A Blog Slacker ... but with good reason!

I'm officially a slacker when it comes to blogging.  Oops!

I meant to blog on Saturday, but I spent most of the day working on the photo book for our Adoption.  We are about 95% done with it.  All we have left (besides the daunting "Dear Birthmother" letters) is the "What DH says about me" and "What I say about DH" pages.  I'm not sure if we need to include those, but I've seen adoptive parents do this and if I were the birthmom, I would want to know.  After my hubby cooked me supper (score!), I vegged out for a few hours in front of the TV (my reward for working on the book) and then crashed.  I really enjoyed this last weekend, as it was the only weekend in quite a while that I've been home to enjoy it!  I have to work every 3rd weekend and we go to see our parents/siblings once a month (sometimes two if necessary), so it doesn't leave lots of free time.  And as a result ..... I take advantage of being a slacker on the weekends I have nothing to do.  :)  My hubby says that I deserve it ... and I believe him!  haha

I meant to blog on Sunday when I was catching up on things (emails, bills, budget and laundry ... oh my!), but I didn't make it.  I did talk to my parents and managed to decipher a plan for the exciting trips that are coming up this weekend.  These trips include a K-State football game (with the in-laws) and a wedding in Colorado (with the family).  For the football game, we're taking my DH, me, my little brother, my brother-in-law B, my pregnant BIL & SIL and my in-laws.  How's that for a mix?

As for the Colorado wedding, my cousin is getting married.  It will be interesting.  Without being to gossipy, it won't be in a church or have a specific religious affiliation.  Those are always the interesting ones.  I am not looking forward to the drive out there.  I loathe car trips ever since we drove home from Chicago once.  Twelve hours in a car.  Never again!  The only good part about that (kinda) was that the hubby drove there himself (for work) and I flew out there.  I would SO rather fly than drive.  Even though it means waiting in an airport for a short flight.  :-)

I meant to blog last night, but my brother-in-law, B, was over.  He is in the National Guard who is having training for a month in our city.  How ironic ... of all the places, its where WE live!  I'm so glad he is able to be somewhere where he knows someone.  He's been over at our house two evenings last week and last night as well.  B did go home over the weekend to see his wife, my sister.  Its nice to have him over, but its also nice to do your own thing, too.

Prayer buddy, I need to ask you a favor.  Its been floating around in my head all week .... can you pray for me on Saturday?  I'll be at the K-State game.  Don't pray for the Wildcats to win (Really!  I'm a Husker at heart), but please pray that I can be at peace and not be jealous/envious of my pregnant sister-in-law.  Its been awhile since we've seen them (since the shocking announcement) and I'm sure she's showing and I'm sure my mother-in-law (who's also coming) wants to baby-talk alot.  I'm really dreading this weekend.

Adoption Visit #1

I know its been awhile since my last post.  Its too bad I can't write them in my head and then they'll magically appear on the screen.  That would be cool!

In the last 10 days, we've been rather busy ... housecleaning!  We had our first home visit with Sue, our adoption caseworker, on Monday the 15th.  I wasn't sure what all she was going to look at, so we cleaned the whole house ... toilets, the office, the basement ... you name it. Unfortunately, when she came for the home visit, our hard work wasn't fully recognized, as she glanced in from the hallway at the bedrooms (if only I would have known!  ahhh!).  She'll never know about our mad-dash dusting to get the stray cat hair off the dark bedroom end tables.  Or how well I cleaned up our gross-really-needed-to-be-cleaned-a-month-ago Master Bathroom.  Oh well.   It's nice to have a totally clean house for awhile.

We sat in the Living Room and answered questions, some of which Sue had asked us before on our initial appointment.  There were a few head-scratcher questions that were really ambiguous, but for the most part, we didn't have to think too much ... we just responded.  My favorite was the "how many animals do you have?" question.  When I said that we had 4 cats ... all she said was "oh my!"  We did have the youngest (and friendliest) cat, Biker, come out to sniff around her feet during her visit.  I hoped he wouldn't get up on the counter or lay on the table like he usually does ... and he didn't!  Biker was well-behaved.  Thank you, God!

I did ask Sue if she thought our selection chances by the birthparents were slimmer since I will have to go back to work after the adoption.  She thought it wasn't an issue, which made me relax a little bit ... but I'm still nervous about that.  I know there are many women able to stay at home, but unfortunately, I'm not going to be one of them.  It pulls at my heart that I can't be at home, but I know alot of kids that go to daycare/babysitters have turned out just fine.  That is my hope, anyway.

