The re-training process of Luke's Bedtime has begun. Thanks, ladies, for all your GREAT Comments!!!
More updates as we go!
Monday, October 28, 2013
Night One ...
New sippy cups per recommendation of Joy Beyond the Cross ... water in the sippy cup ... and 1.75 hours of crying / whining later, we have sleepy-time.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Sippy Cups & Drinks at Bedtime
A while back on a post I read somewhere, there were recommendations for favorite sippy cups. We have bought a few from Wal.mart, but a certain someone pokes his fingers through the spout and makes the hole bigger so that it leaks when it's on its side. I know we need to switch to a different brand (soft spout or hard spout, either is fine with me). Suggestions??
Maybe at 18 months, I should be teaching him to drink from a cup only ... not sure what the appropriate age is, but I don't think he's at that place yet.
We also have trouble at bedtime with the cups / drinks. Luke gets milk at nap time / bedtime and we put it in the hard spout sippys / most-non-holey-soft spout sippy and he doesn't want to drink out of it. He prefers bottles. Which we have used when we have run out of sippy cups. Last night he was up between 1-3 am because he couldn't sleep / wanted a bottle, not a sippy.
Also ... what works for weaning him off of a drink in his crib at nap/bed time? I know he loves things in his mouth and sucking is soothing (no paci problems, as he didn't care much for those). We give him his drink and then he lays down and drinks and goes to sleep. I know the docs say that he shouldn't have anything as he will rot his teeth, but we haven't found a way to change without him being crazily upset. Suggestions? What has worked for you?
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Pumpkin Patch - 2013
We had a very fun day outside at the Pumpkin Patch today! We went this afternoon with a high of about 64 and a slight breeze, so it was a very nice day out. Luke didn't want to take his morning nap, so he crashed on the 15 minute drive out there. Then we sat in the van for 45 minutes so he would get a little sleep. Even though we did that, there were still many mini-meltdowns. But we did get some great pictures and memories out of the day, so it turned out great!
Riding on the Hayrack Ride out to the Pumpkin Field!
Luke's not sure about poking his head into this hole ... not one bit!
So ... we stuck him in the corn and he just stood ... and stood ... and stood. Luke didn't move a muscle for the longest time. Then, he went and tried to climb up the bottom of the slide. :)
I thought it would be cute to "measure" how tall he is. This is the best picture I have, as the others are him crying and trying to flop to the ground.
Mommy and her Squirmy Worm
They had some bouncy hills (not sure what to call them), but Luke and I went up and jumped and jumped for about 10-15 minutes. He laughed and laughed! He loves to bounce in his crib (he's been bouncing now for over an hour), but perhaps I should start bouncing, as I didn't feel so great a few minutes in. Getting old and motion sick, that's for sure!
Waiting for the rest of the crowd to come on the Hayrack Ride
Out in the field examining pumpkins. He kept going for the rotten ones!
Off and running through the pumpkins!
Dad tried to keep Luke on the road, but he kept veering off into the field.
Running everywhere! His little feet didn't stop!
A grin (kinda) from a very happy little boy ... who finally became quiet and is (hopefully) drifting off to sleep as I type this. It was a great day!
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Makeup Favorites
I recently started reading the blog of www.MaskCara.com (via FB and the web). She has some awesome makeup tips and tricks up her sleeve, as well as some great products to recommend, so I thought I'd share, as I appreciate others' recommendations on products to see how well they work.
1) Gel Eyeliner
I never thought much about Gel Eyeliner. I figured it was messy and was for professionals, so I never thought much about it. After reading this, I thought I'd give it a try (L'Oreal Infallible Gel Liner in "Blackest Black"). It works fabulous! It does take a little getting used to, but I've found it really magnifies my eyes and gets in "deeper" between my lashes so as to make my eyelashes and lined eye blend together as one. I'd previously used Maybelline Unstoppable Eyeliner, which I really liked, as it gave a nice smooth line, but the Gel Eyeliner has me sold!
2) White Eye Pencil
I'd always lined the top & bottom of my eyes with black eyeliner so as to make them appear larger, when it really made them appear smaller. MaskCara recommended using a White Eye Pencil at the bottom of the eye in the waterline (lined between the lash line and the eye itself - yes, it seems like you will poke your eyeball). I bought Covergirl "Flamed Out" Shadow Pencil. It works wonderfully to open my eyes and make things a bit brighter. I also have used some slightly dark shadow (maybe a medium brown) and applied it under my lash line, below the white pencil line and my lashes, and it draws the eye height that much further open.
3) Under Eye De-Puffer
MaskCara recommended this product and said it really reduced the swelling and bags under her eyes in the two months she used it. I can tell a difference for myself in just a few days. (It's either this or the concealer ... or both!) I don't look quite as tired and droopy and I haven't had people come up and tell me I look tired. Oy! Don't say that, people! I bought the Equate brand of Anti-Puffiness & Dark Circle Eye Roll-on (right beside the Garnier brand on the shelf). Love it!
