Sunday, April 19, 2015

Making Ugly Beautiful (Part II)

It is the "REVEAL" episode for my front entry (aka "The Foyer").  Let me show you how I took this room from Ugly to Beautiful as we look over the past two years of photos.


The true BEFORE picture is below - we had first moved into the house.  Note the original drapery, window trim and flooring in this picture.  
When we were looking at the house, I loved the charm of the front entry way and how it showcased the stair case and beautiful post detail at the bottom of it.  I loved the color of the staircase, but wasn't crazy about the woodwork on the window trim and door casings in the Foyer, or the rest of the house, as when I took the curtain off of the window, someone had craftily covered up the terrible trim work on the window.  On one side of the window, two pieces of trim were butt together, leaving a seam that wasn't puttied or matched up at all.  Just a big, ugly joint.  I hated the dusty, ugly curtain that was there, so I lived with the big cracked joint in the trim.  The trim was around an old window that was cracked and let in (and out) a lot of air.  We didn't dare open it, as there were holes where critters could crawl in and that gave the the heebie jeebies. 

The trim work in the foyer for the baseboards were the big, tall, original moldings to the house (which we estimate around the 1920's with some of the doors upstairs).  They look pretty nice, until I was scrubbing the floor and looked closer and discovered that they had painted the baseboards to look like stained trim!  Additionally, the door trim on the foyer side of the wide opening (you can't see) they had switched out (like the window) to a standard smaller trim (not matching the size and profile of the rest of the trim in the house.  So you have all this beautiful trim work, except for around the window (where they cobbled stuff together) and around the wide opening into the living room.  I'm so not sure why they did that!  

The flooring in the picture is pine and sort of a reddish color at that.  While it was ok, it needed a good sanding and restaining, as it was very worn in spots.  When we had a flooring guy come to our house, he said that we really couldn't sand and restain it, as it was not thick enough to do that to.  Plus, we had decided to get new flooring for the Kitchen, and in that part of the house, we didn't have this same flooring underneath it, so we decided to match the Foyer and the Kitchen flooring to make things more cohesive.  It kills my little brother that we covered up the original floor, but in my mind, it is "protected."  :)  

Also, as you can see, we have a vintage hanging light circa Montgomery Wards 1970's edition.  It is a beautiful 2 bulb brass light with layers and layers of dust and grime and really didn't put out much light at all.  My dad worked at Wards back in the day, and he remembered the exact item number of this light, which he says was a big hit in its day.  I'm sure it was in its day, but I sure don't agree with its beauty now.  

Below is a picture after we had painted the ceiling and the living room, repurposed an old bookshelf into a TV stand and I had added some decor to make it more "home-y".  Note the original window, flooring and original woodwork in the living room.  



Below is a shot of all the stained wood trim in the house ... it was all different colors and I thought made the house feel "old," if that makes any sense.  The colors of the woodwork in the living room were different from the stairs, which were different from the foyer baseboards, etc, etc.  They kind of hodge-podged this house together, I think.  



Below is a picture before I began painting the trim in the entry.  Note that we have by now replaced the window itself and the window trim (it is crazy-amazing what you can actually *see* through clear, new glass and not a dirty old window with terrible glass!).  I had a remodeler guy do both for me - for the trim, he just used some 2x4's and I had him round the edges to match the profile of the rest of the trim work.  I was going to paint the wood anyway, so it didn't matter that the wood matched anything else.  He also replaced the trim work on the foyer side of the large opening into the living room.  


Below is a picture from the front door angle, of what you can see as you stand in the entry.  Note the replaced 2x4 trim on the foyer side into the living room.  MUCH better!!


Here is a picture looking up the stairs with the old light.  You can't see the marks on the wall or the general grossness of "builder white" painted walls with years of gunk and fingerprints and marks on them.  As I was painting, I kept being so thankful to be covering up the grossness with new, clean paint - and COLOR!  



Below is a view of the front door and a little snippet of the window.  



Below is a picture of one of my brothers old antique dressers in the entry.  I liked it well enough, but it was hard to decorate around and with, and it gave the house more of a period feel, which didn't match the rest of my furniture.  




Here is one more last shot before the big reveal ... remember the ugly when you see ...


********  DRUMROLL ********


********  DRUMROLL ********


********  DRUMROLL ********


Here are the AFTER photos!!!


Above is a shot of the foyer with the trim painted, the stairs painted, new flooring, new blinds and pictures hung.  I may put a valance above the window, as I think the window and to the left of the window look a little bare, but will wait until I find something that fits.  You may notice a new TV stand, paint & decor in the right edge of the photo - the Living Room has changed as well, but that will be another post.    :-D



I took the pictures at night (they turned out better than in the day), but the color is more of the blue to the center and right in the photo, not the greenish blue like between the window and corner where the wreath is.  The paint is a pretty blue by Sherwin Williams, called "Silvermist" (SW 7621).  The trim color is also by Sherwin Williams, called "Roman Column".  It is not a bright white, but more of a creamy white.  I painted the ceiling and the trim the same color.

Let me tell you about painting stairs and bannisters.  Do not think about how long it will actually take you to tape everything off, how much tape you'll use, how long it will take to paint it and about how many coats of paint you will have to do and how much you'll have to look for paint drips down the bannister rails.  Do not think of any of those things.  Just do it.  I was SO glad when I was done with the stair case!!  

