I had a good cycle review with PPVI. They are now doing chart reviews via email, which I think will be a good thing, but I didn't get any information on my Progesterone & Estradiol levels last month. I feel bad bugging them again with all the people they have to help, so I guess I'll just do that this next month. It is nice that you can just scan your chart instead of reading all the info off to them, as well as typing out your list of meds vs. confirming them over the phone. I do think I will appreciate that. I just hate the fact that it takes so long to get an answer back .... usually I'm trying to rush a pharmacy for a prescription so I can take it on Day 3 and PPVI called it in at the last minute. I would eventually like to donate to their organization so they can add office staff and doctors to help the flow of info to patients, but I'm giving them a pretty penny as it is. Yikes!
I did find out that I ovulated last month on the left ovary, but I have a small cyst on my right ovary (where DO they come from?). Plus, they increased the Fe.mara to 40 mg. vs. 25 mg. I hope that doesn't make my cyst grow huge or anything. Lately, I've had really bad acne on my face & I didn't know if that's a side effect of the Fe.mara ... or just simply the combo of all the drugs I'm taking. Either that, or the fact that its 105 outside this week and next week (and was last week too). Has anyone else had acne that started up b/c of this? I thought I'd recently found a good combo of products to use for my face & makeup, as my acne has been the clearest its been since puberty (ha!), but now, my face is a mess of bumps again. Bummer.
Hope you all stay cool! It looks like no one can avoid this HEAT WAVE!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Finally Getting Started
Thank you for all your kind comments on my last post. I am feeling better about the whole situation, but I just needed to have a pity party for awhile, I guess. I'm just a person who doesn't love surprises, especially about babies! One of the more prominent, recurrent thoughts I've had is ... what if I end up pregnant or adopting in the next nine months? If I were in my SIL's shoes, how would it feel to have someone so unhappy about my pregnancy, only to be so happy about her own good fortune months later? That thought has kept me from getting too jealous.
Before the whole "announcement", that previous week, we'd scheduled an appointment with a social worker in a local (very small, but Catholic) agency. We ended up completing the initial paperwork and spending time talking with her about our family history for about 1-1/2 hours. She was going to wait until the first of August to get us started with our referencs and all the FBI/fingerprint stuff (she is taking a 2 week vacation at the end of July), but she called in today to let us know that she is getting started yet this week! Yay! Our (my) goal is to get our doctor visits done, our birthmother letters done and our profile book done by the time we meet with her next, in the first part of August. I haven't started. I need to get in gear, as I end up being a perfectionist and cramming things until the last minute. I'd just like to not do that so much here.
Today is P+15. I'm sure AF is around the corner. Since this is my second month on F.emara, I seem to have alot of LUF's or a cyst from what the ultrasonographer said at my P+4 ultrasound. I'm a little nervous about that. More things to fix! I thought I was eliminating problems, not creating them. Ack!
Before the whole "announcement", that previous week, we'd scheduled an appointment with a social worker in a local (very small, but Catholic) agency. We ended up completing the initial paperwork and spending time talking with her about our family history for about 1-1/2 hours. She was going to wait until the first of August to get us started with our referencs and all the FBI/fingerprint stuff (she is taking a 2 week vacation at the end of July), but she called in today to let us know that she is getting started yet this week! Yay! Our (my) goal is to get our doctor visits done, our birthmother letters done and our profile book done by the time we meet with her next, in the first part of August. I haven't started. I need to get in gear, as I end up being a perfectionist and cramming things until the last minute. I'd just like to not do that so much here.
Today is P+15. I'm sure AF is around the corner. Since this is my second month on F.emara, I seem to have alot of LUF's or a cyst from what the ultrasonographer said at my P+4 ultrasound. I'm a little nervous about that. More things to fix! I thought I was eliminating problems, not creating them. Ack!
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Heartbreak
It's been quite the emotional last few days for me. Aside from the physical stress of my 16 year old little brother being down for the week and managing to "help" remodel by basically tearing our basement apart ... and an evil customer at work ... I get to complete my week with a surprise announcement.
We head back to Josh's parents house (which is on the way to drop my brother back off at my parents, as he's 16 and it's a 3 hour drive for a newbie driver) and we stop off at Josh's parents house. We meet his brother there and chat for a bit. Nothing special. Then out of the blue, Josh's brother says "We're expecting." And silence. I squeak out the words "a baby?" and he nods and grins. My stomach drops. My heart breaks. I didn't even know they were trying. He's a teacher, she has 1 year to go in pharmacy school, they're only 25 and have been married for 3 years. "We were thinking about trying in another year" is what Josh's mom fills in. Now that's just great.
Everyone looks at me, waiting for me to say something. I try and smile and say "Congratulations" and hope the conversation changes course. Oh no, it's Josh's mom's first grandchild. "We just know you'll have one soon," his mom says. And she tears up, and I just can't take it anymore, so I tear up too (but for different reasons), holding back the gut wrenching sobs I want to make. And so I apologize for raining on their parade, for what's a jealous infertile to say? What I really think? No. That wouldn't be good.
