them so) or he will quit.  L has been giving both myself, A & her son the cold shoulder since Monday, not saying anything, not answering our phone calls or even making eye contact with us.  It has been awkward to say the least, being motivated to work hard these last two weeks trying to finish things up, with someone who thinks you're the worst person in the world.

The threat about the son leaving wasn't an empty threat, so M&L met with a lawyer on Wednesday to transfer the ownership of their company to their son.  The son is hiring his BIL & his BIL's wife, as well as adding another person as a delivery person.  But no additional designer to help A out.  It is hard enough with just A & myself, and now after I leave, she won't get any help.  The son thinks we just waste time & don't do anything all day.  That couldn't be further from the truth.  There is so much more crazy to the story that the son wants to do with "his" new company, but you wouldn't believe it if I tried to tell you.

I'd so hoped that A could leave soon after I left to escape this utter craziness, but it is not looking that way.  She went to a home improvement store today after her interview to inquire about a design position, but they hired a new designer yesterday.  Yes.  Really.

It seems like A is getting battered left & right.  She has had about 8 hours of conversation after work hours within two days with M&L and the son.  She is fed up with all the drama that this job entails, but she is the major breadwinner in her family & has two young kids, so getting a good job is of the utmost importance.  She can't just leave without another job lined up.

Myself, on the other hand, didn't even plan to look for a job until one afternoon, found the position randomly, applied a few days later, got offered the job later that week on the same day as my interview & found a rental house in my hometown within a week.  God is being so gracious to me, but seems to ignore her.  Why?

Could you please pray for A?  Pray that her spirits are lifted, that she finds a job opportunity close to home, that her husband finds a job, for St. Joseph to guide her in her job search, for peace in her heart & for the crazy owners to stop harassing her about a decision to stay or not.  I am trying to believe that God has something better for her in mind.  I know A is disappointed & frustrated at having to stay with the current company but wanting desperately to leave & find a better job.  She has been a true friend & I want to do something more for her than pray.  The only thing I can do more for her is to humbly ask you to join my plea.

Acceptance

We've decided to move back to my hometown & for me to accept the job offer I've been given.  Since DH was in Canada since Wednesday, we'd only been able to have phone conversations about whether or not to take the leap of faith and accept the job and move.  After making an extensive pro & con list, we decided that the pros did in fact outweigh the cons.  The two biggest cons were leaving our beautiful home & leaving my job (that included telling the bosses).

I talked all weekend with my family & in-laws about whether or not to move & take the job.  Everyone was in agreement that this job would be more dead end down the road, the company would go downhill, my co-designer would leave & I would be unhappy that I missed the opportunity for the job that is currently offered.  

As I drove back from my hometown & the in-laws house today, I thought that this evening would be as good as any to go over to the owners' house & give them the news that I would be putting in my two weeks.  I prayed & asked Jesus to be right beside me holding my hand.  I asked St. Joseph to give me the right words to say, as he was the one who guided his family on the flight to Egypt, so would he watch over our "flight" now.  

A neat thing that I just realized today (nothing like a lightbulb moment!), is that to get to my new job in my hometown, I travel from the main downtown road and turn onto St. Joseph Avenue, which runs right into the building where I will work.   Imagine that.  St. Joseph's patronage & watchful presence wherever I go.  :-)  I do really believe he interceded for bringing Luke into our family, as I have definitely asked his intercession since then more frequently.

I texted M (the boss) and L (his wife) to ask if I could stop by tonight to talk to them.  I wanted to vomit just thinking about telling them and wanted to not even give two weeks notice ... just not show up.  I had DH go over a few lines with me about how to start the conversation & I rehearsed them over and over and over and over for about a half hour & all the way to their house.  I just wanted to get it over with.  L opened the door & led me back to the family room where M was.  She sat down & I sat down. We exchanged a few pleasantries.  Then I said my piece, "Since Luke was born, DH & I have wanted to be closer to family.  We have decided to move back to my hometown in the next few weeks & I wanted to stop by tonight to let you know & to give you my two weeks notice."  