To get started, I first gave all the trim a light sanding with a sanding pad and then I wiped it clean with a tack cloth.  I needed to get the old finish off and rough up the surface to accept the new coat of paint.  In homes earlier than 1978, you should wear a mask, tape off all areas to be affected by the sand dust, etc and then wipe everything down with wet wipes and bag things in hazardous material bags.  I know the rules but I didn't do any of those (may regret it later).  If we were actually ripping into the walls (like in the Kitchen), we would have done that, but I did not do that for this.  I wore a mask for the light sanding I did do, vacuumed the dust up that did accumulate and prepped to tape.

I think I used a roll of the blue painters tape to tape off what I did - and I didn't tape off everything!  It took about 2 hours to tape everything off on the stairs themselves and from the baseboard molding down to the carpeting / vinyl flooring below.  After taping things off, I painted all the trim first before I rolled the walls.  That way I didn't need to worry about taping around all the openings too.  If trim paint got on the walls, so be it - I was going to paint the wall color over it next.  (I'd painted first and then taped off for the trim in the living room, and it was *SO* much more work to do that, plus, the blue painters tape didn't stop the paint from bleeding under it in spots, and it pulled off the wall paint in other places - so I had to go back with a fine small paintbrush and paint back wall color on.  Not fun!  Lesson learned - paint trim first, then wall color second)  It took 3 coats of trim paint before the the old woodwork was covered.  I could have done 4 coats, but I just touched up the really bad areas and called it good.  By that time, I was tired of painting and wanted to get to the "fun" blue color that I'd waited so long to get to!!



A shot of the corner between the door and the opening to the living room.  Note how the trim work matches now in size.  I also painted the door in Sherwin Williams' "Peppercorn" color.  It coordinates with the curtains in the living room (and I used it upstairs in Luke's room to paint his furniture). 




A shot of the newly painted door and window.




A shot of the wall of photos and the little bench seating area.   In the last house we lived at, we had a long hallway, so I put up a cluster of photos in the hallway.  Here we don't have a lot of wall space that isn't windows or door openings, so I wanted to make the stairs a focal point.  The color of the stair post, bannister, picture frames & crucifix are all about the same color, so that ties it all together and repeats.  I did not plan for the bench seat to match - but it fit well there, covers the old vent with all the super old cobwebs inside (think haunted house cobwebs, but for real!) and the pillows popped the colors in this space as well.  



Here is a shot from the living room / tv area towards the front door.   I didn't realize how drastic the white painted base shoe looks in the pictures against the post - maybe I shouldn't have painted it - but oh well.  By that time, I was tired of taping the bannister and didn't want to mess with the headache of thinking about that (poor excuse, I know).  



A shot in from the front door.  Welcome!  



Here is a close up shot of the cute little bench setup right inside.  We can sit and read with Luke (if Luke will sit still), but mostly it is a "look cute, but functional" place to sit down and put shoes on, throw coats, etc when guests come over. 



Here is a close up shot of the decor above.  I found the blue "Live Simply ..." sign and the greenery ball at Gordmans (don't forget to use a 20% off coupon!), had the picture frame from before, bought the shelf at Menards, found the tall "In this home ..." sign at Gordmans (or Hobby Lobby - I can't quite remember which - they are both my favorite stores!) and the crucifix is from my childhood.  




Above is a view up the stairs.  It adds so much character with photos hanging in the stairway.  I may eventually fill the wall going up where the stairs turn and go up, but for right now, this works for me.  
One thing to note here above the crucifix, is that the stained board that was above it, I painted the wall color, not the trim color.  While I'd painted the board the cream trim color initially, I felt like the cream made the decor wall less wide - and by painting the board the wall color, it visually expanded that decor wall.





Above is a view from the stair landing up to the second floor.  The left doorway goes into the playroom, which goes into Luke's room.  The right door goes into a bedroom (note the fancy "accordion door".  This house was definitely stylin'.  That will get fixed someday.)  Picture the trim up here painted a dark brown - it looked like poop (honest!) and I don't think whoever painted it cared what it looked like.  It was the most hideous of all the trim work in the house.  



Above is a picture taken from the second floor, looking down onto the stair landing.  



Above is a picture looking down, taken from the stair landing.  We upgraded the light to a beautiful fixture we found at Menards.  See below for a close-up shot.   The light doesn't hang down so far and obscure the view of the pictures.  It also is larger in scale and fits the room, as well has an additional light bulb in it (3 instead of 2).  Plus - it has fancy crystals hanging from the bottom of it, making it a fancy-but-fun light for the entry way - and the price was right, too.  




Here is one last picture with Luke in it, loving his new colorful entry way and stairs!
(I'm sure he loves it, but he was really "helping" me take pictures.  :-D)


Posts coming soon related to DIY are the Upstairs Playroom + Luke's Room before & after, as well as converting our old Junk Room/Office + Guest Bedroom into our current Master Bedroom.  








Monday, April 13, 2015

Luke is Three! (pic post)

This post has been about 2 weeks in coming, but my little Luke is now THREE!!  
I went back into "Yee-Ol-Blog-Archives" for memories of his birth day and found myself remembering the joy and anticipation surrounding his birth.  And also the uncertainty of Luke being forever ours.  It is so much easier to be looking back and knowing what happened rather than living in those moments - but I would do it all again in a heartbeat.  :-D


Here are some pictures my sister took of Luke for his "I'm THREE" photo shoot:

This one looks like he's posing, but he did not sit still for one split second.  The magic of the camera button captures all his movements.  :-)

One of my absolute favorites!!