More baby talk. Josh's brother and sister-in-law are due on Feb 14, and we are filled in on all the details. Why the hell do I have to listen to this? Josh's mom has posted this on Facebook and is proudly announcing her new status to all. Today, she announced it in church that she's a grandma (Thank God I wasn't there). Tonight we went to a potluck fundraiser in their small town with several people who went to church that morning. They all say "Congratulations". Its hard to hear. We end up sitting at the table right across from the new parents and all night, people stop by and give their best wishes. And we are sitting right across the table. It was tough. I was asked, "Aren't you excited to be an aunt?" Fake smile and nod. That should be us. Why hasn't God blessed US with a child after almost 5 years of marriage? We ourselves have prayed, solicited others for prayers in last years Christmas cards and have had other people we dont even know pray for us. Nothing! Why do we still wait, when some people don't even really try and they get pregnant?
I couldn't get past this latest news. It has consumed my thoughts for the last two days. Last night, I had an ugly cry ... in in my old bedroom at my parents house ... If I could have seen the future back then, would I have thought this would be my life? Today, I'm a little more accepting of the new situation. I know it's going to be harder once she starts showing, especially with all the holidays coming up (and a very excited first-time Grandma), and then of course, after the baby is born. I don't hold anything against the new parents, they will be great and I do love them both, it's just that my human side wins out right now. I'm angry and I'm mad. I'm jealous. I'll admit that. I wish it were that easy for me. It's hard to swallow the "someday" phrases offered by other people when you are taking a billion pills, temps / pulses and shots on specific days and getting wanded up your nether parts several times a month. It's just really hard to be happy when your own life is so different and you know there is nothing you can do. It's all out of your control.
Well, I think I'm done moaning for tonight. This is a much shorter and less profane than it would have been last night, so be thankful for the small things. And just so you all know, I'm offering up my heartache and suffering for all of you in the trenches with me. For what I've been through so far, and what I will endure over the next 24 hours ... because we are all spending the night together at Josh's parents house, and there is a new grandma who likes to drop the "B" bomb at every passing opportunity. I will try and make the most of this and be happy for a new life. However, I will be sending an email out to all potential future parents that are my relatives on how to announce that you are pregnant, because I don't want this to ever happen to me again!
We head back to Josh's parents house (which is on the way to drop my brother back off at my parents, as he's 16 and it's a 3 hour drive for a newbie driver) and we stop off at Josh's parents house. We meet his brother there and chat for a bit. Nothing special. Then out of the blue, Josh's brother says "We're expecting." And silence. I squeak out the words "a baby?" and he nods and grins. My stomach drops. My heart breaks. I didn't even know they were trying. He's a teacher, she has 1 year to go in pharmacy school, they're only 25 and have been married for 3 years. "We were thinking about trying in another year" is what Josh's mom fills in. Now that's just great.
Everyone looks at me, waiting for me to say something. I try and smile and say "Congratulations" and hope the conversation changes course. Oh no, it's Josh's mom's first grandchild. "We just know you'll have one soon," his mom says. And she tears up, and I just can't take it anymore, so I tear up too (but for different reasons), holding back the gut wrenching sobs I want to make. And so I apologize for raining on their parade, for what's a jealous infertile to say? What I really think? No. That wouldn't be good.
More baby talk. Josh's brother and sister-in-law are due on Feb 14, and we are filled in on all the details. Why the hell do I have to listen to this? Josh's mom has posted this on Facebook and is proudly announcing her new status to all. Today, she announced it in church that she's a grandma (Thank God I wasn't there). Tonight we went to a potluck fundraiser in their small town with several people who went to church that morning. They all say "Congratulations". Its hard to hear. We end up sitting at the table right across from the new parents and all night, people stop by and give their best wishes. And we are sitting right across the table. It was tough. I was asked, "Aren't you excited to be an aunt?" Fake smile and nod. That should be us. Why hasn't God blessed US with a child after almost 5 years of marriage? We ourselves have prayed, solicited others for prayers in last years Christmas cards and have had other people we dont even know pray for us. Nothing! Why do we still wait, when some people don't even really try and they get pregnant?
I couldn't get past this latest news. It has consumed my thoughts for the last two days. Last night, I had an ugly cry ... in in my old bedroom at my parents house ... If I could have seen the future back then, would I have thought this would be my life? Today, I'm a little more accepting of the new situation. I know it's going to be harder once she starts showing, especially with all the holidays coming up (and a very excited first-time Grandma), and then of course, after the baby is born. I don't hold anything against the new parents, they will be great and I do love them both, it's just that my human side wins out right now. I'm angry and I'm mad. I'm jealous. I'll admit that. I wish it were that easy for me. It's hard to swallow the "someday" phrases offered by other people when you are taking a billion pills, temps / pulses and shots on specific days and getting wanded up your nether parts several times a month. It's just really hard to be happy when your own life is so different and you know there is nothing you can do. It's all out of your control.
Well, I think I'm done moaning for tonight. This is a much shorter and less profane than it would have been last night, so be thankful for the small things. And just so you all know, I'm offering up my heartache and suffering for all of you in the trenches with me. For what I've been through so far, and what I will endure over the next 24 hours ... because we are all spending the night together at Josh's parents house, and there is a new grandma who likes to drop the "B" bomb at every passing opportunity. I will try and make the most of this and be happy for a new life. However, I will be sending an email out to all potential future parents that are my relatives on how to announce that you are pregnant, because I don't want this to ever happen to me again!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Cycle Review and a Kitty Question
I found that my levels this cycle review were good. (Thank you, God, I identified the correct peak day!) My progesterone was 17.2 (anything above a 13 is good). My estradiol was 14.8 (anything above a 12 is good). Most of my drugs stay the same ... hooray! No new order/days/doses to memorize!!!