We are in-progress with our picture book, which I am making on MixB.ook, an online website.  It is actually really cool (you should check it out) ... they have templates available that you can select from, but you can also add shapes/designs/colors onto your pages (as well as text).  I will be working on that this weekend and hopefully get that done.  Then ... its the daunting Dear Birthmother letters.  I'm saving the hardest for last.

Happy 5th Anniversary & LUFS

We celebrated our 5th Wedding Anniversary on Friday, August 5th.  I can't believe its been FIVE YEARS already!  Where does the time go?  In putting our adoption photo book together last night, we were looking at our honeymoon pictures in Hawaii.  Back then, we were just happy-go-lucky people who hadn't the slightest idea of what life would throw our way.   

Josh & I celebrated with a dinner out at Applebees.  He gave me flowers, chocolate and the cutest card (with cats on it, of course) with a handwritten note inside ... the perfect gifts!  Josh is the most wonderful, thoughful, perfect man that I am SO very blessed to be married to.  I think about how impatient I was to get married or I would be an old maid (I was only 24 when I met him and 25 when we married).  But I do see how it truly was planned by God.  Josh will be a wonderful father someday.

Last year at this time, I was having a Laparoscopy on our 4th Anniversary at PPVI.  It was quite the celebration, let me tell you, especially with the bowel prep the night before!  ("Happy Anniversary, honey, now give me an enema!")

Ironically, a nurse from PPVI called me the day before our anniversary this year and said that with both this cycle and the cycle before, I had a Lutenized Unruptured Follicle (LUF) ... which means I didn't ovulate.  Great.  I wonder how long THAT has been happening.  I've been on Femara the last few months, so I'm not sure if that's a reason for the LUF.  Argh!!!  Just one more kink.  

When I had my ultrasound series at PPVI a year ago, they did say that I did ovulate.  I wonder if that was a freak cycle or if these last ones were.  I am taking IM Progesterone (100 mg) on P+4,7,10 to "shrink" the follicle (hoping that works, but I doubt it).  I have an ultrasound on Day 3 of my next cycle to check out what's going on inside.

Are there questions I should be asking my doctor?  Are there medicines I should bring up?  I know Dr. Keefe at PPVI knows what she's talking about, but it feels like my wheels are spinning sometimes and I'm not getting anywhere.  

Jealousy & a Lightbulb Moment

I just heard from our adoption case worker, Sue, that she is back from her vacation and is working on getting our file opened and filled out!  Hooray!!!  Before she left, she sent out reference request letters and commented yesterday that she was surprised to have them all back.  Of course!  My references know how important this is to me (and ... you gave them a two week timeframe).

In my adoration hour this morning (think 2 am!), I poured my heart out to Jesus to have mercy on me in this infertility journey.  I spent most of the hour in tears.  I'm just upset, discouraged, jealous ... all nasty, mean feelings.  My BIL & SIL (the ones who just announced their pregnancy) have been posting wonderful vacation photos on FB.  The first thing I do is look to see if she's "showing."  Of course, she is ... a little bit.  I don't know why I can't keep the jealousy feelings at bay.  This last week has been rough.  I don't know why I'm so fixated on this.  I am a big enough person to say "it is wrong to feel jealous," but then I feel that way anyway.  Ugh.  I hope I'm not the only one that has problems with subduing negative emotions this way.  I lifted this up to God last night and asked for His help to stay positive about that situation and be truly happy.  Its hard.

One thing that clicked a few months ago when I was praying before mass is that perhaps I "invited" my suffering on myself.  Let me (try to) explain.  My dad has always been for sick as long as I can remember.  It was either not-feeling-good-stay-in-bed kind of sick or it was I-really-don't-feel-good-lets-go-to-the-hospital kind of sink.  He's had several operations as well.  Our lives revolved around his sickness.  My dad pushed himself hard regardless of being sick to be a good provider, but I know he never felt good.  One time when I was in college, when he was in the hospital, we almost lost him.  It was horrible.  I remember asking God then if I could take on some of my dad's pain to help him feel better.  I would do it.  I love my dad to death.  He is my hero.  Eventually, my dad recovered, life happened and I forgot about my request.