Another one of my very favorites ~ he loves Thomas the Train (can you tell?)!


Laughing and giggling during the shoot!


***  

We had a Thomas the Train themed birthday party for Luke on Saturday, the day before Easter.  We had both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins all over to the house.  We hosted a meal, gift opening and a trip to the Children's Museum.  Then the cousins came back over to the house for an Easter Egg hunt.  It was a busy, nap-less day!  

Cupcake cakes are the biggest hit!


There was one candle left!!
In the background are (left to right) DH's dad, my mom, DH's mom and my dad.  
In the foreground are (left to right) Luke, cousin J (2 months older than Luke) and J's dad (DH's little brother).


Singing Happy Birthday and blowing out the candles - Luke can't wait for more fire!


Smiley, happy Birthday Boy!


We picked out "Thomas-Themed" colors and bought a helium tank at Walmart to fill up balloons.  We tied some to lamps/chairs/etc, but left 10 or so with long strings so they could float to the ceiling and the kids could pull them down and play with them.  It was a big hit!


Everyone got to have a balloon!



Luke got a train whistle for his birthday.  DH is showing Luke and cousin J how to blow it correctly.  Toot toot!!
(left to right - DH's mom, DH's oldest brother, DH and my mom)


Loving all the tissue paper with the gifts!  With two boys, they did a really good job of taking turns to open gifts.  With J's birthday a few months ago, Luke was all "happy helper" about opening gifts, so J returned the favor.  


Weeee!  Tissue paper over the head!


Showing Grandpa their balloons!
(Left to right is my mom, Luke, J, DH's dad and DH)


At the Children's Museum, all the cousins had a blast together!  It was a solid 2.5 hours of running, fun and excitement!  (left to right is J, Luke and J's little brother JJ)



It is such a blessing to have Luke in our lives and be able to parent and love on him daily!  While I am sad that he's three (which means he's growing up - sniff, sniff) but so happy that he is thriving and with us.  I am so grateful to be his mommy ~ he lights up my days!!

Stay tuned for "After" reveals on the Foyer, Master Bedroom, Playroom and Luke's room.  Yes - I was crazy enough to get them all painted and decorated before the Birthday party.   :)


Sunday, March 22, 2015

Making Ugly Beautiful (Part 1) (pic post)

Well, I didn't mean to just disappear off the blog - this has been totally unintentional. It has been busy at our house. We have been working on house projects for the last few weekends and this weekend we have been traveling back to Kansas to see family and friends.   I wish I had better time management. :) 

As Luke's third (!) birthday approaches, I've gotten bit with the whole "the house needs to look presentable" bug. So I've gotten the "urge" to paint, redecorate and purge rooms and stuff. 

I began with the entry foyer. It looked like this when I started. 




Here it is mid-painting ...



I started by painting the trim white (three long and lovely coats of paint - I HATE stair railing - drips are the devil!) and then two coats of color. It is a nice beautiful blue. Kind of like the color that was in our old house. You can see where I started painting and then thought, hey - I'd better take a picture. :-D 

I need to put some "after" painting pictures in another post. I haven't taken any yet (totally should have!) and as we are flying down the highway I'm kicking myself for not doing so. :)

I do still need to decorate and hang pictures. That shouldn't be too bad - I'll have to post once I get that done. 

The next place we painted was Luke's room (or rooms). As we live in a turn-of-the-century house, the rooms upstairs are small and weirdly configured. So there is are two rooms you go through before you get to Luke's room where he sleeps. There is a small "hallway" that we converted into a reading nook that is pretty cozy and comfy with lots of books and a recliner. And we need to get his twin bed set up (and painted) in the other room. 

Here are some (terrible) before/during pictures (it's a small room):
(Above - this is the "hallway" where we made the reading nook)

(Below- this is the left side of Luke's room. DH is standing by the doorway into the room)

(Above - this is the right side of Luke's room. I'm standing inside the doorway.  You can see where we started painting green in the alcove.)

We also painted our new Master Bedroom and hung some lights by the bed. I need to get my headboard made still and hang it. That may be awhile. I still have a goal of getting the middle walk-through room painted and turned into a playroom before Luke's birthday. It will help give the kids somewhere to play for the day. 

I love the orange and blue in this photo!

I also love the cream and blue together. 

Although Luke's not a girl, I may try to work in some fuschia - it pops so pretty! 

Well - my phone's almost dead - and I want to get this posted while I can. I hope to check back soon and catch up with you all. Prayer buddy - I'm praying for you!!










Thursday, February 19, 2015

The Decision

I got a phone call at work on Wednesday afternoon from the lady at Lutheran Family Services (LFS).  She said the words I was afraid to hear.  "There were so many wonderful couples, but unfortunately, we cannot extend you an invitation to our adoption program at this time."  We were invited to reapply in August of this year when they would be looking for couples again if they had spots open.

In a way, I expected it.  I was anxious about why it was already Tuesday and we hadn't been called; DH was telling me that they were probably making decisions.  When it became Wednesday, DH said that they hadn't met yet ... or maybe they met and they were calling the couples who were invited first.  I asked him why it wouldn't be the other way around, and he said that they would want to call those whom they wanted first in case they changed their mind.  Then they could extend the option to someone who wouldn't have made the cut.  It made sense.  I think I knew then.