I am still on Fe.mara (25 mg) on day 3 only and had an ultrasound yesterday to check the size of my follicles. For those of you that can understand what things are on that ultrasound screen ... you are a genius!!! I cannot figure out what is what and the techs don't typically commit to any big revelations either. Oh well, as long as Dr. K knows what's going on, that's the main thing. The really nice thing I noticed this cycle was more white baby stickers on my chart!!!!! Now, don't get too excited, they're not all 10's (mostly 6's & 8's), but I did have FIVE white baby stickers as compared to last month's lonely one sticker. I hope that the Femara is kicking my crazy body into gear.
Also, this cycle, since I still have TEBB, I am on a new antibiotic. The nurse said the name, but I have no clue how to spell it until I read it on the bottle. Its a 21 day antibiotic for Josh & I to take instead of the Zithromycin on days 1-10. Good thing I got the pill organizer for my birthday! :-) I gave Josh my tiny old organizers, so I'll have to make sure he gets those pills in there too. I'm always amazed I can usually remember what medications to take, but without laying things out once a week and putting them into the organizers, I'd be lost!
On another note, I have a question for those of you doing/have done a homestudy. Is there a maximum number of animals that are mentioned? My worry is that I have four cute, cuddly cats ... but the social worker will tell me that I have to get rid of a few of them. It would break my heart. So, in lieu of going crazy about that in front of her, I thought I'd get some answers and compose myself before she tells me one way or another. Any advice would be great.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Busy, Busy, Busy ....
Its been a crazy, busy last few weeks. I can't even remember most of what I did, its been such a whirlwind!
On June 4, we went to my husband's hometown for their 140th Anniversary Celebration. Watching a town of "maybe" 300 people multiply to a few thousand overnight is certainly exciting stuff! I had lots of fun exploring the old buildings, watching the parade & seeing where my husband went to school, as we were able to tour the now-closed school. Josh was so proud showing me everything. He was class valedictorian, so I had fun making him get on stage again to get a picture.
We also celebrated my 30th Birthday that same weekend, although I officially turned 30 on June 9th. I was able to get a bunch of "granny gifts" since I'm "so old" now. My sister thought all of the gifts up herself. I was pretty surprised that she went as in-depth as she did. I got a cane, denture cleaner, Ben Gay, granny panties, depends & a pill organizer. I was PSYCHED about the pill organizer, as I was having to shove my mountain of daily meds into some tiny compartments in the organizers I have now. You can see just how excited I am to receive all my neat gifts! I'm saving them for her payback when she turns 30 in a few years .....
This past weekend, we went to my husbands 10 year reunion. He had a class of only 13 kids. It was fun seeing everyone he went to school with and how they'd changed from "back in the day." The only thing that didn't work out so well was the fact that I was never "officially introduced" so I had to eavesdrop to learn their names. I will definitely say that I have quite the catch with my husband. Three of his classmates are on their second marriage or are divorced ... and its only been TEN years! Amazing.
In fertility related news, there isn't too much to report. This was my first month taking Femara (only on Day 3), but I do think it made a difference in my mucus. I had more white baby stamps this month than I ever did before (if you don't count those early times where I didn't know what I was doing)! I didn't have alot of 10's, but I did have alot of 6's & 8's, which I'll count as an accomplishment regardless.
With the Femara, I did have to have an ultrasound of P+4 so they could measure the follicles. Thankfully it was the day before my birthday, not on my birthday (as that would make turning 30 so much more memorable). I've still been taking B-6, Ammoxicillan & Mucinex, so hoping this new combo works.
We still haven't done any paperwork for our adoption agency yet. Its been sitting on our coffee table these last two weeks. We did tell our families that we are starting the adoption process and they were very supportive and interested in how things work. Of course, my mother-in-law said, "Since you're adopting, now you'll get pregnant," quite a few times. (sigh) I tried to tell her that it wasn't always the case, but she kept repeating it (multiple times, both weekends). Finally, I was polite and just agreed. She is has one mindset and I'm not going to change it (I've learned that from cataloging her responses on other topics).
I guess to get motivated, I need to take some vacation time from work so I can clean my house and get ready for the homestudy. I feel like I have to get all these little projects out of the way before we should even get started (its not a really rational thought). For example, we still need to put outlet covers on switches from when we painted 4 years ago (yeah, we're really lazy!), but then we also should get some different furniture for our DVD & components to sit on, rather than an old sewing machine table so that there isn't a pile of hazardous cords below that would need to be remedied anyway. Sometimes I feel like I should have nicer (safer) furniture, but its hard trying to rationalize doing so AND saving money for the adoption. I guess I'll be doing some auction hunting & yard-sale-ing over the summer.
I'm hoping to have good news to report about my hormone levels this next cycle review. Last month I didn't get my Peak day correct, so my hormones were really low. Here's to the next month ahead!
On June 4, we went to my husband's hometown for their 140th Anniversary Celebration. Watching a town of "maybe" 300 people multiply to a few thousand overnight is certainly exciting stuff! I had lots of fun exploring the old buildings, watching the parade & seeing where my husband went to school, as we were able to tour the now-closed school. Josh was so proud showing me everything. He was class valedictorian, so I had fun making him get on stage again to get a picture.