Then came the "Lightbulb Moment" in church.  Is this infertility I'm experiencing in a way "helping" to relieve my dad's suffering?  When I think of it like that, I can push through this.  I can "do" infertility.  My dad pushes through each day, so why can't I?

I do have to tell you that my dad has been doing really well these last 6-8 years.  He found a doctor at the Mayo.Clinic in Minnesota  who has been wonderful in treatment.  He hasn't been in the hospital or very sick in about that long (although he still has his bad-stay-in-bed kind of days).

I guess I do need to say that I know my prayer to God didn't "cause" me to be infertile, but I do wonder sometimes if my infertility struggle has anything to do with my dad's health and my request to God so long ago.  Because for my dad, I would give up having a baby the "natural" way so he could feel better every day.

Novena to Saints Joachim & Anne

I'm borrowing from PolkaDot's posting of the Novena prayer to Saints Joachim & Anne.  Their feast day is tomorrow, July 26th, and I will be praying this novena starting tomorrow for their intercession to all of us facing Infertility.

Novena to Saints Joachim & Anne:
Good parents of the Blessed Virgin Mary,   grandparents of our Savior, Jesus Christ,
When life seems barren,  
   help us to trust in God’s mercy.
When we are confused,  
   help us to find the way to God.
When we are lost in the desert, 
   lead us to those whom God has called us to love.
When our marriage seems lifeless,
   show us the eternal youth of the Lord.
When we are selfish, 
   teach us to cling only to that which lasts.
When we are afraid,
   help us to trust in God.
When we are ashamed,
   remind us that we are God’s children.
When we sin,
   lead us to do God’s will.
You who know God’s will for husband and wife,
   help us to live chastely. 
You who know God’s will for the family,
   keep all families close to you.
You who suffered without children,
   intercede for all infertile couples.
You who trusted in God’s will,
   help us to respect God’s gift of fertility.
You who gave birth to the Blessed Mother,
   inspire couples to be co-creators with God.
You who taught the Mother of God,
   teach us to nurture children in holy instruction.
You whose hearts trusted in God,
   hear our prayers for . . . (mention your requests here)
Pray with us for the ministry of Catholic family life.
Pray with us for the ministry of Natural Family Planning.
Pray with us for all who give their time, talent and treasure to this good work.
 
Hail Mary. . . Our Father. . . Glory Be to the Father. . .
 
God of our fathers, you gave Saints Anne and Joachim the privilege of being the parents of Mary, the mother of your incarnate Son.  May their prayers help us to attain the salvation you have promised to your people. We ask this through Christ our Lord.  Amen.


Information about Saints Joachim & Anne:
     Novenas to saints Joachim and Ann, as the parents of the Virgin Mary and the grandparents of Jesus Christ, are known for their intense power. Having suffered almost every trial a couple on earth may experience, they are approachable for the solving of any family crisis.
     Shamed by infertility, they were married for twenty years before they had their only child. They faced their daughter’s unexpected pregnancy and her near-desertion by her fiancé with great faith and tolerance. After Saint Joachim died, Saint Ann, in the throes of widowhood, watched as her beloved grandson became a prisoner and was crucified. Saints Joachim and Ann offer the loving acceptance and wisdom of grandparents, and one should never be ashamed to turn to them for any reason.
     Very little factual information is available about the parents of the Virgin Mary. Saint Ann is said to have been twenty years old when she married the forty-nine-year-old Joachim. Comfortable financially, they lived in Nazareth and were faithful followers of the Jewish religion. Each year they divided their income into thirds, offering the first part to the temple for the worship of God, distributing the second to the poor, and keeping the third to maintain their moderate lifestyle. Their great misfortune was their barrenness. At the time, this was considered a divine punishment, and it led ultimately to Joachim’s offering being refused at the temple. Their community began to snub them, considering them inferior. Both Ann and Joachim made a vow to the Lord that if they did have a child, they would consecrate it to his service.
     After twenty years of marriage and no children, and once again humiliated when his offering to the temple was rejected, Joachim, too ashamed to return home, went to live among his shepherds. There, an angel came to him, ordered him to return to his wife, and told him that she was pregnant, saying, “Delayed conceptions and infertile childbearing are all the more wonderful! Your wife will bear you a daughter and you will call her Mary. As you have vowed, she will be consecrated to the Lord from infancy and filled with the Holy Spirit from her mother’s womb.”  Simultaneously, Saint Ann had been given the same news. She gave birth to the Virgin Mary at the age of forty. Saint Joachim was sixty-nine.
     Devoted to God, they raised Mary accordingly. True to their promise, they sent her to live in the temple to serve God when she was three years old. This was an extremely difficult act of faith on their part, surrendering the one thing they cherished most to God. So it was that Mary never lived among common people. She was given extraordinary parents and a sheltered, religious life in the service of God.
     Saint Ann is the better known of the two saints and her cult goes back to the beginning of the church. She is the patroness of housewives and women in labor. Because she kept her home in perfect order, she is the patron of cabinetmakers. In Brittany, Saint Ann has an exalted place. There were many sightings of her there in the 1600s. She is also the patroness of Canada.
     Saint Ann is the patron Saint of: Housewives, Pregnancy, Family Crisis, Cabinetmakers, Brittany and Canada. She is invoked against: Infertility.  Together, Saints Ann and Joachim are the Patron Saints of Parents and Grandparents.  Their Feast Day is July 26.


