No baby announcement post yet! I know you all are anxious to hear something. Me too. :-) I've been preparing myself for a phone call at the most random time, but it hasn't happened.
We managed to get the rest of the nursery set up, minus a lot of wall decorations and a shelf for toys, books, etc. We installed the closet shelves last night and a few floating shelves in the room for displaying memorabilia.
The diaper bag is packed. The gift for Becca is packed with a note inside. The camera is ready. The car seat is installed (it feels funny driving around with an empty car seat!). The play pen and swing are up. Clothes are washed. I will finish cleaning house today. We are ready.
Our case worker, Sue, said that when she asked Becca last Saturday, point blank, if she wanted to still pursue the adoption, her answer was still yes. My hope and prayer is that it continues to be this way.
If nothing happens today, they will induce Becca at 5 am tomorrow (Monday). Depending on how long labor takes, we might be parents tomorrow or Tuesday.
Prayer buddy, if you could, would please pray that I can accept whatever outcome happens in the next few days? And that if things go well, I know the right things to say and do for Becca.
As soon as something happens, regardless, I'll be posting!!! Thank you all SO MUCH for all your prayers!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
My First Blogger Meet-Up!
Over the weekend, I got to meet CM from Confessions of a Catholic Mutt!!!!! Let me just say that she is every bit as amazing in person as she is on her blog!
We met early for Mass at 8:30 am and then headed over to I.HOP for breakfast. It was great to meet my prayer buddy (I prayed for her intentions) from our last session and we chatted away like old friends. We decided that we needed to set up a blogger meet-up sometime for those of us bloggers in the Mid-West instead of the East Coast. Any ladies have ideas or interest about that?
Here's a shot of us before we parted ways ...
CM, it was GREAT to meet you!
We met early for Mass at 8:30 am and then headed over to I.HOP for breakfast. It was great to meet my prayer buddy (I prayed for her intentions) from our last session and we chatted away like old friends. We decided that we needed to set up a blogger meet-up sometime for those of us bloggers in the Mid-West instead of the East Coast. Any ladies have ideas or interest about that?
Here's a shot of us before we parted ways ...
CM, it was GREAT to meet you!
Monday, March 19, 2012
Just a little update ....
Nope, no baby calls over here yet. I have been busy over the weekend running around the house like a chicken with my head cut off. I guess you can also call that "nesting." :-)
It all started last week, one random weeknight when I had the urge to run through the house and gather all the items that I didn't use or hadn't used in awhile. I want simplicity, especially since a ton more items are going to come into the house, most of them tiny, and most all of them from the ever-excited grandparent-to-be ... my mother-in-law. I piled all the unwanted, unused items up in my room, snapped photos of them and then created a Fa.cebook album that I emailed to all friends and family about "free stuff." Some items left that way and some went to Goodwill this weekend. I tell you what ... it feels GREAT to purge!
On Friday night, I got home from work about 6:30 pm, then laid on the couch and promptly fell asleep. I slept all the way until 6 am the next morning. I guess I was tired! Since I had to work on Saturday, I got up at 6 and proceeded to fill nail holes & demolish the existing closet shelving, so it would be ready to paint when I got home from work that day.
Once I got home from work, I had to pick out paint colors, which is a job I detest. I never pick the right shade, I repaint and repaint ( ... and repaint ... that's the story of my Master Bedroom ... finally after 3 different colors, I got a color I like ... or they just layered to make a color I liked.) I guess I like the colors I picked now, seeing them up on the wall. I did three walls in a light grey color and one wall as an accent wall in a navy-ish blue. We have a green recliner that I'm moving out of the living room to make way for baby stuff, so it goes in the bedroom in lieu of a glider. We have yet to do anything inside the closet that is new, but will do some wire shelving for sure. Lots of little clothes/blankets/stuff to store. We purchased a new ceiling light, new window blinds (and new curtains), as the rest of the house "matches" except for this room. I moved a dresser in that we had stuffed in a closet and brought out my old baby lamp from (almost) 31 years ago to provide ambient light. We are going to be using the family bassinet, in which my father and his siblings slept, and all us kids slept in, and now the third generation of great-grandbabies are sleeping in. Having the opportunity to use the family bassinet is something I've been waiting to do for a long time. I simply cannot believe that this might actually be real and in a few short weeks, will be (God-willing) blessed with a baby. Its just so surreal.
I will post pictures of the room once its more finished than it is now ... no crib, nothing on the walls, one curtain missing (the store only had one panel and the other "might" be there in 7-10 days). Don't worry ... I haven't forgotten your requests. :) Also, I have been lax about reading all of your blog posts! I apologize! I'm trying to catch up. Hopefully tonight or tomorrow with a nice glass of wine, I'll be sitting down at the computer to catch up with your lives.
In the meantime, I have a few questions that I'm looking for input on ...
1) I would like to purchase a nice gift for our baby's birth mom. Nothing super-duper expensive, but something nice that she will have in remembrance of him. I saw this on the first season of Tee.nMo.m with Tyler and Catelynn, when the birth mom that adopted their little girl gave Catelynn a necklace (or bracelet, I can't remember which). The birth mom had a matching necklace and also the baby had a necklace.
Do you think a gift like this is a good idea? Suggestions for what to get? Do you do this for a boy? Will this cause more pain than its worth? Do I give it to her at the hospital or wait and mail it to her mom's address (where things will go until she's ready to see them)?
Also, I'm looking for advice for what to say/do in the hospital with the birth mom. I know its going to be so painful and I'll feel helpless and awkward no matter what, but any advice you can give would be most appreciated. HELP!!!