We also celebrated my 30th Birthday that same weekend, although I officially turned 30 on June 9th. I was able to get a bunch of "granny gifts" since I'm "so old" now. My sister thought all of the gifts up herself. I was pretty surprised that she went as in-depth as she did. I got a cane, denture cleaner, Ben Gay, granny panties, depends & a pill organizer. I was PSYCHED about the pill organizer, as I was having to shove my mountain of daily meds into some tiny compartments in the organizers I have now. You can see just how excited I am to receive all my neat gifts! I'm saving them for her payback when she turns 30 in a few years .....
This past weekend, we went to my husbands 10 year reunion. He had a class of only 13 kids. It was fun seeing everyone he went to school with and how they'd changed from "back in the day." The only thing that didn't work out so well was the fact that I was never "officially introduced" so I had to eavesdrop to learn their names. I will definitely say that I have quite the catch with my husband. Three of his classmates are on their second marriage or are divorced ... and its only been TEN years! Amazing.
In fertility related news, there isn't too much to report. This was my first month taking Femara (only on Day 3), but I do think it made a difference in my mucus. I had more white baby stamps this month than I ever did before (if you don't count those early times where I didn't know what I was doing)! I didn't have alot of 10's, but I did have alot of 6's & 8's, which I'll count as an accomplishment regardless.
With the Femara, I did have to have an ultrasound of P+4 so they could measure the follicles. Thankfully it was the day before my birthday, not on my birthday (as that would make turning 30 so much more memorable). I've still been taking B-6, Ammoxicillan & Mucinex, so hoping this new combo works.
We still haven't done any paperwork for our adoption agency yet. Its been sitting on our coffee table these last two weeks. We did tell our families that we are starting the adoption process and they were very supportive and interested in how things work. Of course, my mother-in-law said, "Since you're adopting, now you'll get pregnant," quite a few times. (sigh) I tried to tell her that it wasn't always the case, but she kept repeating it (multiple times, both weekends). Finally, I was polite and just agreed. She is has one mindset and I'm not going to change it (I've learned that from cataloging her responses on other topics).
I guess to get motivated, I need to take some vacation time from work so I can clean my house and get ready for the homestudy. I feel like I have to get all these little projects out of the way before we should even get started (its not a really rational thought). For example, we still need to put outlet covers on switches from when we painted 4 years ago (yeah, we're really lazy!), but then we also should get some different furniture for our DVD & components to sit on, rather than an old sewing machine table so that there isn't a pile of hazardous cords below that would need to be remedied anyway. Sometimes I feel like I should have nicer (safer) furniture, but its hard trying to rationalize doing so AND saving money for the adoption. I guess I'll be doing some auction hunting & yard-sale-ing over the summer.
I'm hoping to have good news to report about my hormone levels this next cycle review. Last month I didn't get my Peak day correct, so my hormones were really low. Here's to the next month ahead!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Memorial Day Weekend
Hoping everyone had a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!!! On Sunday, we got together with my mom's side of the family for most of the day. It was a good time to see everyone again and catch up. This is the second year we've done this. It was a long day. We had a 3.5 hour trip to get there in the morning and one to head home again that night. Lets just say that on Monday ... we slept in really late! The Sunday with my family made me realize just how fast a year has gone. I remember really clearly when we saw everyone last year. All the babies last year are now toddlers and everyone's growing up way to fast!
My parents were the only family there without grandkids (they are the only family on BOTH sides of the family without grandkids). I don't know if it bugs my parents like it does me, but it bugs me (darn that jealousy) that my other family members are able to get pregnant (so easily). My aunt & uncle, for example, have two sons in their early twenties. One of their sons has three boys already and their other son just welcomed a daughter four months ago (both my cousins had kids at a young age out of wedlock). This same aunt and uncle also "accidentally" got pregnant with twins. If you've lost count, thats six little kids under the age of six. My other cousin has three little boys and is pregnant with her fourth. She's 34. In her struggle to get pregnant this last time, she had two miscarriages within the last year. She's been able to get pregnant with only "a few months of trying." I don't wish her ill at all (I've prayed that she would be able to get pregnant & carry the baby to term), its just hard to watch them enjoy something you'd like to enjoy too.
The hubby and I had a long talk in the car on the way home. We want to be parents more than we want to get pregnant. I have been calling around getting information these last few weeks from different adoption agencies and attorneys and we have narrowed it down to one option ... and a plan. We are going to keep on with the medicines at PPVI, but we're going to start the adoption process. A local agency has some reasonable fees and we can complete our homestudy with them. There's no guarantee of a baby with PPVI and there's no guarantee of a baby through adoption. If anything happens with us babywise and God blesses us, that's great, but I'm tired of "waiting" for something to happen. My dad, who is very religious, is praying for us ... and keeps telling us to pray, but God doesn't always answer prayers in the way (or timeframe) that you want sometimes.
At the end of September, it will be one year since my laparotomy. I don't know if adoption is what God wants me to be thinking (or if these are the appropriate thoughts in which to begin the adoption process), but I'm just going to jump. In praying at church a few weeks ago, I realized that God isn't going to "take it easy" on me. He knows I can handle the tough stuff, so maybe I AM supposed to pursue adoption. It isn't an easy road, but I've read many blogs where it is so fulfilling and rewarding and people can't remember what their lives were like without their children. I want that. And because I want that, I'm going to start down a new path.