(Source:  http://novena.com/2009/07/21/509/)

Cycle Review Update

I had a good cycle review with PPVI.  They are now doing chart reviews via email, which I think will be a good thing, but I didn't get any information on my Progesterone & Estradiol levels last month.  I feel bad bugging them again with all the people they have to help, so I guess I'll just do that this next month.  It is nice that you can just scan your chart instead of reading all the info off to them, as well as typing out your list of meds vs. confirming them over the phone.  I do think I will appreciate that.  I just hate the fact that it takes so long to get an answer back .... usually I'm trying to rush a pharmacy for a prescription so I can take it on Day 3 and PPVI called it in at the last minute.  I would eventually like to donate to their organization so they can add office staff and doctors to help the flow of info to patients, but I'm giving them a pretty penny as it is.  Yikes!

I did find out that I ovulated last month on the left ovary, but I have a small cyst on my right ovary (where DO they come from?).  Plus, they increased the Fe.mara to 40 mg. vs. 25 mg.  I hope that doesn't make my cyst grow huge or anything.  Lately, I've had really bad acne on my face & I didn't know if that's a side effect of the Fe.mara ... or just simply the combo of all the drugs I'm taking.  Either that, or the fact that its 105 outside this week and next week (and was last week too).  Has anyone else had acne that started up b/c of this?  I thought I'd recently found a good combo of products to use for my face & makeup, as my acne has been the clearest its been since puberty (ha!), but now, my face is a mess of bumps again.  Bummer.

Hope you all stay cool!  It looks like no one can avoid this HEAT WAVE!

Finally Getting Started

Thank you for all your kind comments on my last post.  I am feeling better about the whole situation, but I just needed to have a pity party for awhile, I guess.  I'm just a person who doesn't love surprises, especially about babies!  One of the more prominent, recurrent thoughts I've had is ... what if I end up pregnant or adopting in the next nine months?  If I were in my SIL's shoes, how would it feel to have someone so unhappy about my pregnancy, only to be so happy about her own good fortune months later?  That thought has kept me from getting too jealous.

Before the whole "announcement", that previous week, we'd scheduled an appointment with a social worker in a local (very small, but Catholic) agency.  We ended up completing the initial paperwork and spending time talking with her about our family history for about 1-1/2 hours.  She was going to wait until the first of August to get us started with our referencs and all the FBI/fingerprint stuff (she is taking a 2 week vacation at the end of July), but she called in today to let us know that she is getting started yet this week!  Yay!   Our (my) goal is to get our doctor visits done, our birthmother letters done and our profile book done by the time we meet with her next, in the first part of August.  I haven't started.  I need to get in gear, as I end up being a perfectionist and cramming things until the last minute.  I'd just like to not do that so much here.

Today is P+15.  I'm sure AF is around the corner.  Since this is my second month on F.emara, I seem to have alot of LUF's or a cyst from what the ultrasonographer said at my P+4 ultrasound.  I'm a little nervous about that.  More things to fix!  I thought I was eliminating problems, not creating them.  Ack!