2) Cats. So ... I have some indoor kitties and I wondered what those of you that had cats did regarding sleeping around the baby. Currently, our cats have free roam of the house. We have some window perches in our bedroom where they sleep on and can see out the window. When the baby comes, I'd thought about keeping the baby in our room, shutting the door and keeping the cats out. Then I read that you shouldn't keep the door shut as there's not good enough air flow in an enclosed room. What do I do? I had a thought about home-making a screen door for the baby's room that would keep the cats out. Do you think that's crazy or would work? A friend had done that for their son, and it seemed to work.
Thanks for all the input with your answers, and also for putting up with my random updates and lack of blogging-attentiveness. I guess life just gets crazier from here on out!
It all started last week, one random weeknight when I had the urge to run through the house and gather all the items that I didn't use or hadn't used in awhile. I want simplicity, especially since a ton more items are going to come into the house, most of them tiny, and most all of them from the ever-excited grandparent-to-be ... my mother-in-law. I piled all the unwanted, unused items up in my room, snapped photos of them and then created a Fa.cebook album that I emailed to all friends and family about "free stuff." Some items left that way and some went to Goodwill this weekend. I tell you what ... it feels GREAT to purge!
On Friday night, I got home from work about 6:30 pm, then laid on the couch and promptly fell asleep. I slept all the way until 6 am the next morning. I guess I was tired! Since I had to work on Saturday, I got up at 6 and proceeded to fill nail holes & demolish the existing closet shelving, so it would be ready to paint when I got home from work that day.
Once I got home from work, I had to pick out paint colors, which is a job I detest. I never pick the right shade, I repaint and repaint ( ... and repaint ... that's the story of my Master Bedroom ... finally after 3 different colors, I got a color I like ... or they just layered to make a color I liked.) I guess I like the colors I picked now, seeing them up on the wall. I did three walls in a light grey color and one wall as an accent wall in a navy-ish blue. We have a green recliner that I'm moving out of the living room to make way for baby stuff, so it goes in the bedroom in lieu of a glider. We have yet to do anything inside the closet that is new, but will do some wire shelving for sure. Lots of little clothes/blankets/stuff to store. We purchased a new ceiling light, new window blinds (and new curtains), as the rest of the house "matches" except for this room. I moved a dresser in that we had stuffed in a closet and brought out my old baby lamp from (almost) 31 years ago to provide ambient light. We are going to be using the family bassinet, in which my father and his siblings slept, and all us kids slept in, and now the third generation of great-grandbabies are sleeping in. Having the opportunity to use the family bassinet is something I've been waiting to do for a long time. I simply cannot believe that this might actually be real and in a few short weeks, will be (God-willing) blessed with a baby. Its just so surreal.
I will post pictures of the room once its more finished than it is now ... no crib, nothing on the walls, one curtain missing (the store only had one panel and the other "might" be there in 7-10 days). Don't worry ... I haven't forgotten your requests. :) Also, I have been lax about reading all of your blog posts! I apologize! I'm trying to catch up. Hopefully tonight or tomorrow with a nice glass of wine, I'll be sitting down at the computer to catch up with your lives.
In the meantime, I have a few questions that I'm looking for input on ...
1) I would like to purchase a nice gift for our baby's birth mom. Nothing super-duper expensive, but something nice that she will have in remembrance of him. I saw this on the first season of Tee.nMo.m with Tyler and Catelynn, when the birth mom that adopted their little girl gave Catelynn a necklace (or bracelet, I can't remember which). The birth mom had a matching necklace and also the baby had a necklace.
Do you think a gift like this is a good idea? Suggestions for what to get? Do you do this for a boy? Will this cause more pain than its worth? Do I give it to her at the hospital or wait and mail it to her mom's address (where things will go until she's ready to see them)?
Also, I'm looking for advice for what to say/do in the hospital with the birth mom. I know its going to be so painful and I'll feel helpless and awkward no matter what, but any advice you can give would be most appreciated. HELP!!!
2) Cats. So ... I have some indoor kitties and I wondered what those of you that had cats did regarding sleeping around the baby. Currently, our cats have free roam of the house. We have some window perches in our bedroom where they sleep on and can see out the window. When the baby comes, I'd thought about keeping the baby in our room, shutting the door and keeping the cats out. Then I read that you shouldn't keep the door shut as there's not good enough air flow in an enclosed room. What do I do? I had a thought about home-making a screen door for the baby's room that would keep the cats out. Do you think that's crazy or would work? A friend had done that for their son, and it seemed to work.
Thanks for all the input with your answers, and also for putting up with my random updates and lack of blogging-attentiveness. I guess life just gets crazier from here on out!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Playing Catch Up
Hi ladies! As you know, I've been commenting and reading your blogs, but haven't updated on mine for over two weeks. I've been absolutely, insanely, crazy-busy with work. It makes my mind not want to form sentences or think any cohesive thoughts outside of work time, which there isn't much of. Let me recap.
The day of my last post, we had a Home & Garden Show to be a vendor at, as I sell & design Kitchen Cabinetry & Countertops. In the middle of the show, I ran over to meet Becca, our birth mom. Then it was back to the show the rest of Friday & Saturday. This excludes all the prep hours the week of the show. The weekend was then made more exciting by an argument that my in-laws had that night.
The next week, I believe I put in about 66.5 hours of work trying to catch up on things. We have a very small company (there's only 2 of us designers & 1 installer), and we sell over $1 million each year. We used to have two more people in the office full time, which helped us on outside measures & bookwork, but they have since started working part time or not at all and we've had to pick up the slack. A lot. Our quotes used to take about a week from initial measure/consult to a design presentation. Now we're lucky if we can get quotes back in two weeks. So, stressed out isn't even close to how I feel. Especially working at least 50-60 hours each week for several weeks now. No wonder last month's cycle was so wonky!