4) Concealer
This is my most favorite product! I'd been using Sonya Kashuk concealer at Target for 6 months, then I moved away from Target, so I found Revlon Photoready Concealer at my favorite Wallyworld/local drugstore. I thought it worked just as nice as Sonya's product, but maybe a little cake-y. Wherever I "patched" things in (like under my eyes), it would cake up and after an 8 hour day, start fading in places and look blotchy. I figured that was that. Wrong! After reading MaskCara's recommendation for the concealer Maybelline DreamLumi, I thought I'd try that too. (picture angels singing) It is glo-rious! No cake-ness. Blends away beautifully and magically below my eyes. Covers my imperfections (when, oh when, will I stop getting acne?). I highly recommend it! I've learned to apply it under my eyes and feather it down over and below the bags/dark circles under my eyes. It really hides them!
1) Gel Eyeliner
I never thought much about Gel Eyeliner. I figured it was messy and was for professionals, so I never thought much about it. After reading this, I thought I'd give it a try (L'Oreal Infallible Gel Liner in "Blackest Black"). It works fabulous! It does take a little getting used to, but I've found it really magnifies my eyes and gets in "deeper" between my lashes so as to make my eyelashes and lined eye blend together as one. I'd previously used Maybelline Unstoppable Eyeliner, which I really liked, as it gave a nice smooth line, but the Gel Eyeliner has me sold!
2) White Eye Pencil
I'd always lined the top & bottom of my eyes with black eyeliner so as to make them appear larger, when it really made them appear smaller. MaskCara recommended using a White Eye Pencil at the bottom of the eye in the waterline (lined between the lash line and the eye itself - yes, it seems like you will poke your eyeball). I bought Covergirl "Flamed Out" Shadow Pencil. It works wonderfully to open my eyes and make things a bit brighter. I also have used some slightly dark shadow (maybe a medium brown) and applied it under my lash line, below the white pencil line and my lashes, and it draws the eye height that much further open.
3) Under Eye De-Puffer
MaskCara recommended this product and said it really reduced the swelling and bags under her eyes in the two months she used it. I can tell a difference for myself in just a few days. (It's either this or the concealer ... or both!) I don't look quite as tired and droopy and I haven't had people come up and tell me I look tired. Oy! Don't say that, people! I bought the Equate brand of Anti-Puffiness & Dark Circle Eye Roll-on (right beside the Garnier brand on the shelf). Love it!
4) Concealer
This is my most favorite product! I'd been using Sonya Kashuk concealer at Target for 6 months, then I moved away from Target, so I found Revlon Photoready Concealer at my favorite Wallyworld/local drugstore. I thought it worked just as nice as Sonya's product, but maybe a little cake-y. Wherever I "patched" things in (like under my eyes), it would cake up and after an 8 hour day, start fading in places and look blotchy. I figured that was that. Wrong! After reading MaskCara's recommendation for the concealer Maybelline DreamLumi, I thought I'd try that too. (picture angels singing) It is glo-rious! No cake-ness. Blends away beautifully and magically below my eyes. Covers my imperfections (when, oh when, will I stop getting acne?). I highly recommend it! I've learned to apply it under my eyes and feather it down over and below the bags/dark circles under my eyes. It really hides them!
Tell me ... what products are your favorites?
I'm always looking for more tips & tricks.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Catching Up
It has been a busy summer here! Lots of things to update about ... so here goes:
1) We closed on our House.
Monday, August 12th, we signed the contract for our house, squeaking in as the last appointment of the day at 4 pm, not sure if all the papers would be ready to sign or not. They were! We had 10 minutes to get to the Title Office and go over an inch thick stack of papers and sign our life away. Oh, and provide a downpayment too. The bank balance sure looked bigger with the money in it prior to closing.
2) We moved - Part I
We got a few family & friends to help us pack up and load up the big items on Saturday, August 17th. We moved our king size bed up a tiny, narrow flight of stairs with several turns to get to the top. Yeaaahhhhh ... should have bought a new bed and had someone else move it. It took a lot of effort from the three guys to get it up the stairs. It is in our bedroom, fits like a dream, and is staying there until we saw it in pieces and get a new bed!
3) We moved - Part II
We had until the end of August to get the remainder of our little stuff out of the rental house, so we moved the necessities and slooooowly moved the rest of the stuff. We were going to be charged rent until a new tenant was found (per our lease agreement, although we had given 2 months notice), so I'd been praying to St. Joseph to find someone. No such luck until the very last few days. We had a big push Thursday and Friday (Aug 29/30) to get the last items out we hadn't moved yet. (I swear, there was so much stuff this time compared to our move in March!) As we were down to the second to last van + trailer load, a couple came to look at the house with their daughter, not once, but twice. We took that as a good sign - and sure enough, it was rented out, so we didn't have to pay for the rental house and our current one. Very blessed with how that turned out!