Heartbreak

It's been quite the emotional last few days for me. Aside from the physical stress of my 16 year old little brother being down for the week and managing to "help" remodel by basically tearing our basement apart ... and an evil customer at work ... I get to complete my week with a surprise announcement.
We head back to Josh's parents house (which is on the way to drop my brother back off at my parents, as he's 16 and it's a 3 hour drive for a newbie driver) and we stop off at Josh's parents house. We meet his brother there and chat for a bit. Nothing special. Then out of the blue, Josh's brother says "We're expecting." And silence. I squeak out the words "a baby?" and he nods and grins. My stomach drops. My heart breaks. I didn't even know they were trying. He's a teacher, she has 1 year to go in pharmacy school, they're only 25 and have been married for 3 years. "We were thinking about trying in another year" is what Josh's mom fills in. Now that's just great.
Everyone looks at me, waiting for me to say something. I try and smile and say "Congratulations" and hope the conversation changes course. Oh no, it's Josh's mom's first grandchild. "We just know you'll have one soon," his mom says. And she tears up, and I just can't take it anymore, so I tear up too (but for different reasons), holding back the gut wrenching sobs I want to make. And so I apologize for raining on their parade, for what's a jealous infertile to say? What I really think? No. That wouldn't be good.
More baby talk. Josh's brother and sister-in-law are due on Feb 14, and we are filled in on all the details. Why the hell do I have to listen to this? Josh's mom has posted this on Facebook and is proudly announcing her new status to all. Today, she announced it in church that she's a grandma (Thank God I wasn't there). Tonight we went to a potluck fundraiser in their small town with several people who went to church that morning. They all say "Congratulations". Its hard to hear. We end up sitting at the table right across from the new parents and all night, people stop by and give their best wishes. And we are sitting right across the table. It was tough. I was asked, "Aren't you excited to be an aunt?" Fake smile and nod. That should be us. Why hasn't God blessed US with a child after almost 5 years of marriage? We ourselves have prayed, solicited others for prayers in last years Christmas cards and have had other people we dont even know pray for us. Nothing! Why do we still wait, when some people don't even really try and they get pregnant?
I couldn't get past this latest news. It has consumed my thoughts for the last two days. Last night, I had an ugly cry ... in in my old bedroom at my parents house ... If I could have seen the future back then, would I have thought this would be my life? Today, I'm a little more accepting of the new situation. I know it's going to be harder once she starts showing, especially with all the holidays coming up (and a very excited first-time Grandma), and then of course, after the baby is born. I don't hold anything against the new parents, they will be great and I do love them both, it's just that my human side wins out right now. I'm angry and I'm mad. I'm jealous. I'll admit that. I wish it were that easy for me. It's hard to swallow the "someday" phrases offered by other people when you are taking a billion pills, temps / pulses and shots on specific days and getting wanded up your nether parts several times a month. It's just really hard to be happy when your own life is so different and you know there is nothing you can do. It's all out of your control.
Well, I think I'm done moaning for tonight. This is a much shorter and less profane than it would have been last night, so be thankful for the small things. And just so you all know, I'm offering up my heartache and suffering for all of you in the trenches with me. For what I've been through so far, and what I will endure over the next 24 hours ... because we are all spending the night together at Josh's parents house, and there is a new grandma who likes to drop the "B" bomb at every passing opportunity. I will try and make the most of this and be happy for a new life. However, I will be sending an email out to all potential future parents that are my relatives on how to announce that you are pregnant, because I don't want this to ever happen to me again!

Cycle Review and a Kitty Question

I found that my levels this cycle review were good. (Thank you, God, I identified the correct peak day!)  My progesterone was 17.2 (anything above a 13 is good).  My estradiol was 14.8 (anything above a 12 is good).  Most of my drugs stay the same ... hooray!  No new order/days/doses to memorize!!!

I am still on Fe.mara (25 mg) on day 3 only and had an ultrasound yesterday to check the size of my follicles.  For those of you that can understand what things are on that ultrasound screen ... you are a genius!!!  I cannot figure out what is what and the techs don't typically commit to any big revelations either.  Oh well, as long as Dr. K knows what's going on, that's the main thing.  The really nice thing I noticed this cycle was more white baby stickers on my chart!!!!!  Now, don't get too excited, they're not all 10's (mostly 6's & 8's), but I did have FIVE white baby stickers as compared to last month's lonely one sticker.  I hope that the Femara is kicking my crazy body into gear.

Also, this cycle, since I still have TEBB, I am on a new antibiotic.  The nurse said the name, but I have no clue how to spell it until I read it on the bottle.  Its a 21 day antibiotic for Josh & I to take instead of the Zithromycin on days 1-10. Good thing I got the pill organizer for my birthday!  :-)  I gave Josh my tiny old organizers, so I'll have to make sure he gets those pills in there too.  I'm always amazed I can usually remember what medications to take, but without laying things out once a week and putting them into the organizers, I'd be lost!