Speaking of cycle reviews, Dr. K at PPVI hasn't really gotten back to me yet on how my P+4 ultrasound looked. There were some large cysts on my left ovary, but looked like they were shrinking. I'd taken Fe.mara last month. I guess it really works, as those follicles grow huge! Last month, I'd started on Cortef (Total of 20 mg 2x per day) as I scored low on the adrenal questionnaire and my levels were low. Its helping me handle some of the stress. Hubby and I had to do a Semen Analysis last month, but never got the results back from PPVI. All they said was that hubby had an infection and to take a 21 day antibiotic. Not sure if we have to re-do that "fun" procedure. There's nothing romantic about "suiting up" to make love. I really don't know how people do it and enjoy it.
In adoption news, its a "no-news-is-good-news" kind of situation. We haven't met or talked with Becca (the birthmom) or Sue (our adoption case worker) since our meet up last month. We did meet with a local lawyer and got some info about how the adoption works in our state. Becca has 24 hours after the birth to change her mind. We also need to get paperwork signed / parental rights terminated from the birth father. That may be the trickiest part of all. Once initial papers are signed, in about 45 days, our petition will go before the court and then we will be "officially" a family.
I guess that's about it for updates for now. There are a few other things, but I'll work them into upcoming posts. We haven't gotten far at all on the baby's room, other than emptying it out, but we have amassed a collection of clothes, which now need a home. I hope to not have too much to do this weekend so as to at least get things started in there. Picking a paint color and deciding on a theme is the hardest thing. Its just so surreal that this is actually happening!
The day of my last post, we had a Home & Garden Show to be a vendor at, as I sell & design Kitchen Cabinetry & Countertops. In the middle of the show, I ran over to meet Becca, our birth mom. Then it was back to the show the rest of Friday & Saturday. This excludes all the prep hours the week of the show. The weekend was then made more exciting by an argument that my in-laws had that night.
The next week, I believe I put in about 66.5 hours of work trying to catch up on things. We have a very small company (there's only 2 of us designers & 1 installer), and we sell over $1 million each year. We used to have two more people in the office full time, which helped us on outside measures & bookwork, but they have since started working part time or not at all and we've had to pick up the slack. A lot. Our quotes used to take about a week from initial measure/consult to a design presentation. Now we're lucky if we can get quotes back in two weeks. So, stressed out isn't even close to how I feel. Especially working at least 50-60 hours each week for several weeks now. No wonder last month's cycle was so wonky!
Speaking of cycle reviews, Dr. K at PPVI hasn't really gotten back to me yet on how my P+4 ultrasound looked. There were some large cysts on my left ovary, but looked like they were shrinking. I'd taken Fe.mara last month. I guess it really works, as those follicles grow huge! Last month, I'd started on Cortef (Total of 20 mg 2x per day) as I scored low on the adrenal questionnaire and my levels were low. Its helping me handle some of the stress. Hubby and I had to do a Semen Analysis last month, but never got the results back from PPVI. All they said was that hubby had an infection and to take a 21 day antibiotic. Not sure if we have to re-do that "fun" procedure. There's nothing romantic about "suiting up" to make love. I really don't know how people do it and enjoy it.
In adoption news, its a "no-news-is-good-news" kind of situation. We haven't met or talked with Becca (the birthmom) or Sue (our adoption case worker) since our meet up last month. We did meet with a local lawyer and got some info about how the adoption works in our state. Becca has 24 hours after the birth to change her mind. We also need to get paperwork signed / parental rights terminated from the birth father. That may be the trickiest part of all. Once initial papers are signed, in about 45 days, our petition will go before the court and then we will be "officially" a family.
I guess that's about it for updates for now. There are a few other things, but I'll work them into upcoming posts. We haven't gotten far at all on the baby's room, other than emptying it out, but we have amassed a collection of clothes, which now need a home. I hope to not have too much to do this weekend so as to at least get things started in there. Picking a paint color and deciding on a theme is the hardest thing. Its just so surreal that this is actually happening!
Friday, February 17, 2012
We met his Mom today!
Today at 3 pm we met baby boy's mom, Becca and her mom. I was so nervous all day. I swear I was going to vomit. They don't prep you to meet Birthmoms in IF land. We ended up meeting in the waiting room, as she was the only pregnant lady there with her mom. We smiled at each other.
I can't imagine how nervous she was, but I know how nervous I was. I couldn't think of anything to say. I wanted to look the best for her, and so did my hubby. He wanted us to get there 10 minutes early so "she would know how much we care about her baby."
She told us she picked us partly because we had waited so long. I was touched! We talked about the birth plan and the plan for contact through the years. We talked about name choices. We found out Becca's mom works up near where hubby's parents live. I also noticed that she wrote down Catholic under her religious affiliation. I had prayed to God to show me how and if this was the right situation, and I believe it is, due to our conversation today.
Overall, it was awkward at first, but I think it was all the pressure we all felt. I hope we conveyed how much we wanted to be parents to her son. We asked Sue what she thought about Becca going through with the adoption and she felt really good, although she stressed there was no guarantee.
Hubby and I feel confident in her decision and will be going forward making arrangements, painting his room, finding a lawyer, and all the fun stuff that comes with babies. We told our families to wait with holding a shower until we have the baby, as I want to make sure we have a baby to celebrate. Thus is getting more real by the day!
Thank you for all your prayers and congratulations! We know they are how hubby and I have stayed as calm as we have in the last week. Please keep us, Becca, baby boy and Becca's family in your prayers in the month ahead. I know your prayers have prayed up this baby. I have no doubt about that!
I can't imagine how nervous she was, but I know how nervous I was. I couldn't think of anything to say. I wanted to look the best for her, and so did my hubby. He wanted us to get there 10 minutes early so "she would know how much we care about her baby."