DH and I had prayed that if it was God's will that we would work with LFS, then it was His will and we would be ok either way.  I'd prayed that during many Holy Hours.  We had others pray.   Although I "expected" that we probably wouldn't make the cut (we had a 1 in 3 chance), it was still deflating to get the actual "No, you didn't make it" speech.  It still stung.  My heart hurt a little bit and I didn't know why.

I took yesterday evening to process their decision.  I fell asleep at 8:30 pm on the couch.  I was too exhausted to even get ready for bed and walk 10 steps into the bedroom.  I couldn't articulate it, but I think it was a little bit of loss and hopelessness of what could have been.  I didn't feel like doing anything but sleeping.

Today I drove to a customer's house to measure.  The drive was "only" 3 hours round trip, so I had a lot of windshield time.  (Don't get me started on how *so* not worth it it was to drive to that person's house - ugh!  Anyway ...)  I was listening to the radio and thinking and trying to process where we were going to go from here (do we continue to try domestic infant adoption or should we look into foster to adopt ... where is my sign, Lord?).  I am a person who likes to have a plan.

In my head (and heart), I was upset at all the time "wasted", as we had waited since November (and prior) to have the chance to interview in February ... all to not get in to the agency.  I hate wasting time and not being able to have that back or have made progress during that time.  I was frustrated that I hadn't contacted multiple agencies to see about also interviewing for their programs at the same time.  I wanted progress.  I felt like we had put all our eggs into one basket and then our hopes were dashed and now we had to start over from square one.

I realized ... this is (similar to) how I felt when we were TTC in those 3 + years before Luke.  The up and down cycle.  The hope at the beginning of the cycle.  The let down at the end when there was no second line on the HPT.

In the almost three years since we have been Luke's parents, I haven't worried about pregnancy tests or getting pregnant or even hoping each month that some miracle would happen.  Nope.  None.  I'm realistic that way, I guess.   If it wouldn't happen with an arsenal of medicine and surgeries, it won't happen without it.

But the *hope* of getting signed up with this adoption agency and the "no" that followed is just like getting a "not pregnant" on a pregnancy test.  Your heart sinks.  Your hope evaporates.

All so you can try again "next time".

And we will.  Where there's a will, there's a way.  You can count on that.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Adoption Interview

For posterity (and those curious), I thought I'd share how our adoption interview went today.

We met with Erin and Tracy from Lutheran Family Services today for our interview, which lasted about 30-40 minutes.  It was a nice, friendly, easy-going conversation between the four of us.  I usually get nervous in interviews, but I guess since we've been through the adoption process once already, we kind of knew what to expect and aside from initial nerves, we were ourselves ... meaning, I talked a lot and DH talked a little.  :-D

They asked general questions about adoption and parenting ... "Would you parent an adopted child differently than a biological child?" ... "Why are you starting the adoption process?" ... "Do you like risk?" ... "How do you cope with change?" ... "What does having an open adoption mean to you?" ... "How open to racial diversity are you?" ... "How open to special needs situations are you?" ... "How does your family (parents/siblings/grandparents) feel about adoption?" ... "Do you have any felonies/records you'd like us to know about" ... etc.

Then they asked a question about, "How have you dealt with grief and loss in your life?"  In clarifying, we had to make a statement sharing how we have dealt with grief and loss in any manner, so I shared with them our infertility story and how my friends online and in the online FB Catholic Infertility/Adoption groups are so supportive ... and then I cried ...  I was so not meaning to cry.  But I shared how without infertility and adoption, I would not be Luke's mom and how I was *so* grateful to be his mom.  DH got "moist eyes".  And then I apologized for crying.  UGH - I hate to cry in front of strangers.

After I cried, kept thinking in my head that I blew it and that they wouldn't want to give the opportunity to someone who hasn't fully grieved her infertility, but DH says I am overthinking it all and that I gave a good, heartfelt answer.  He thinks we "nailed it" and had a good interview.  I, however, am always the pessimist (aka "realist") and think that there has got to be someone better and more qualified / more perfect than us for them to select.

As they got done with their questions, they asked if we had any questions, so I asked them how many spots they were interviewing for.  They have 6 spots open (19 other couples are already waiting to be matched; they complete 6 - 9 adoptions per year).  We are one of 16 couples they are interviewing this week and then they will meet with Renee in the Omaha office to make their final selections.  They are going to call us back next week to let us know if we are or aren't selected into their program (they plan to call us either way).  If we are selected, there are 4 days of training + the home study to be done in the next few months.  They are on the ball ~ it sounds like the process would move quicker than Luke's adoption paperwork process.

At this point, DH and I have done all we can do.  We prayed together in the car before the interview that God's will be done.  I've prayed in adoration and during daily prayer.  Friends and family have prayed for us.  He has a plan for us and the outcome of the decision from this agency will determine that.  We will be patient and trust in His plans for us and growing our family.

~ Thank you for praying for us and our interview today  ~  


Monday, February 9, 2015

Adoption + Potty Training

It has been a busy last few weeks ~

---

We spent a weekend in Wichita celebrating my nephew's third birthday.  It was spent with my in-laws and we had a fun weekend.  We drove back in a snowstorm with little to no visibility, so it took a bit longer than we anticipated.