On another note, I have a question for those of you doing/have done a homestudy.  Is there a maximum number of animals that are mentioned?  My worry is that I have four cute, cuddly cats ... but the social worker will tell me that I have to get rid of a few of them.  It would break my heart.  So, in lieu of going crazy about that in front of her, I thought I'd get some answers and compose myself before she tells me one way or another.  Any advice would be great.  

Busy, Busy, Busy ....

Its been a crazy, busy last few weeks.  I can't even remember most of what I did, its been such a whirlwind!

On June 4, we went to my husband's hometown for their 140th Anniversary Celebration.  Watching a town of "maybe" 300 people multiply to a few thousand overnight is certainly exciting stuff!  I had lots of fun exploring the old buildings, watching the parade & seeing where my husband went to school, as we were able to tour the now-closed school.  Josh was so proud showing me everything.  He was class valedictorian, so I had fun making him get on stage again to get a picture.

We also celebrated my 30th Birthday that same weekend, although I officially turned 30 on June 9th.  I was able to get a bunch of "granny gifts" since I'm "so old" now.  My sister thought all of the gifts up herself.  I was pretty surprised that she went as in-depth as she did.  I got a cane, denture cleaner, Ben Gay, granny panties, depends & a pill organizer.  I was PSYCHED about the pill organizer, as I was having to shove my mountain of daily meds into some tiny compartments in the organizers I have now.  You can see just how excited I am to receive all my neat gifts!  I'm saving them for her payback when she turns 30 in a few years .....

This past weekend, we went to my husbands 10 year reunion.  He had a class of only 13 kids.  It was fun seeing everyone he went to school with and how they'd changed from "back in the day."  The only thing that didn't work out so well was the fact that I was never "officially introduced" so I had to eavesdrop to learn their names.  I will definitely say that I have quite the catch with my husband.  Three of his classmates are on their second marriage or are divorced ... and its only been TEN years!  Amazing.

In fertility related news, there isn't too much to report.  This was my first month taking Femara (only on Day 3), but I do think it made a difference in my mucus.  I had more white baby stamps this month than I ever did before (if you don't count those early times where I didn't know what I was doing)!  I didn't have alot of 10's, but I did have alot of 6's & 8's, which I'll count as an accomplishment regardless.

With the Femara, I did have to have an ultrasound of P+4 so they could measure the follicles.  Thankfully it was the day before my birthday, not on my birthday (as that would make turning 30 so much more memorable).  I've still been taking B-6, Ammoxicillan & Mucinex, so hoping this new combo works.

We still haven't done any paperwork for our adoption agency yet.  Its been sitting on our coffee table these last two weeks.  We did tell our families that we are starting the adoption process and they were very supportive and interested in how things work.  Of course, my mother-in-law said, "Since you're adopting, now you'll get pregnant," quite a few times.  (sigh)  I tried to tell her that it wasn't always the case, but she kept repeating it (multiple times, both weekends).  Finally, I was polite and just agreed.  She is has one mindset and I'm not going to change it (I've learned that from cataloging her responses on other topics).

I guess to get motivated, I need to take some vacation time from work so I can clean my house and get ready for the homestudy.  I feel like I have to get all these little projects out of the way before we should even get started (its not a really rational thought).  For example, we still need to put outlet covers on switches from when we painted 4 years ago (yeah, we're really lazy!), but then we also should get some different furniture for our DVD & components to sit on, rather than an old sewing machine table so that there isn't a pile of hazardous cords below that would need to be remedied anyway.  Sometimes I feel like I should have nicer (safer) furniture, but its hard trying to rationalize doing so AND saving money for the adoption.  I guess I'll be doing some auction hunting & yard-sale-ing over the summer.

I'm hoping to have good news to report about my hormone levels this next cycle review.  Last month I didn't get my Peak day correct, so my hormones were really low.  Here's to the next month ahead!

Memorial Day Weekend

Hoping everyone had a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!!!  On Sunday, we got together with my mom's side of the family for most of the day.  It was a good time to see everyone again and catch up.  This is the second year we've done this.  It was a long day.  We had a 3.5 hour trip to get there in the morning and one to head home again that night.  Lets just say that on Monday ... we slept in really late!  The Sunday with my family made me realize just how fast a year has gone.  I remember really clearly when we saw everyone last year.  All the babies last year are now toddlers and everyone's growing up way to fast! 