She told us she picked us partly because we had waited so long. I was touched! We talked about the birth plan and the plan for contact through the years. We talked about name choices. We found out Becca's mom works up near where hubby's parents live. I also noticed that she wrote down Catholic under her religious affiliation. I had prayed to God to show me how and if this was the right situation, and I believe it is, due to our conversation today.
Overall, it was awkward at first, but I think it was all the pressure we all felt. I hope we conveyed how much we wanted to be parents to her son. We asked Sue what she thought about Becca going through with the adoption and she felt really good, although she stressed there was no guarantee.
Hubby and I feel confident in her decision and will be going forward making arrangements, painting his room, finding a lawyer, and all the fun stuff that comes with babies. We told our families to wait with holding a shower until we have the baby, as I want to make sure we have a baby to celebrate. Thus is getting more real by the day!
Thank you for all your prayers and congratulations! We know they are how hubby and I have stayed as calm as we have in the last week. Please keep us, Becca, baby boy and Becca's family in your prayers in the month ahead. I know your prayers have prayed up this baby. I have no doubt about that!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
This could be it!!!!
Friday turned out to be a pretty great day!
I vented to my hubby about being stressed out about work via text in the morning. He was such a sweetie that he brought me flowers and chocolate at lunch! I was blown away. It was so unexpected.
I thought the day couldn't get any better. And then ...
We got The Call at 3:18 pm from Sue, our Adoption Case Worker in our town. She told me that we were picked by a Birthmom who is due April 1st!
I don't remember thinking much of anything except, "Can this really be happening?" I asked her some questions to get more detail and then got off the phone and squealed! I galloped back to my co-worker's office and told her excitedly that we got picked to be parents!
I then made the exciting phone call to break the news to my hubby with the following details:
- She is a young mom with one child already.
- She lives in our city, but is moving to a town about 30 mins. south in about 6 months
- She wants to meet us this coming week
- She wants to have an open adoption with pictures, cards, letters
- She took our photo book home with her and feels that we are the couple to raise her son
- Our case worker feels confident that she is serious (although we are still cautious)
I was also told the sex of the baby (I couldn't resist!).
We are having a ......
I vented to my hubby about being stressed out about work via text in the morning. He was such a sweetie that he brought me flowers and chocolate at lunch! I was blown away. It was so unexpected.
I thought the day couldn't get any better. And then ...
We got The Call at 3:18 pm from Sue, our Adoption Case Worker in our town. She told me that we were picked by a Birthmom who is due April 1st!
I don't remember thinking much of anything except, "Can this really be happening?" I asked her some questions to get more detail and then got off the phone and squealed! I galloped back to my co-worker's office and told her excitedly that we got picked to be parents!
I then made the exciting phone call to break the news to my hubby with the following details:
- She is a young mom with one child already.
- She lives in our city, but is moving to a town about 30 mins. south in about 6 months
- She wants to meet us this coming week
- She wants to have an open adoption with pictures, cards, letters
- She took our photo book home with her and feels that we are the couple to raise her son
- Our case worker feels confident that she is serious (although we are still cautious)
I was also told the sex of the baby (I couldn't resist!).
We are having a ......
BABY BOY!!!
I ask your prayers that we will connect with the Birthmom at our meeting next week and that she will go through with this adoption, although we pray that God's will be done, no matter the outcome. I know that several ladies have had failed adoptions, and I am trying to steel my heart against being too excited. But its hard. My mind has been racing with disbelief, then joy, then mentally planning what to do for EVERYTHING, then back to the possibility that this baby may not be guaranteed to us. I feel like I'm on a roller-coaster of emotion, yet trying to trust in God's plan.
Any prayers & advice you have during this time is appreciated, as are prayers for the Birthmom's and Baby's health and a safe delivery. I will keep you updated after our meeting next week.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Thank You!
I have to THANK YOU ALL for your wonderful advice and wisdom in your comments and emails. You have made such an impact in my life, its unbelievable! You are all my trusted friends.
We didn't end up going to see the baby this weekend. The roads were good enough that we traveled to a friend's wedding that we'd planned on. I'd kind of hoped that was the case, but was ready to see the baby anyway.
Several of you mentioned sending a card, which we are doing. Also, there were suggestions about having an excuse to leave, which I think is a must for when we do go. And of course, we'll probably give ourselves a treat afterwards by celebrating "us."
I'm not afraid now of seeing the baby. I'm sure my stomach will be in knots a little once we get there, but I feel stronger now, that I can see the baby. I will imagine all of my blogger friends there with me. I've been checking out Fac.ebook so I can get "used to" all the comments, pictures, happiness oozing out everywhere, etc from the parents, grandparents, relatives and such. It hurts to see the pictures and read the comments, but I know of no other way to "condition" myself for what I will face.
Since we have to drive 2-1/2 hours one way to see the baby & parents, we'll probably work it into a weekend trip out there. Its a long day if we spend 5 hours driving and an hour visiting. I hope the new parents will understand. From what it sounds like now, the baby sleeps most of the time anyway. I have to work weekends for my job and it doesn't help that I have to work the next two weekends either. After that, I plan to take a weekend and go see my pregnant friend with twins. (Gulp!)
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for all the prayers!
*******************
Now, head on over and congratulate these ladies ....
Meghan just recently had baby Christian, who was truly a miracle pregnancy (read her story from the beginning!). Please congratulate her and her family on their newest addition!
Jenny at All Things just recently announced that she is pregnant after the craziest cycle of charting! Please send her your Best Wishes on this happy announcement!
We didn't end up going to see the baby this weekend. The roads were good enough that we traveled to a friend's wedding that we'd planned on. I'd kind of hoped that was the case, but was ready to see the baby anyway.
Several of you mentioned sending a card, which we are doing. Also, there were suggestions about having an excuse to leave, which I think is a must for when we do go. And of course, we'll probably give ourselves a treat afterwards by celebrating "us."