My parents were the only family there without grandkids (they are the only family on BOTH sides of the family without grandkids). I don't know if it bugs my parents like it does me, but it bugs me (darn that jealousy) that my other family members are able to get pregnant (so easily). My aunt & uncle, for example, have two sons in their early twenties. One of their sons has three boys already and their other son just welcomed a daughter four months ago (both my cousins had kids at a young age out of wedlock). This same aunt and uncle also "accidentally" got pregnant with twins. If you've lost count, thats six little kids under the age of six. My other cousin has three little boys and is pregnant with her fourth. She's 34. In her struggle to get pregnant this last time, she had two miscarriages within the last year. She's been able to get pregnant with only "a few months of trying." I don't wish her ill at all (I've prayed that she would be able to get pregnant & carry the baby to term), its just hard to watch them enjoy something you'd like to enjoy too.
The hubby and I had a long talk in the car on the way home. We want to be parents more than we want to get pregnant. I have been calling around getting information these last few weeks from different adoption agencies and attorneys and we have narrowed it down to one option ... and a plan. We are going to keep on with the medicines at PPVI, but we're going to start the adoption process. A local agency has some reasonable fees and we can complete our homestudy with them. There's no guarantee of a baby with PPVI and there's no guarantee of a baby through adoption. If anything happens with us babywise and God blesses us, that's great, but I'm tired of "waiting" for something to happen. My dad, who is very religious, is praying for us ... and keeps telling us to pray, but God doesn't always answer prayers in the way (or timeframe) that you want sometimes.
At the end of September, it will be one year since my laparotomy. I don't know if adoption is what God wants me to be thinking (or if these are the appropriate thoughts in which to begin the adoption process), but I'm just going to jump. In praying at church a few weeks ago, I realized that God isn't going to "take it easy" on me. He knows I can handle the tough stuff, so maybe I AM supposed to pursue adoption. It isn't an easy road, but I've read many blogs where it is so fulfilling and rewarding and people can't remember what their lives were like without their children. I want that. And because I want that, I'm going to start down a new path.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Muddin' Escapades
Well, friends, it was a crazy Friday, which turned into an unmotivated weekend. For work (I design Kitchens), I have to go into people's homes and measure their existing spaces before beginning to design something new. My Friday measure didn't go as planned ...
I live in a smaller town of about 50,000 and there are several clients who live outside of town in the country. I had a measure that morning for a job that was just outside of town. Well, it had rained that morning and a bridge was out, so I tried to find another route to go a little out of my way and get back to the same road I was on. In my attempt to re-route, one of the roads I turned onto was a mud road, not one with gravel. Oops! By the time I could slow down, I couldn't go backward or forward without the wheels spinning. I was stranded! Argh!!!
I called into work and two of the guys came out in a pickup to pull me out. Well, they couldn't make it down the road without going into the ditch!!! The first attempt was to slide off into the right ditch. With a lot of rocking forward & back, they were able to get back to the gravel. The second attempt wasn't much better and they slid onto the left side of the ditch. They pulled back onto the gravel and I decided to leave them there and I would roll up my jeans, take off my shoes and walk out to the gravel road and just leave my vehicle locked and sitting there on the side of the road.
The nice guys that they were, they were bound and determined to come out and meet me part way so I wouldn't have to walk so far. Well, lets just say they should have stayed back on the road. :) After I got in the truck, we tried to backing up to the gravel road, but we slid off into the left ditch again and couldn't get out!!! The pickup was slanted into the ditch, which was full of water. Mud was flying, wheels were spinning, the engine was smoking and the poor guy driving was trying all sorts of maneuvers. We were contemplating calling into the store to send ANOTHER person out to get the three of us!
However, a few prayers to Mary and St. Rita of Cascia and we gave it one last go. And we made it! When we got back to the store, everyone was amazed at how muddy the pickup was. It was quite the morning!
P.S. The REAL color of the truck is blue ... which you can see (barely) near the front bumper.
That afternoon, I received a home-made sign that showed a picture of a truck driving through a swampy marshland / river and the tagline said "Look out! Amanda's Measuring Again!" Oh, the joys of making a fool of yourself at work! Lets just say that I had a few drinks that night!
I live in a smaller town of about 50,000 and there are several clients who live outside of town in the country. I had a measure that morning for a job that was just outside of town. Well, it had rained that morning and a bridge was out, so I tried to find another route to go a little out of my way and get back to the same road I was on. In my attempt to re-route, one of the roads I turned onto was a mud road, not one with gravel. Oops! By the time I could slow down, I couldn't go backward or forward without the wheels spinning. I was stranded! Argh!!!
I called into work and two of the guys came out in a pickup to pull me out. Well, they couldn't make it down the road without going into the ditch!!! The first attempt was to slide off into the right ditch. With a lot of rocking forward & back, they were able to get back to the gravel. The second attempt wasn't much better and they slid onto the left side of the ditch. They pulled back onto the gravel and I decided to leave them there and I would roll up my jeans, take off my shoes and walk out to the gravel road and just leave my vehicle locked and sitting there on the side of the road.
The nice guys that they were, they were bound and determined to come out and meet me part way so I wouldn't have to walk so far. Well, lets just say they should have stayed back on the road. :) After I got in the truck, we tried to backing up to the gravel road, but we slid off into the left ditch again and couldn't get out!!! The pickup was slanted into the ditch, which was full of water. Mud was flying, wheels were spinning, the engine was smoking and the poor guy driving was trying all sorts of maneuvers. We were contemplating calling into the store to send ANOTHER person out to get the three of us!
However, a few prayers to Mary and St. Rita of Cascia and we gave it one last go. And we made it! When we got back to the store, everyone was amazed at how muddy the pickup was. It was quite the morning!