They asked me a few questions, "How, When, Why, is it because of our son taking over?"  All I said was because of family & gave several examples.  They said they understood the reason & that they would miss me both personally & professionally.  They said that the company would be hurt by my leaving & they asked who would organize things if I was gone.  I told them I hadn't talked to anyone about this, not even my fellow designer (which is stretching the truth a bit).  I told them jokingly that BIL would have to come over sooner to take over, to which they said that if BIL came over to help their Son, it would be in the warehouse, not in the office.  Well ... they've got to come up with a plan for that now.  They said that I was like a daughter to them & they hated to see me, DH & Luke leave.  I apologized for leaving through tears, got several hugs from L & left.  The tears were real.  I am truly sorry to leave & for the impact it will have on their business.

The next thing I know is that my fellow designer (who wants to leave ASAP too) texts me and says that M&L want her to come over to their house.  I tell her that I haven't said anything about her wanting to leave.  She is nervous & terrified about what they will talk to her about.  I told her I was praying for her and I have been.  It is hard to be untruthful, but if your heart isn't in the job anymore, it is time to move on.  

Tomorrow, I get to call the manager at my new job & tell them I accept their offer, as well as put in an application on a rental house.  It is both nerve-wracking and exciting to be moving forward with a new job & city, leaving everything I've known for eight years behind.

** UPDATE:  So I called my friend, the designer who works with me, to ask how her conversation with M&L went.  She was there for an hour and forty five minutes!  They apparently were blindsided by my leave.  She gave me the info that when M&L told their son I was leaving, all he said was "I figured she would, it is no big deal."  Oooohhhh, I am so mad!  I'm glad I'm leaving.  He doesn't know what he's missing!

Job Offer

It has been a whirlwind of a day!! But I got a job offer out of it!

I was woken up by Luke this morning about 4:30 am for a bottle. I stays up packing and getting myself ready so we could leave by 6:30. Well, we left about 7:15 am. It is hard getting everything put together yourself instead of having a helper with a DH. Luke did well on the trip traveling & took a nap on the road. We ended up at my parents house about 1/2 hour prior and I dropped Luke off to change clothes & scurry out. Luke forgot who Grandma and Aunt N were, so he bawled as I was running around & leaving. I felt terrible, but it confirmed that this is exactly why I want to move. I want Luke to know his family.

The gal I spoke to on the phone was very nice! She interviewed me with the designer J who is still there. I liked them both immediately! It was more of a conversation than an interview. They have health insurance & benefits like paid time off (earn hours based on perfect attendance), no Saturdays, maternity leave, etc. it is a much more organized and streamlined company! I am only responsible for a much smaller piece of the pie than what I am now. They can also get very close on salary to what I need. I need to crunch #'s on how it will work on one income, but I think it will work. We also need to find a rental house, as my SIL & BIL have rented it. I'm thinking that's ok, as you probably don't want to rent to family anyway.

I'm nervous about telling my current bosses on Mon morning. That is the worst thing I can think of right now.

An Interview!!

After so many of your lovely replies & affirmations on what I really did know in my heart I wanted to do, I decided to pursue the designer job & see if I could get an interview.  I spent Sunday evening updating my resume so I could have it ready to email Monday morning when I made my call.   I hate doing resumes & cover letters ... it is hard to describe yourself as phenomenal and worth hiring!

I called the company about 10:30 am Monday and spoke to a very pleasant woman named Jann.  She said that yes, they still are taking applications, asked how I heard about the job opening & why I wanted to move for the job.  After I explained about wanting to move back to be closer to family and a little about my experience, I could tell she was pleased & maybe a little excited I was interested.  The gal that I would replace if I got the job is leaving next week.  There is one other designer there, which is great, as I wouldn't be on my own to figure the ropes out.  

We set up a meeting for this Friday at 10:30 am so I can meet Jann & the one designer who is staying on at the Showroom.  (This means I have to buy new dress pants that I can fit into.  Boo for pants shopping!)  I am very hopeful that I will be strongly considered & hope to find out more about what benefits they offer.  

I will keep you posted on how things go!  Thank you again for all the prayers & kind words sent my way!  They have lifted up my soul and continue to fill me with peace in such a difficult decision.