I'm not afraid now of seeing the baby. I'm sure my stomach will be in knots a little once we get there, but I feel stronger now, that I can see the baby. I will imagine all of my blogger friends there with me. I've been checking out Fac.ebook so I can get "used to" all the comments, pictures, happiness oozing out everywhere, etc from the parents, grandparents, relatives and such. It hurts to see the pictures and read the comments, but I know of no other way to "condition" myself for what I will face.
Since we have to drive 2-1/2 hours one way to see the baby & parents, we'll probably work it into a weekend trip out there. Its a long day if we spend 5 hours driving and an hour visiting. I hope the new parents will understand. From what it sounds like now, the baby sleeps most of the time anyway. I have to work weekends for my job and it doesn't help that I have to work the next two weekends either. After that, I plan to take a weekend and go see my pregnant friend with twins. (Gulp!)
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for all the prayers!
*******************
Now, head on over and congratulate these ladies ....
Meghan just recently had baby Christian, who was truly a miracle pregnancy (read her story from the beginning!). Please congratulate her and her family on their newest addition!
Jenny at All Things just recently announced that she is pregnant after the craziest cycle of charting! Please send her your Best Wishes on this happy announcement!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Weekend Plans
This morning, my hubby asked me to ask my blog ladies about what they thought on when to plan to visit our new nephew. We have a wedding reception we are planning on going to this weekend up north, but if the weather is bad (they predict 7-15 in. of snow), we might change our plans ... and hubby says we'll have to go see the new baby. As Faith Makes Things Possible said in her comment on my last post, it may help to see the baby to overcome my hurt, anger and jealousy. I am hoping it will prove the same for me.
But is this weekend too soon? BIL & SIL live about 2-1/2 hours east of us (they won't get as much snow). Of course, the baby's grandparents and one of hubby's brothers have been there already and may be there over the weekend too. I anticipate lots of other friends & family visiting this weekend as well. I guess if we went this weekend to see the baby instead of driving into the bad weather for the wedding reception, it would take the spotlight off of us saying much of anything, but I'm wondering if its too soon for me. I know I will visit at some point (within the next few months, I'm sure), but want my heart to heal a bit. I'm afraid of all the excited baby-crazed people and their off-hand comments that I might take to heart too much. I'm also afraid of the gushing of the new parents over their baby. I'm afraid of crying when I hold him, because I long for a baby too. But I also know in the back of my mind that I shouldn't steal their joy ... but if I'm not there to cry or be hurt, then I can't do that, right?
In your opinion, when do you think we should drive over to see the parents and baby?
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
It Happens Today
I guess today is the "official" day I become an aunt. My BIL texted my hubby this morning to say that they're in the hospital and hope to have the baby around noon today. There's no more avoiding them in real life. The baby is coming early, as they were due on Valentine's Day ... a day which my MIL on FB said "Was so, so perfect for the first Grandchild" or some crap like that.
I must have known something was up yesterday, b/c I got really angry and upset last night and lashed out at my husband. We were out running errands and for some reason, I brought up the topic of BIL & SIL & new baby. Which led to the comment from me about being lapped ... again! Which led him to say that ... well, your BFF with twins was "older" & "why do I compare myself to her and others?". Which made me angrier. I told him you don't say that to an infertile person (actually, I've told him this twice before last night, too). It wasn't a great night.
This morning as I was getting ready for work, hubby told me they were in the hospital. I read hubby's texts when he was in the shower ... apparently it was a mass text-message to everyone but me (thank goodness!) ... about the progress of SIL & her labor. As I was getting ready, my mind flashed this morning to all the happenings in the future. Of course, we'll have to go see the baby here soon. We'll have to coo and ooohhh and ahhhhh over him. Its not like he won't be cute or undeserving of the attention and praise, but rather, my heart will be breaking inside. He'll be the center of attention when we go back to MIL & FIL's for a family gathering. Everything will revolve around him ... especially knowing MIL. There will be so many comments about baby. All the while ignoring the infertile person who will hear them. I want to scream at them all that "I have been trying to get pregnant for 5-1/2 years ... don't you know the hurt I feel?" ... 'cause they don't know. Obviously. They have sex one time when their birth control didn't work, they weren't "trying" and poof ... a baby ... who didn't come according to their plans. Well ... I wouldn't know ANYTHING about that!
After hubby got out of the shower, my anger erupted again (I had time to think ... which is not always good). I yelled at hubby. I didn't want to get updates. Who is their right mind would think I would? I thought I had accepted what was going to happen, but I guess I really didn't. You see, I had practiced the super-effective technique of "avoidance" ... but now I can't avoid it anymore (in reality, its not so effective ... don't try that yourself.)
I don't know where the anger comes from. I'm mad at God. I wonder when will it be my turn? How long do I have to wait? Why do others who don't want a baby get one ... not me? Please understand, I do NOT hate the baby, but I do hate what kind of person I've become. I can't get rid of the anger and hurt and JEALOUSY. I'm mad at the fact that no one IRL understands my infertility and thinks about whether or not I have to be included for some things, or hear certain comments for that matter. They are all super-fertile, so of course that's not on their radar.
This morning, hubby said "You're going to have to get used to it." I find his comments unhelpful. Of course, he doesn't feel like being helpful or kind once I've yelled at him, either, so if I'm thinking straight, I can't blame him. How do I "get used to it?" How do I swallow my anger/hurt/jealousy towards my BIL, SIL & MIL? I'm going to need some coping tips.