P.S. The REAL color of the truck is blue ... which you can see (barely) near the front bumper.
That afternoon, I received a home-made sign that showed a picture of a truck driving through a swampy marshland / river and the tagline said "Look out! Amanda's Measuring Again!" Oh, the joys of making a fool of yourself at work! Lets just say that I had a few drinks that night!
Friday, May 13, 2011
If you never ...
If you never felt pain, then how would you know that I am a Healer?
If you never had to pray, How would you know that I am a Deliverer?
If you never had a trial, how could you call yourself an overcomer?
If you never felt sadness, How would you know that I am a Comforter?
If you never made a mistake, How would you know that I am a forgiver?
If you knew all, How would you know that I will answer your questions?
If you never were in trouble, How would you know that I will come to your rescue?
If you never were broken, Then how would you know that I can make you whole?
If you never had a problem, How would you know that I can solve them?
If you never had any suffering, Then how would you know what I went through?
If you never went through the fire, Then how would you become pure?
If I gave you all things, How would you appreciate them?
If I never corrected you, How would you know that I love you?
If you had all power, Then how would you learn to depend on me?
Love, Jesus
P.S. This was an email forward, but oh, how it speaks to me! I thought I would share.
This had some amazing pictures ... but I couldn't get them to stick on my blog ... :(
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
TMI Post
Well .... I'm still waiting to see some good mucus. Today is CD12 and I'm not sure what's going on with my body. All I've seen so far is 2AD or 4AD. Nothing that stretches even a t.i.n.y bit. Nuthin'. I suppose I should be grateful that if its not this, it could be something worse. On CD7, only after going #2, I had some mucus that stretched about 2"!!! It was fantastic (if you're into that ... like me! haha) However, that's the only time I've seen ANYTHING this cycle.
I'm taking the following to help solve the problem:
- 500 mg Amoxicillin (2x per day)
- 1200 mg Mucinex (2x per day)
- FertileCM (3x per day)
- Eating raw carrots
- Drinking plenty of water (about 60 oz at work + more at home)
I don't know WHAT to do. I just don't understand why my body can't work properly! Has anyone known of (or themselves) conceived with this lack of mucus? I guess I also ask because I have IM Progesterone shots to give on P+4, 7 & 10 ... but I'm trying to figure out WHAT is my peak day?
I just started taking 7.5 mcg of T3. Would this hinder anything?
On the brighter side, for "(Cat) Mother's Day", the hubby and I went shopping for me! :) I found some shirts that will give me a few more outfits for work and some new shoes and jewelry. We did celebrate with a meal out (non-Endo Diet), so I ended up having a really good day! It was a little rough b/c of all the "Happy Mothers Day" postings on Facebook. I held back from posting something about "those of us that want to be Mothers" ... I think that was pretty wise.
Hope you ladies all have a great week! I know we have lots of fabulous bloggers praying for us "Island Dwellers" to join them in the Place of the Sun. I hope we remember them in prayer and look for God's answers in our daily lives.
** UPDATED **
Check out the Infertility T-Shirt slogans at "Making God Laugh" ... these are GREAT!!! Too bad they weren't available for pre-order before Mother's Day!
** UPDATED **
Check out the Infertility T-Shirt slogans at "Making God Laugh" ... these are GREAT!!! Too bad they weren't available for pre-order before Mother's Day!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Still in Infertility Camp
Well, ladies, I'm still here in Infertility Camp with you. After getting to P+16, I called the doctor to see if I could take a blood test to see what the heck is going on. I was able to schedule one for the next morning on P+17. I prayed to God and asked for the intercession of St. Gerard & St. Gianna ... this could be it! I prayed for God's will be done, as it was out of my hands.
I have never reached P+16 in all my years of charting (the longest was P+14), so I was a little excited that this could be it, but of course, I wasn't sure that this was it due to all the negative pregnancy tests. I didn't feel any different. I prayed that I would get my period before I had to go in for a blood test so I wouldn't look "stupid" if the results came back negative. I went to the bathroom alot to make sure AF still wasn't here ... and the morning of P+17, she still hadn't showed. Hooray! I was excited to do an "official" pregnancy bloodwork panel!
The nurse who drew my blood said she was excited for me. She told me that she had trouble getting pregnant too! It took her over 4 years, including a miscarriage, and the next month after the miscarriage she found out she was pregnant. I was grateful she was the one drawing my blood and knew that God had put her there just for me, as she'd never drawn my blood before.
Well, I must give a kudos to the hospital lab. The results were ready in less than an hour. And, wouldn't you know it, I found out myself before the phone call from the doctor. AF showed up that morning about 1/2 hour after the blood draw. Argh! So much for not looking "stupid!" (ha ha) Then I got a call from my local doctor who apologized that she couldn't give me better news. Oh well, I didn't "feel" pregnant anyway.
On my drive that morning, I put some things in perspective. Instead of being down, I get a whole new cycle to try again. I am going to continue to eat better and exercise (two things I haven't been great about doing). I am also going to pray a novena to St. Gerard on days 1-9 of my cycle, asking for his intercession that this next cycle is "the one." I get to start a new medication (T3), which should help my crazy thyroid (who just could be the culprit). I also get to add Mu.cinex to my list of mucus-enhancing drugs and I'll hopefully see better results.