My parents were the only family there without grandkids (they are the only family on BOTH sides of the family without grandkids).  I don't know if it bugs my parents like it does me, but it bugs me (darn that jealousy) that my other family members are able to get pregnant (so easily).  My aunt & uncle, for example, have two sons in their early twenties.  One of their sons has three boys already and their other son just welcomed a daughter four months ago (both my cousins had kids at a young age out of wedlock).  This same aunt and uncle also "accidentally" got pregnant with twins.  If you've lost count, thats six little kids under the age of six.  My other cousin has three little boys and is pregnant with her fourth.  She's 34.  In her struggle to get pregnant this last time, she had two miscarriages within the last year.  She's been able to get pregnant with only "a few months of trying."  I don't wish her ill at all (I've prayed that she would be able to get pregnant & carry the baby to term), its just hard to watch them enjoy something you'd like to enjoy too. 

The hubby and I had a long talk in the car on the way home.  We want to be parents more than we want to get pregnant.  I have been calling around getting information these last few weeks from different adoption agencies and attorneys and we have narrowed it down to one option ... and a plan.  We are going to keep on with the medicines at PPVI, but we're going to start the adoption process.  A local agency has some reasonable fees and we can complete our homestudy with them.  There's no guarantee of a baby with PPVI and there's no guarantee of a baby through adoption.  If anything happens with us babywise and God blesses us, that's great, but I'm tired of "waiting" for something to happen.  My dad, who is very religious, is praying for us ... and keeps telling us to pray, but God doesn't always answer prayers in the way (or timeframe) that you want sometimes.

At the end of September, it will be one year since my laparotomy.  I don't know if adoption is what God wants me to be thinking (or if these are the appropriate thoughts in which to begin the adoption process), but I'm just going to jump.  In praying at church a few weeks ago, I realized that God isn't going to "take it easy" on me.  He knows I can handle the tough stuff, so maybe I AM supposed to pursue adoption.  It isn't an easy road, but I've read many blogs where it is so fulfilling and rewarding and people can't remember what their lives were like without their children.  I want that.  And because I want that, I'm going to start down a new path.

Muddin' Escapades

Well, friends, it was a crazy Friday, which turned into an unmotivated weekend.  For work (I design Kitchens), I have to go into people's homes and measure their existing spaces before beginning to design something new.  My Friday measure didn't go as planned ...

I live in a smaller town of about 50,000 and there are several clients who live outside of town in the country.  I had a measure that morning for a job that was just outside of town.  Well, it had rained that morning and a bridge was out, so I tried to find another route to go a little out of my way and get back to the same road I was on.  In my attempt to re-route, one of the roads I turned onto was a mud road, not one with gravel.  Oops!  By the time I could slow down, I couldn't go backward or forward without the wheels spinning.  I was stranded!  Argh!!!

I called into work and two of the guys came out in a pickup to pull me out.  Well, they couldn't make it down the road without going into the ditch!!!  The first attempt was to slide off into the right ditch.  With a lot of rocking forward & back, they were able to get back to the gravel.  The second attempt wasn't much better and they slid onto the left side of the ditch.  They pulled back onto the gravel and I decided to leave them there and I would roll up my jeans, take off my shoes and walk out to the gravel road and just leave my vehicle locked and sitting there on the side of the road. 

The nice guys that they were, they were bound and determined to come out and meet me part way so I wouldn't have to walk so far.  Well, lets just say they should have stayed back on the road.  :)  After I got in the truck, we tried to backing up to the gravel road, but we slid off into the left ditch again and couldn't get out!!!  The pickup was slanted into the ditch, which was full of water.  Mud was flying, wheels were spinning, the engine was smoking and the poor guy driving was trying all sorts of maneuvers.  We were contemplating calling into the store to send ANOTHER person out to get the three of us! 

However, a few prayers to Mary and St. Rita of Cascia and we gave it one last go.  And we made it!  When we got back to the store, everyone was amazed at how muddy the pickup was.  It was quite the morning! 

P.S.  The REAL color of the truck is blue ... which you can see (barely) near the front bumper. 

That afternoon, I received a home-made sign that showed a picture of a truck driving through a swampy marshland / river and the tagline said "Look out!  Amanda's Measuring Again!"  Oh, the joys of making a fool of yourself at work!  Lets just say that I had a few drinks that night!