I must have known something was up yesterday, b/c I got really angry and upset last night and lashed out at my husband. We were out running errands and for some reason, I brought up the topic of BIL & SIL & new baby. Which led to the comment from me about being lapped ... again! Which led him to say that ... well, your BFF with twins was "older" & "why do I compare myself to her and others?". Which made me angrier. I told him you don't say that to an infertile person (actually, I've told him this twice before last night, too). It wasn't a great night.
This morning as I was getting ready for work, hubby told me they were in the hospital. I read hubby's texts when he was in the shower ... apparently it was a mass text-message to everyone but me (thank goodness!) ... about the progress of SIL & her labor. As I was getting ready, my mind flashed this morning to all the happenings in the future. Of course, we'll have to go see the baby here soon. We'll have to coo and ooohhh and ahhhhh over him. Its not like he won't be cute or undeserving of the attention and praise, but rather, my heart will be breaking inside. He'll be the center of attention when we go back to MIL & FIL's for a family gathering. Everything will revolve around him ... especially knowing MIL. There will be so many comments about baby. All the while ignoring the infertile person who will hear them. I want to scream at them all that "I have been trying to get pregnant for 5-1/2 years ... don't you know the hurt I feel?" ... 'cause they don't know. Obviously. They have sex one time when their birth control didn't work, they weren't "trying" and poof ... a baby ... who didn't come according to their plans. Well ... I wouldn't know ANYTHING about that!
After hubby got out of the shower, my anger erupted again (I had time to think ... which is not always good). I yelled at hubby. I didn't want to get updates. Who is their right mind would think I would? I thought I had accepted what was going to happen, but I guess I really didn't. You see, I had practiced the super-effective technique of "avoidance" ... but now I can't avoid it anymore (in reality, its not so effective ... don't try that yourself.)
I don't know where the anger comes from. I'm mad at God. I wonder when will it be my turn? How long do I have to wait? Why do others who don't want a baby get one ... not me? Please understand, I do NOT hate the baby, but I do hate what kind of person I've become. I can't get rid of the anger and hurt and JEALOUSY. I'm mad at the fact that no one IRL understands my infertility and thinks about whether or not I have to be included for some things, or hear certain comments for that matter. They are all super-fertile, so of course that's not on their radar.
This morning, hubby said "You're going to have to get used to it." I find his comments unhelpful. Of course, he doesn't feel like being helpful or kind once I've yelled at him, either, so if I'm thinking straight, I can't blame him. How do I "get used to it?" How do I swallow my anger/hurt/jealousy towards my BIL, SIL & MIL? I'm going to need some coping tips.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Congrats & A Video Link
Congrats to G @ Renewing Moments for her new adorable, baby daughter that she met on Friday, Jan 13th! Who says Friday the 13th is unlucky? :-) Head over to her blog to congratulate G and her family!
I just *HAD* to share this amazing video graciously posted by Jen @ Forever, For Always, No Matter What! You'll have to watch it, then watch it again. Share it and make those around you THINK!
I just *HAD* to share this amazing video graciously posted by Jen @ Forever, For Always, No Matter What! You'll have to watch it, then watch it again. Share it and make those around you THINK!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Updates
I've had alot of posts that I've written in my head that have never actually made it to the blog (they're the best ones!) ... but I wanted to do a quick update on what's been going on in my life.
I finally decided this year to write a Christmas letter to our families and friends. In the letter, we disclosed the news that we are adopting and have been approved to do so. We also included the following paragraph to help people see a little of what our struggle was.
"As many of you know, we have desperately wanted to start our family for years now. After Amanda’s surgeries last year, we thought they would do the trick, along with various medicines, but there are still underlying issues that we haven’t found. Although we are still open to life, we desire to be parents more than we wish to have a biological child. Because of this, we have spent the last six months researching, doing paperwork and completing a home study so we can adopt a child. As of October 21, we are officially approved to be adoptive parents should a birth mother choose us! We are using a local agency, coupled with a lawyer, in hopes that we can have more exposure. It has been difficult watching as our family and friends begin and expand their families as we still wait to become parents. We ask for your prayers as we carry this cross, as well as for God’s guidance in the adoption process, both for us and for all birth parents, who have difficult decisions to make."
We celebrated Christmas with our families in our hometowns, spending a few days with each family. We started with the hubby's parents in northern Kansas up to Christmas Eve. Hubby's brother that hadn't been to a family Christmas in 2 years showed up and it was great to see him again! It was a good time with his family ... up to the opening of the Christmas presents. We draw names to buy just one gift and that went well. Then at the end, was "Baby J" gift time, for the new grandbaby-to-be. Hubby's mom had wrapped up a monogrammed suitcase with the baby's name on it and had stuffed it with baby clothes out the whazoo. We spent about 15 minutes watching the new parents-to-be pull out outfit after outfit. While it was worse than having my wisdom teeth pulled, no one else realized it was (Hello! Didn't they read my letter?). Hubby gave up feigning interest and decided to play on his iPad. I gave up looking in their direction at all and began counting everything in sight to keep from crying and tried to think of all the people that had requested prayers and tried to offer up my situation for them. I wasn't in the greatest of moods after that and it really affected my mood the next day at my parent's house.
My dad, ever so thoughtfully, had read an article in the Columbia magazine about a couple's use of NFP, adopting, and then seeking treatment from the Pope Paul VI Institute. After their first adopted son, they had four more kids with the help of PPVI. He had saved the magazine article and gave it to me to read after we arrived. It may have been uplifting to some, but at the time, I wasn't having it and got sad at the fact that not all stories end up with such a happy ending. I know that someday I'll have a baby, but it seems to take forever to get there!