I thought several times during the weekend that I wouldn't have been able to spend the weekend with my BIL and SIL and my two nephews (1 and 3 years old), if I didn't have Luke as my son.  It would have been too hard.  My heart would have been too hard and my tongue and thoughts too bitter.  I hugged Luke tighter that weekend and was so grateful to God for Luke in my life.

(Squeezing his "cheeks" when he was asked if he would like "Mac and Cheese" (aka Mac and Cheeks))

---

We got a phone call last week from Lutheran Family Services (who has offices across Nebraska) about setting up a date and time for an interview so that we can make it *hopefully* past the first round of adoption interviews in setting up new couples in their agency.  They have a max of about 25 couples for the whole state that they like to keep in their available profiles to show expectant mothers.

We would be interviewing to fill an "opening" in a niche in their program ... they would like to give expectant mothers opportunities to make choices between couples who live in ... a metro area, rural areas, no children, have children, etc, so that their choice of potential adoptive parent is met.  We had submitted our initial adoption fee right after Thanksgiving 2014 and have been waiting for a phone call in February to schedule our interview.

Please pray for us that if God wills it, we will pursue this route to become parents.  If this is something we aren't accepted for, we will likely contact either Nebraska Children's Home or begin the process to become foster parents.

---

In the last few weeks, we've started to try and potty train Luke.  He is going to be three on April 2nd and we figure it is now or never.  I can't keep buying him diapers until he is an adult.  :-)  But that sure would be the easiest way.  :-)  So far, he has went potty once.  No "poo". We gave him M&M's and heaps of excited praise.  He enjoys playing on the iPhone or watching the iPad while waiting to go #1 or #2.  We put him on the potty after dinner (for sure) and then in the morning and one other time during the day.  Typically, when he is known to potty or poo.

I know boys are harder to train than girls ~ that they start later and are interested later ~ are there any tips or tricks that have worked for you that you'd like to share? 

(Enjoying his *new* potty chair. Gotta use it in the living room, fully clothed, of course!!)

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We got a membership to the local museum.  It is old and has not been updated in nearly 20 years (gosh, how OLD am I?  I clearly remember the exhibits being old when I was about 10.)  But Luke loves it!  The taxidermied animals don't look near as authentic now that I see them with "fresh" eyes ~ but Luke loves them anyway.  He loves looking at the "be-ars" and "fox-s" and "ah-di-gadors" and "tor-tles" and all the "moose" that are on display.  And the Kool-Aid display too ~ he loves that. 

(Pointing out all the "toot-toots" in the museum)

We took him to the Planetarium at the Museum this last Saturday and thought it was going to be a total bust and that we'd have to sneak out during the 30 minute show.  Luke would just *not* stop talking.  But once the show started, he sat back in my arms and watched in "almost" silence, the whole show.  It didn't hurt that it had a few cartoon characters and was about "stars".

Luke loves to "read" words ... during the Planetarium show, when they rolled the name of the show, "STARS" across the screen, you could hear his little voice "Essss, Teeee, Ahhhh, RRRRR ..." and then it trailed off as the show was on to the next slide.  We are so grateful for Luke talking SO much more than he ever has.  He is a little chatterbox now and we can understand about 50%.  :-)

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If you are interested in Lenten Prayer Buddies (yay!!), please go to What if God Says No and email your info to her email address ... last call is 2/15.

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Weight update ... I'm at 251 lbs (instead of 259) ... so I've lost 8 lbs.  So far, it is mostly diet modification and watching my calories and less about exercise and weight training.  Baby steps.  :)  It is huge to me to not over eat daily.




Sunday, January 25, 2015

Weighty Thoughts

Disclaimer:  I know weight and the size you are is a sensitive topic.  If you happen to be overweight, this post is not about you!  It is only about me.  This post is literally the thoughts in my head.  I need to capture them today so that I can go back and remind myself why I'm doing this and hopefully in the future, just how far I've come.  


Fat.

I swore to not be a fat person.  My mom was/is overweight and I didn't want to be like her.

I thought I was fat when I was younger ... about 16.  Ha!  Not even!

I thought I was fat when I was in college.  I'd love to be that "fat" again.

I thought I was fat before and after we adopted Luke.  Nope.  I got fatter.

Why?

Wine.  Food.  No willpower.  No exercise.  No good eating habits.

I ate and drank to escape.  I still do.  But it has to stop.

I am 259 lbs.  I am 6'1".  I am 33 years old.  When I had my kidney stones and went into the hospital, I was defined as "obese" on their paperwork.  Mind blowing.  I wasn't supposed to be obese.  And that was 15 pounds ago.  In the last three months, I've gained 15 pounds.  At my wedding (age 25), I was 180 pounds.

I've got to get a handle on things.

After Luke goes to bed is when I have some wine.  Then some snacks.  Then more wine.  It is "my" time, between the hours of 9 pm and 12 am.  Sometimes I stay up until 1 am.  I watch TV shows.  I drink.  I eat.  I escape.  I don't have to be the problem solver at work.  I don't have to be wife or mom.  I let food and drink make me feel good and the TV to escape into another world.