I didn't get my "fantasy Mothers Day" scenario, but I think I did see a few "signs" from God these last few days about sticking with trying for a baby of our own (vs. adoption). I was able to get to P+16 (yea for a long luteal phase) and I met the nurse who shared her story. My dad also told me that he has been praying a novena for me and will send me some prayer cards. I am so happy that I am in this positive state of mind and I got to see (what I think) are some signs! :)
I have never reached P+16 in all my years of charting (the longest was P+14), so I was a little excited that this could be it, but of course, I wasn't sure that this was it due to all the negative pregnancy tests. I didn't feel any different. I prayed that I would get my period before I had to go in for a blood test so I wouldn't look "stupid" if the results came back negative. I went to the bathroom alot to make sure AF still wasn't here ... and the morning of P+17, she still hadn't showed. Hooray! I was excited to do an "official" pregnancy bloodwork panel!
The nurse who drew my blood said she was excited for me. She told me that she had trouble getting pregnant too! It took her over 4 years, including a miscarriage, and the next month after the miscarriage she found out she was pregnant. I was grateful she was the one drawing my blood and knew that God had put her there just for me, as she'd never drawn my blood before.
Well, I must give a kudos to the hospital lab. The results were ready in less than an hour. And, wouldn't you know it, I found out myself before the phone call from the doctor. AF showed up that morning about 1/2 hour after the blood draw. Argh! So much for not looking "stupid!" (ha ha) Then I got a call from my local doctor who apologized that she couldn't give me better news. Oh well, I didn't "feel" pregnant anyway.
On my drive that morning, I put some things in perspective. Instead of being down, I get a whole new cycle to try again. I am going to continue to eat better and exercise (two things I haven't been great about doing). I am also going to pray a novena to St. Gerard on days 1-9 of my cycle, asking for his intercession that this next cycle is "the one." I get to start a new medication (T3), which should help my crazy thyroid (who just could be the culprit). I also get to add Mu.cinex to my list of mucus-enhancing drugs and I'll hopefully see better results.
I didn't get my "fantasy Mothers Day" scenario, but I think I did see a few "signs" from God these last few days about sticking with trying for a baby of our own (vs. adoption). I was able to get to P+16 (yea for a long luteal phase) and I met the nurse who shared her story. My dad also told me that he has been praying a novena for me and will send me some prayer cards. I am so happy that I am in this positive state of mind and I got to see (what I think) are some signs! :)
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Waiting for the other shoe to drop .....
Happy Easter to everyone! It ended up being much longer between blog posts than I'd thought. My hubby (J) and I went up to see our parents over the Easter weekend and ended up taking Monday off from work. We have about 1.5 hours to see his parents and then another hour up towards my parents. Luckily, J's parents house is on the way to my hometown, so we are always able to see our parents on all the holidays, splitting the typical 2 day weekend between both places. Sometimes its harder having both sets of parents so close, as one set always wants to spend more time than we can allow. I also got to see one of my oldest friends and her family this weekend. She has four boys ranging from ages 2 up to 7. Wow! They have a LOT of energy! (So cute though.) We were also able to chat with my Grandma and J's Grandma and Grandpa, which we see on the "big" holidays only. Its just to hard to get everyone together, especially as everyone gets married and has to "compromise" with the new in-laws. I am lucky, though. I got a great extended family.
The highlight of my weekend came via recommendation by my mother-in-law. She recommended a Lifetime movie about this lady who wanted to get pregnant and ended up having 6 babies all at once. She wants me to try "some of that" and doesn't understand why I won't do IVF. She is Grandbaby-CRAZY! We are the first to get married out of all the kids on both sides, so after 4-1/2 years of "waiting" (not-so-patiently, by the way), there are hints and questions and suggestions out the whazoo. Like this one about a month ago, "There are lots of Japanese orphans since the tsunami / earthquake. Why don't you adopt one of them?" What do you say to that, other than letting your husband roll his eyes at his mother? Its hard to say anything other than just smile and say "oh, I'll check into it" because you're the in-law. My parents aren't as bad, thankfully. I'm sure it is due to the fact that it took them 3-1/2 years to have me. Its just so hard when people (like my m-i-l) can't relate. She had 4 kids all in a row when she wanted and ended up getting her tubes tied so she didn't have to have any more. I wish I had her fertility system!
Speaking of my incapable organs, I am sitting here at P + 15 and waiting for baited breath. When am I going to get my period? I'm sure it will start tonight ... right before I get the chance tomorrow to go to the doctor for a blood draw. My local doctor said that if I get to P + 16 and don't have my period to come in for a blood test. I've never had the chance. I took a pregnancy test this morning (the strip kind you dunk in your pee that they send you with a group of ovulation strips). It was negative, of course. While I was waiting for the result, I pictured the most perfect Mothers Day ... we were able to buy a "Grand" Mothers Day card for our moms and tell everyone then. Now, I'm just counting down the hours until tomorrow and praying that I don't get my period by tomorrow at lunch so I can go in for a blood test. I'm hoping and praying that this could be the month!
The highlight of my weekend came via recommendation by my mother-in-law. She recommended a Lifetime movie about this lady who wanted to get pregnant and ended up having 6 babies all at once. She wants me to try "some of that" and doesn't understand why I won't do IVF. She is Grandbaby-CRAZY! We are the first to get married out of all the kids on both sides, so after 4-1/2 years of "waiting" (not-so-patiently, by the way), there are hints and questions and suggestions out the whazoo. Like this one about a month ago, "There are lots of Japanese orphans since the tsunami / earthquake. Why don't you adopt one of them?" What do you say to that, other than letting your husband roll his eyes at his mother? Its hard to say anything other than just smile and say "oh, I'll check into it" because you're the in-law. My parents aren't as bad, thankfully. I'm sure it is due to the fact that it took them 3-1/2 years to have me. Its just so hard when people (like my m-i-l) can't relate. She had 4 kids all in a row when she wanted and ended up getting her tubes tied so she didn't have to have any more. I wish I had her fertility system!