After Christmas celebrations with the family, we came back home and I wrote Thank You's (yes, I believe in Thank You's for all gifts) to my family and apologized for my lack of enthusiasm and "Pouty Patty" attitude. Sometimes its easier to get out my feelings in writing rather than in words, as I would cry before anyone could understand what I was saying. This week, I got the most wonderful, handwritten card back from my dad (that I'm saving for all eternity). I received it at work, so was a mess after I read it. Here are a few snippets that make me weepy:
"As a parent, I can feel the pain you are experiencing, as for us it took over three years to conceive you and the emptiness you feel in waiting ... You and DH have done all the right things up to this point and continue on with them. As humans, we want things to happen on our time schedule, but the Lord has His plan and it is a much better one. I know the both of you have faith in the Lord & Blessed Mother and you have shown the love you have for them and for each other. So what you need to do now is to HOPE ... and that takes a deep committment. God has heard your pleading and petitions and He will answer you, for where two or three ask in His name, He will respond. I had read just recently that after having received Holy Communion, and as well as when going to Mass, to ask God for a special intention, for that is when He is close to you. I am saying a daily prayer for you to St. Joseph, as he had lived a life of trust and great virtue and is always at our side to help ... I don't think DH's mom had meant to hurt your feelings, but that has happened and it is hard to overlook ... Continue to pray as I am for you and one day it will be sweet success."
I can't tell you how good it felt (and still feels) to be validated in my feelings to become a mother.
One of our other big Christmas Letter Announcements is that we are also working with a lawyer in a larger town about 1-1/2 hours south of us, in addition to our caseworker at Catholic Charities in our town. They have more exposure and we didn't have to do much more than write a single letter for the both of us (a total of 2 pages, vs 3-5 pages) and narrow our pictures down to six. It was hard, considering we'd made Mixb.ooks of photos and stories of us, and had just ordered eight more. The lawyer said that they want everyone to be on an "equal" playing field. Well, I don't! I want the care and detail I went into to be reflected in how much I desire to become a mom and for that to be evident. Oh well. I will have eight momentos now. Our lawyer has afforded us with more exposure and opportunities, as in my last post. THANK YOU to all who commented and prayed. We haven't heard more about that opportunity, but decided to include our profile in the running. In addition to that opportunity, we have had several other times to have our profile shown, and are just praying that we'll know when the "right one" comes along. That ... and we need to save more money! The big number at the end is scary!!!
I've also been talking (over email) to my BFF, who recently told me she was pregnant with twins. I disclosed my hate/hate relationship with Faceb.ook and why I don't check it anymore (too much baby stuff) ... and also how I don't handle baby situations well. She is surprisingly ok with it and even volunteered to come see me in the next few months. I'm really considering it, and might to decide to drive to see her, as I'm sure traveling isn't fun while pregnant, but especially not with twins. I'm trying to think of it from the flip side of the coin, and I'm glad that she is too. I told her about the suitcase full of baby clothes and how I was hurt and she agreed that she would have felt the same and probably stormed off. I'm glad God is working with us (me especially) on our relationship and preserving it.
Today is my SIL's baby shower (for baby J). I decided not to go. I'm sure some of you will think that cowardly and some of you not, but for me, its what I need to do right now. I hope that if my SIL were in my shoes, she would understand how painful it would be to attend. I'm sure enough happy people (like my going overboard MIL) will be there that she will have a great time anyway.
_____________________________________________________
Awhile ago, I had the opportunity to pick a saint for 2012 ... mine is St. Francis Xavier Cabrini. She is the patron of immigrants, emigrants, hospital administrators, orphans & against malaria. I'm not sure quite how that fits, but I am sort of an "administrator" at work ... I'm the hub and information person ... so maybe that's why.
I finally decided this year to write a Christmas letter to our families and friends. In the letter, we disclosed the news that we are adopting and have been approved to do so. We also included the following paragraph to help people see a little of what our struggle was.
"As many of you know, we have desperately wanted to start our family for years now. After Amanda’s surgeries last year, we thought they would do the trick, along with various medicines, but there are still underlying issues that we haven’t found. Although we are still open to life, we desire to be parents more than we wish to have a biological child. Because of this, we have spent the last six months researching, doing paperwork and completing a home study so we can adopt a child. As of October 21, we are officially approved to be adoptive parents should a birth mother choose us! We are using a local agency, coupled with a lawyer, in hopes that we can have more exposure. It has been difficult watching as our family and friends begin and expand their families as we still wait to become parents. We ask for your prayers as we carry this cross, as well as for God’s guidance in the adoption process, both for us and for all birth parents, who have difficult decisions to make."
We celebrated Christmas with our families in our hometowns, spending a few days with each family. We started with the hubby's parents in northern Kansas up to Christmas Eve. Hubby's brother that hadn't been to a family Christmas in 2 years showed up and it was great to see him again! It was a good time with his family ... up to the opening of the Christmas presents. We draw names to buy just one gift and that went well. Then at the end, was "Baby J" gift time, for the new grandbaby-to-be. Hubby's mom had wrapped up a monogrammed suitcase with the baby's name on it and had stuffed it with baby clothes out the whazoo. We spent about 15 minutes watching the new parents-to-be pull out outfit after outfit. While it was worse than having my wisdom teeth pulled, no one else realized it was (Hello! Didn't they read my letter?). Hubby gave up feigning interest and decided to play on his iPad. I gave up looking in their direction at all and began counting everything in sight to keep from crying and tried to think of all the people that had requested prayers and tried to offer up my situation for them. I wasn't in the greatest of moods after that and it really affected my mood the next day at my parent's house.
My dad, ever so thoughtfully, had read an article in the Columbia magazine about a couple's use of NFP, adopting, and then seeking treatment from the Pope Paul VI Institute. After their first adopted son, they had four more kids with the help of PPVI. He had saved the magazine article and gave it to me to read after we arrived. It may have been uplifting to some, but at the time, I wasn't having it and got sad at the fact that not all stories end up with such a happy ending. I know that someday I'll have a baby, but it seems to take forever to get there!