In confession yesterday, when I confessed that I drink frequently, Father listened.  He actually gave me counsel regarding my drinking (all the other priests have skipped over that part - it has been a frequently confessed sin).  I wanted counsel.  I have never said that I wanted counsel. But in my heart, I want it and needed to have someone actually hear my problems and pain and talk to me about it.

Father said I was medicating with alcohol.  

But medicating what?

I have a good life.  We make sufficient money for all of our needs (and some of our wants).  I have a good job.  DH has a good job.  We have a wonderful son.  We have a beautiful home.  We are living close to family.  We have good friends.  We are in a good church.  I visit Jesus each week in Adoration.

What IS my problem???

The only downside that I can think of in my life right now is weight and sometimes, the stress of my job.  (Yes ... I have a LOT to be thankful for.)

I've determined that I need to "grow" more willpower.

I need to give up wine.  It is not helping me at all.  Last night was my last drink.  

I need to give up snacking late at night.  I need to give up unhealthy snacks.  I need to limit myself on the quantity of food that I consume.  I don't need to eat in front of the TV.  I am re-starting My Fitness Pal to track calories.

I need to exercise.  I need to sleep.  I am determined to get up in the mornings and exercise.  If I don't do it at the beginning of my day, I won't do it.  The beginning of my day is full of plans and promises.  I need to *keep* my promise to exercise.  Something physical.  I never learned how to make exercise part of my routine.  My parents never exercised.  We had PE in school, but after grade school, I didn't do much for sports.  DH doesn't exercise.  I have been lazy and obviously put other things ahead of my health.

I need to get my body healthy.  My husband and my son deserve a healthy, happy wife/mom.  I don't want to have 80 extra pounds on me, making it hard to run, climb stairs and do physical things.  I had a hard time mowing my lawn last year.  I would be out of breath and had to take a break in between mowing the front yard and going to the back.  I laid on my living room floor with the fan on me for 30 minutes, trying to catch my breath.  I have a hard time carrying Luke up the stairs in our house.  His added 35 pounds to my already overweight frame make me out of breath when I get to the top.

When Luke was 2 and we had his birthday party, I saw pictures of myself then and thought, "wow, I'm fat."  And I vowed to change.  Now Luke is going to be 3 in a few months and I have done nothing to change.  Nothing.

I have to change for me.  *I* deserve to be happy.
And I'm determined to grow some willpower.
Thanks for listening.




Monday, January 19, 2015

DIY Cat Litter Box

I've had such a time in the past with trying to find the right litterbox that my cats can't pee through ...  one of my boy cats kept peeing through the crack between the top of a 2-piece litterbox and the bottom of the box (apparently he aims quite high).  Yuck!!  Cat pee is THE worst!!

I came upon a link somewhere on the internet about making your own litterbox.  In doing so, then I can make it as big as I want (I have a pretty good size girl cat and a large boy cat, so the large size litter box + create-your-own-opening is a plus).   And my boy cat can't spray out the top of the box, although he comes close.  


First you start with the tote of your choice (purchased at your favorite local store):



Here's the size I used:



Then, you trace the opening you want and drill some holes in the corners so you can get your Skil Saw blade in:



Close up of drilling through:  (I used the biggest drill bit in the set and drilled two holes close together.)



Power Tools!!  This is the saw I used to cut the hole.  I cut on / near the black lines.  Setting on the saw = 6 (fast blade).  The plastic did not splinter (like I was worried about).



Ta da!  The hole is cut!  (Obviously I'm not anal about how straight the cuts are.)



The edges were rough, so I took a sanding pad and sanded them down on the front and back.  Here's a close up shot of the finished, sanded edges:



A shot of the finished bathroom/litter box room:



I have 4 cats and 3 large litter boxes.  I had 2, but had been meaning to add the 3rd for awhile.  The nice thing about this is that it is a Basement Bathroom, so we really don't use it much ~ it is pretty much the Cat's Bathroom.  With the litter boxes, we scoop every 2 days.  DH and I alternate.  This extra litterbox will be SO much nicer for the cats!!




In unrelated news ...

You may have seen this tidbit in the news this week ~ the book "The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven" is not fact, but fiction.  I read the book about 4-5 months ago and although it was tough to imagine that Alex Malarkey surviving and enduring what he did, I was comforted by the images of Heaven that he shared.  Like others, I want to know more about how awesome Heaven is.  It makes it seem more real to me, not just a "far off" place ... rather, a place where I can imagine my relatives and friends enjoying and being able to be in the presence of God.  Wow!!  How awesome that would be!

I didn't have the slightest inclination it could be false ~ it was similar to what was in the book "Heaven is for Real".  The tidbits in the news were about how Alex made things up and how his dad / book publishers ran with the story and created the book and promoted it.  I guess Alex's mom has a blog and was saying back in April 2014 how Alex said the whole things was false.  Regardless of how disappointed I am that this whole things was fabricated, I still believe in Heaven ~ I just wish for Alex's sake, his story was real.

Part of me feels like this still is a true account, though ... What are your thoughts on the subject?









Sunday, January 11, 2015

Reading + 33 Words

Today, I caught Luke doing something that totally floored me and made me so happy and proud.  He was "reading" the cover of one of his books to himself ("My Book of Numbers").  He would use his pointer finger and start at the beginning with M, then say "mmmm", then move to the Y and say "iiiiii", then the B and say "beeeeeeee" and so on.  He did that for the whole title!  Then he turned the page and read the word "Contents" the same way.  Oh, how I wish I had that recorded!!