Speaking of my incapable organs, I am sitting here at P + 15 and waiting for baited breath. When am I going to get my period? I'm sure it will start tonight ... right before I get the chance tomorrow to go to the doctor for a blood draw. My local doctor said that if I get to P + 16 and don't have my period to come in for a blood test. I've never had the chance. I took a pregnancy test this morning (the strip kind you dunk in your pee that they send you with a group of ovulation strips). It was negative, of course. While I was waiting for the result, I pictured the most perfect Mothers Day ... we were able to buy a "Grand" Mothers Day card for our moms and tell everyone then. Now, I'm just counting down the hours until tomorrow and praying that I don't get my period by tomorrow at lunch so I can go in for a blood test. I'm hoping and praying that this could be the month!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
10 day wait ....
Well, I'm patiently waiting again for this cycle to be over with. I have 10 days left until P+15 (or CD 1). I am usually a "P+13 or 14" kind of gal. I thought this cycle kind of sucked, myself, with sporadic 8CKL mucus only showing up after I go #2 (TMI, I know ... but I think that low 'fluid' is my #1 problem). I am on Amoxicillian day 10 up to Peak and it seems like things start out with a bang on day 9 (before I even take the Amox), but then it tapers off. I'll have to ask the nurse at my next cycle review if there's something else we can do.
At the end of April, it will be 7 months since my laparotomy at PPVI. It will be only 3 months since my thyroid surgery, which I guess was when they said I'd have the best chance to try ... not knowing what my crazy thyroid was doing. There have been a LOT of great pregnancy announcements from the infertility blogs in the last month! I am SO happy for everyone ... yet so jealous at the same time (darn my human nature). I wanted to be one of those people who conceived soon after my surgery ... to make it all worth it. I am an over-achiever. That's what I strive to be, both at work and in baby-making. (At home is a different story. I am not a great or a motivated house-cleaner!)
I guess the reason the name of my blog is what it is, is to remind myself that I should be patient. My husband, the eternal optimist, tells me, "It is in God's hands. It is in His timing." So I wait. The hardest thing for me to do. While others celebrate their good news, I must be patient. It is so hard. I calculated this morning ... at our 5 year anniversary in August, it will have been 60 cycles of waiting.
What is God's plan in all of this? We have bought a house and fixed it up. Although we are blessed financially to not have a child yet and can spend it on non-baby-related items/expenses, I feel like we're also missing out on LIFE. Smiles, first steps, hugs, bonding, seeing your husband as a great father, making your parents Grandparents for the first time ... the list goes on.
When does my life start? Will God provide me the opportunity to birth a baby? Will His plan be for us to adopt? Where is a SIGN? I keep looking, but don't see one in sight. I am not in 'total' despair that God doesn't hear me; I believe He asks us to call out to Him. I want to begin my LIFE right away. With all the negativeness of the last 55 cycles, I don't hold out much hope for this one. Just call me Debbie. Debbie Downer.
At the end of April, it will be 7 months since my laparotomy at PPVI. It will be only 3 months since my thyroid surgery, which I guess was when they said I'd have the best chance to try ... not knowing what my crazy thyroid was doing. There have been a LOT of great pregnancy announcements from the infertility blogs in the last month! I am SO happy for everyone ... yet so jealous at the same time (darn my human nature). I wanted to be one of those people who conceived soon after my surgery ... to make it all worth it. I am an over-achiever. That's what I strive to be, both at work and in baby-making. (At home is a different story. I am not a great or a motivated house-cleaner!)
If you tell me to do something, I will do it. The semi-exception is the Endometriosis Diet, which I think is SO hard! Diets have never been my forte. I have provided my local doctor with all the info that she would ever want in reference to NFP and my health. She wanted to just copy my chart at my office visits ... I provided her pre-made color copies all taped together. She tells me to lose weight, it will help ... I join NutraSystem and lose 20 lbs (it didn't help, I still went to PPVI and had 3 surgeries).
I guess the reason the name of my blog is what it is, is to remind myself that I should be patient. My husband, the eternal optimist, tells me, "It is in God's hands. It is in His timing." So I wait. The hardest thing for me to do. While others celebrate their good news, I must be patient. It is so hard. I calculated this morning ... at our 5 year anniversary in August, it will have been 60 cycles of waiting.
What is God's plan in all of this? We have bought a house and fixed it up. Although we are blessed financially to not have a child yet and can spend it on non-baby-related items/expenses, I feel like we're also missing out on LIFE. Smiles, first steps, hugs, bonding, seeing your husband as a great father, making your parents Grandparents for the first time ... the list goes on.
When does my life start? Will God provide me the opportunity to birth a baby? Will His plan be for us to adopt? Where is a SIGN? I keep looking, but don't see one in sight. I am not in 'total' despair that God doesn't hear me; I believe He asks us to call out to Him. I want to begin my LIFE right away. With all the negativeness of the last 55 cycles, I don't hold out much hope for this one. Just call me Debbie. Debbie Downer.
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