After Christmas celebrations with the family, we came back home and I wrote Thank You's (yes, I believe in Thank You's for all gifts) to my family and apologized for my lack of enthusiasm and "Pouty Patty" attitude. Sometimes its easier to get out my feelings in writing rather than in words, as I would cry before anyone could understand what I was saying. This week, I got the most wonderful, handwritten card back from my dad (that I'm saving for all eternity). I received it at work, so was a mess after I read it. Here are a few snippets that make me weepy:
"As a parent, I can feel the pain you are experiencing, as for us it took over three years to conceive you and the emptiness you feel in waiting ... You and DH have done all the right things up to this point and continue on with them. As humans, we want things to happen on our time schedule, but the Lord has His plan and it is a much better one. I know the both of you have faith in the Lord & Blessed Mother and you have shown the love you have for them and for each other. So what you need to do now is to HOPE ... and that takes a deep committment. God has heard your pleading and petitions and He will answer you, for where two or three ask in His name, He will respond. I had read just recently that after having received Holy Communion, and as well as when going to Mass, to ask God for a special intention, for that is when He is close to you. I am saying a daily prayer for you to St. Joseph, as he had lived a life of trust and great virtue and is always at our side to help ... I don't think DH's mom had meant to hurt your feelings, but that has happened and it is hard to overlook ... Continue to pray as I am for you and one day it will be sweet success."
I can't tell you how good it felt (and still feels) to be validated in my feelings to become a mother.
One of our other big Christmas Letter Announcements is that we are also working with a lawyer in a larger town about 1-1/2 hours south of us, in addition to our caseworker at Catholic Charities in our town. They have more exposure and we didn't have to do much more than write a single letter for the both of us (a total of 2 pages, vs 3-5 pages) and narrow our pictures down to six. It was hard, considering we'd made Mixb.ooks of photos and stories of us, and had just ordered eight more. The lawyer said that they want everyone to be on an "equal" playing field. Well, I don't! I want the care and detail I went into to be reflected in how much I desire to become a mom and for that to be evident. Oh well. I will have eight momentos now. Our lawyer has afforded us with more exposure and opportunities, as in my last post. THANK YOU to all who commented and prayed. We haven't heard more about that opportunity, but decided to include our profile in the running. In addition to that opportunity, we have had several other times to have our profile shown, and are just praying that we'll know when the "right one" comes along. That ... and we need to save more money! The big number at the end is scary!!!
I've also been talking (over email) to my BFF, who recently told me she was pregnant with twins. I disclosed my hate/hate relationship with Faceb.ook and why I don't check it anymore (too much baby stuff) ... and also how I don't handle baby situations well. She is surprisingly ok with it and even volunteered to come see me in the next few months. I'm really considering it, and might to decide to drive to see her, as I'm sure traveling isn't fun while pregnant, but especially not with twins. I'm trying to think of it from the flip side of the coin, and I'm glad that she is too. I told her about the suitcase full of baby clothes and how I was hurt and she agreed that she would have felt the same and probably stormed off. I'm glad God is working with us (me especially) on our relationship and preserving it.
Today is my SIL's baby shower (for baby J). I decided not to go. I'm sure some of you will think that cowardly and some of you not, but for me, its what I need to do right now. I hope that if my SIL were in my shoes, she would understand how painful it would be to attend. I'm sure enough happy people (like my going overboard MIL) will be there that she will have a great time anyway.
_____________________________________________________
Awhile ago, I had the opportunity to pick a saint for 2012 ... mine is St. Francis Xavier Cabrini. She is the patron of immigrants, emigrants, hospital administrators, orphans & against malaria. I'm not sure quite how that fits, but I am sort of an "administrator" at work ... I'm the hub and information person ... so maybe that's why.
Inspired by the grace of God, we join the saints in honoring the holy virgin Frances Xavier Cabrini. She was a humble woman who became outstanding not because she was famous or rich or powerful, but because she lived a virtuous life. From the tender years of her youth, she kept her innocence as white as a lily and preserved it carefully with the thorns of penitence; as the years progressed, she was moved by a certain instinct and supernatural zeal to dedicate her whole life to the service and greater glory of God. She welcomed delinquent youths into safe homes, and taught them to live upright and holy lives. She consoled those who were in prison, and recalled to them the hope of eternal life. She encouraged prisoners to reform themselves, and to live honest lives. She comforted the sick and the infirm in the hospitals, and diligently cared for them. She extended a friendly and helping hand especially to immigrants, and offered them necessary shelter and relief, for having left their homeland behind, they were wandering about in a foreign land with no place to turn for help. Because of their condition, she saw that they were in danger of deserting the practice of Christian virtues and their Catholic faith. Undoubtedly she accomplished all this through the faith which was always so vibrant and alive in her heart; through the divine love which burned within her; and finally, through constant prayer by which she was so closely united with God from whom she humbly asked and obtained whatever her human weakness could not obtain. Although her constitution was very frail, her spirit was endowed with such singular strength that, knowing the will of God in her regard, she permitted nothing to impede her from accomplishing what seemed beyond her strength.
- from a homily at the Canonization of Saint Frances Xavier Cabrini by Pope Pius XII
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
How do you decide?
We have had some opportunities in the last month or so about whether we are interested in having our profile shown to a birth mom who has used drugs. One has used heroin for the first 4 months of her pregnancy.
What has been your experience with this? Has anyone adopted children exposed to drug use, especially serious drug use? I'm praying for God's guidance, but can't figure out what to do in those situations.
Any & all advice is greatly appreciated!
What has been your experience with this? Has anyone adopted children exposed to drug use, especially serious drug use? I'm praying for God's guidance, but can't figure out what to do in those situations.
Any & all advice is greatly appreciated!
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