Luke has really loved learning all the A,B,C's and also has a love of animals.  His therapists have worked with him really well on harnessing his love for both during his therapy sessions.  We also read to him before nap time and bed time (I read all the titles to him in a similar way he is "reading", by running my finger below the words as I say them ~ so he figures out why I'm saying what I'm saying).

I am so happy and proud ~ Luke has been doing really great in the last few weeks in talking more, using more words and phrases, and even learning a new sign for "again" and repeating it, asking to read/do something "again."  I don't know exactly why things have been clicking, but I have a few ideas.  I asked Jesus at my Holy Hour to please help Luke learn to talk more and He is answering my prayers.  I also specifically asked Miss Courtney from Passionate Perseverance for her intercession in helping Luke talk.  My prayers began specifically in the first part of December in Holy Hour, where I finally "realized" that I have something to pray about.  Usually I am the one praying for another's intention, but for some reason the lightbulb went on and I realized I could "pray for myself and my family" too.  It was more like a (((facepalm))) moment.

Almost a year ago now, I'd posted about how Luke had his initial speech analysis appointment on April 3rd, 2014 (one day after he turned 2), as he wasn't saying anything that even resembled a word (other than "ticka-ticka-ticka") and stringing enough syllables together to form a sentence or a conversation.  If he wanted something, he either grunted/whined, screamed or pointed his arm in that general direction and DH and I would have to figure out just what he wanted.  We were (and still are) pretty good at reading his non-verbal cues, but when others would post about all the cute things their kids were saying and they were about the same age, I knew in the back of my mind that something was up.

Fast forward to almost 9 months later, Luke goes to see Emily on Tuesdays and Thursdays for 30 minutes each, he sees Jill & Colleen once a month for an hour, and he participates in a Toddler Group with 3 other little boys his age once a month for an hour (all have similar developmental problems).  DH and I also have been working with Luke at home in repeating words, more animated gestures, and the like, all while encouraging Luke to look at our mouths as we say and form words ... so he will get the idea.  Now Luke is really good at observing and mimicking what others are doing - especially his favorite TV shows and movies.  He has learned several new words that way.

We stopped at the local Children's Museum in town and had some fun together on Saturday.  This video shows how much he is saying and interacting now ... some of his words are still jibber jabber, but he has the "bear" and the "hop, hop, hop" down, as well as his version of the sign for "all done".  It is such a blessing that his communication is improving!  It means much less stress for everyone involved.

http://youtu.be/IdEnaCjfv7k


33 Words Luke is Saying as of Today:  (more for a mom-record, than anything):
- door (doaaah) (thanks to "Bo on the Go" for that!)
- key (kiii) (another thanks to "Bo")
- red (-ed)
- green (gee)
- blue (boo)
- pink (piik)
- up (up)
- down (dow)
- more (mooooooar)
- two (tooo)
- one (won)
- toot toot (what he calls all trains)
- cow (mooooo)
- alligator (a-di-gogadagogadagogada-tohr)
- horse (neigh)
- bear (beaaah)
- pig (piiii)
- tiger (tiiigahhh)
- O the Owl (from Daniel Tiger) - a loud yell of "OH!"
- poo (pooo)
- hi - (hi ma!    hi da!   hi kiiiii (hi kitty) ... he will wave to us when he says it!)
- bye - (bye ma!   bye da!   bye kiiii (bye kitty ... he will wave bye as well)
- no - (no ma!   no da!)
- Here you are (heeee 'ya ahhhh)
- go (go)
- moon (mooon)
- star (staahhh)
- car (caaaahh)
- mad (maaahh)
- want (wahhh) (he has said "wahhh  i-Pahhh" for "want iPad" several times now)
- oh no!  (oh no!)
- oh man!  (oh mahh)
- tape (pete) (he says it backwards I think ... we read it in the book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" and the mouse asks for Scotch Tape.  Luke then started saying "pete" instead of tape.  :-)




Sunday, January 4, 2015

A Special Anniversary

It has been a pretty low-key day.  Church this morning, then lunch, taking down the Christmas decorations, a nap for Luke (which means blogging time for me!), but then I fell asleep for an hour in Luke's room.  Oh well ~ best laid plans ...  :-)

The kitties are being lazy with me. 

It has been a good start to the new year so far ~ I have had off work since Wednesday.  It is going to be hard to go back after a 2 day weekend, let alone 5 days.  But I've enjoyed my time off.  I needed it.  DH and I started to hang curtains in our living room, and we got as far as one window before his back hurt pretty bad, so I finished the remainder of installing the rods and curtains (girl power!).  I love the curtains!!  They add more personality to the house and gives a more finished look than just the blinds themselves (plus they were on Sale!).  This "new look" is a drastic change from the ugly that was the living room when we bought the house.  Couldn't do anything BUT make it look better.  Haha!!

DH and I celebrated our 10 year dating Anniversary on December 31, 2014.  We met 10 years ago on New Years Eve 2004 after mutual friends of ours (who were dating at the time) set us up together.  We were the "single" people they each knew, and my friend Suzanne knew that DH met my "height" requirement (gotta be as tall / taller than me (I'm 6'1")), so they planned to go out with us on a double date to Grisanti's Italian Restaurant.  

By that point in my dating life (I was 23), I'd had several awkward dates.  There was one creepy guy who told me, "I like your hairy arms" (say what??!!??  yes - he truly did say that!  Who compliments a girl on her arm hair?!), there was another where we didn't have anything really to talk about (thanks, Yahoo Personals - you did a great job on compatibility there) and there was one guy I met who seemed like he was trouble in every sense of the word, so that ended rather quickly.  I wasn't the person who dated just so I wasn't single.  I was pretty choosy about who I liked and often they either didn't like me back or were unattainable (thinking of you, Josh-Hartnett-in-Pearl-Harbor!!).  

For that reason, I didn't want to really meet this "new guy" and took my time in getting to my friends apartment to meet DH.  I remember walking in and he was sitting on the couch and I saw that he had a beard.  I didn't know if I could like a guy with a beard.  That made him seem old.  (Ironically, DH is 1.5 years younger than me.)  Other than noticing his beard, I can't really recall what his face looked like at that moment.  I know he wore a dark blue sweater and jeans and had a "leather" coat (I thought "wow, this guy's rich! LOL!!).  We made small talk and then we all got in my car to drive into town to the restaurant.  Everything was going fine on the drive to the restaurant ~ I was open to the possibility of getting to know DH better ~ so at the restaurant, I was talking to him and asking him questions.  DH never directly answered my questions.  He only answered my questions while looking at my friend, Suzanne, or his friend, Blake.  Not to me.  At all.  

This was pretty weird, and I was getting frustrated towards the end of the meal (not showing it of course), but I wondered what I had done for him to ignore me.  Did I have something in my teeth?  Was there a big zit on my face somewhere?  Did I look goofy when I smiled?  Bad breath?  Was I annoying?

I figured he just didn't like me that way (no one had so far, so it was no big surprise, just a disappointment).  I remember driving back to my friend's apartment with DH in the front seat and our friends in the back seat.  I was fiddling with the radio station and remember thinking that this was such a crappy date.  He didn't like me.  He didn't talk to me.  What was the point?  I wanted the night to be over.

We got back to Suzanne's apartment and hung out a bit more.  My sister came over and we all started playing games.  DH started looking at me when he was playing and actually ended up talking TO me and made some funny jokes.  I started to think, maybe he's not such a bad guy.  He's kind of cute ... :-)  As the night wore on, everyone went to bed, but DH and I turned a movie on (The Italian Job).  During the movie, I remember thinking that I didn't want the date to end.  DH seemed like a really nice guy and I wanted to get to know him better.  

Before DH and his friend drove back to Kansas the next day (January 1, 2005), we made plans to talk via Messenger.  So that's what we did for a few weeks.  Then it became phone calls.  Then a few months later, it became a $650 cell phone bill because I was over my phone minutes.  One of our record phone calls was 5 hours and 43 minutes (DH wrote it down.  I don't think he had ever talked to a "girl" that long.)  

By April / May 2005, I knew DH was "The One," so I began exploring job opportunities in Kansas.  One of us was driving each weekend to see the other (it was 4 hours one way).  I moved to Kansas in June 2005.  I "begged" DH to let me know when he was going to propose to me (I couldn't wait ~ I wanted the "rest of my life" to begin "right now").  DH proposed to me on October 30, 2005 and we were married on August 5, 2006.  

DH and I were reminiscing on our "10 Year Anniversary Date" this past Friday, and we were recounting our "First Date" story again, and I learned something new that I had never known before.  DH told me his thought from 10 years ago was that the restaurant part of our date (where he didn't talk to me) actually went really well!!! :-)  LOL!!!

DH posing with our yummy food! 

(Note the address ... 1010.  10 years for each of us!  We realized that later after DH's brother pointed it out to us.)






Friday, December 26, 2014

Rediscovering Myself

This feels kinda weird ... it has been August since my last post.  =)

I have wanted to pop in to let you know what has been happening in the meantime, but honestly, I've been in a funk this past year and that is part of the reason for the lack of blogging, as well as the lack of reading blogs.

So today, I got the urge to update the 'ol blog a little ... new colors and a design that feels like "me" right now.  And also updating my blog title too.  That feels like more "me" too.  Before, I have felt that the title "All in His Perfect Timing" was just about my infertility journey and anytime I blogged about Luke or other "mom stuff", I was doing a dis-service to those still waiting.

Guilt.  That was another reason I realized today about why I've kind of checked out this last year.  Guilt that I am a mom and I still pray for my friends still waiting.  Guilt that I left my old job and my friend (and co-worker) almost two years ago pretty suddenly.  I'm a sensitive person who cares too much about what others think of me and that holds me back in some ways, I guess.

I've been going to Holy Hour Adoration weekly since Thanksgiving (in God's providence, I "coincidentally" have the same day and time that I did when I went in Kansas ~ it is meant to be).  I am reading the book "Rediscover Catholicism" by Matthew Kelly.  The last paragraph of the current chapter I'm in says the following, "If you want your future to be different from your past, there is only one way:  Change your habits.  Our lives change when our habits change."  



I've had some pretty bad habits during the last few years and I want to change that.  The human side of me (the side of least resistance and the "self-destructive" side) has won out.  I've been neglectful of many things that I want to change.  Blogging is just one of them.  I'd like to engage more and I miss reading about your lives and having the opportunity to pray for you.

Wishing you a Blessed "Best-Version-of Yourself" New Year!!