4) We unpacked, decluttered and had a Garage Sale
DH and I spent quite a few days going through all the items we brought with us during this last move and decided that we didn't need it all. After spending the last 6 months with most of the stuff still packed, it made it that much easier to decide what to keep and what to toss. We went through our old childhood momentos (for the second time - the first was a few years ago) and made a tote / truck for each of us, then kept only what would fill that. So much stuff, I didn't remember what it went to ... or I'd saved it for a stupid reason. So into the garbage it went. We hauled two van loads + two trailer loads of stuff to my parent's house to have the garage sale (they have a prime location) and made about $300. It was a long few days, but it was worth it! I have so much peace of mind about less stuff, the things I have being organized and the extra money. :-D
5) A Kitchen Remodel
It seems like I can't buy a house without fixing up a Kitchen. I don't do it on purpose. Honest! There are just terrible Kitchen layouts/cabinets/countertops/etc. Why did men think they were all that when they did the design & layout? 'Cause this one certainly sucks! I can't open the refrigerator door all the way as it hits the peninsula countertop. One cabinet in the corner I can't even open the door. I think I have 3 base cabinets (two are totally inaccessible) and three wall cabinets. And a set of decorative posts on top of a half-wall between the Refrigerator & Stove. WTH? I just sigh and roll my eyes. We have Cabinets ordered and will have them in the middle of November. Hopefully we can gut and start putting things back before Christmas, but as all projects go when you do it yourself ... they take FOR-EVER!!! Updates to follow on that end of things
6) Luke has begun the terrible 2's at 1-1/2 years old
We didn't see this one coming out of our sweet and adorable and smiley little guy. Oh, no. Luke would never misbehave. WRONG! You definitely see us head out to the cry room at each Mass, hear Luke wail and see us furiously stuff Cheerios into his mouth to keep him from wailing. Two Sundays ago, he threw his bottle and sprayed milk all over the people standing behind us and our pew. This last Sunday, he couldn't look at his Mickey pop up book (yes, it is terrible that it isn't religious, but it keeps him entertained) as we were standing up for the Gospel ... or before the readings ... I honestly can't remember, I don't think I remember anything about the Mass, so he got mad, flapped up his arms to hit me in the face (his standard "I'm mad" tactic) and pulled my hair quite a few times. I had to carry him out, arms held together, as I did the "walk of shame" down 1/2 the church as the people seated watched me try and contain my screaming child. Oh, so many of you received prayers that day. I truly tried to be patient with him. He's got a mind of his own!
I think that's enough of an update for now. :-D It was quite a variety of topics. I wanted to post before I felt obligated to read up on how everyone has been. I catch snippets here and there, and cover all my blogger friends daily in prayer for all the intentions of your hearts.
1) We closed on our House.
Monday, August 12th, we signed the contract for our house, squeaking in as the last appointment of the day at 4 pm, not sure if all the papers would be ready to sign or not. They were! We had 10 minutes to get to the Title Office and go over an inch thick stack of papers and sign our life away. Oh, and provide a downpayment too. The bank balance sure looked bigger with the money in it prior to closing.
2) We moved - Part I
We got a few family & friends to help us pack up and load up the big items on Saturday, August 17th. We moved our king size bed up a tiny, narrow flight of stairs with several turns to get to the top. Yeaaahhhhh ... should have bought a new bed and had someone else move it. It took a lot of effort from the three guys to get it up the stairs. It is in our bedroom, fits like a dream, and is staying there until we saw it in pieces and get a new bed!
3) We moved - Part II
We had until the end of August to get the remainder of our little stuff out of the rental house, so we moved the necessities and slooooowly moved the rest of the stuff. We were going to be charged rent until a new tenant was found (per our lease agreement, although we had given 2 months notice), so I'd been praying to St. Joseph to find someone. No such luck until the very last few days. We had a big push Thursday and Friday (Aug 29/30) to get the last items out we hadn't moved yet. (I swear, there was so much stuff this time compared to our move in March!) As we were down to the second to last van + trailer load, a couple came to look at the house with their daughter, not once, but twice. We took that as a good sign - and sure enough, it was rented out, so we didn't have to pay for the rental house and our current one. Very blessed with how that turned out!
4) We unpacked, decluttered and had a Garage Sale
DH and I spent quite a few days going through all the items we brought with us during this last move and decided that we didn't need it all. After spending the last 6 months with most of the stuff still packed, it made it that much easier to decide what to keep and what to toss. We went through our old childhood momentos (for the second time - the first was a few years ago) and made a tote / truck for each of us, then kept only what would fill that. So much stuff, I didn't remember what it went to ... or I'd saved it for a stupid reason. So into the garbage it went. We hauled two van loads + two trailer loads of stuff to my parent's house to have the garage sale (they have a prime location) and made about $300. It was a long few days, but it was worth it! I have so much peace of mind about less stuff, the things I have being organized and the extra money. :-D
5) A Kitchen Remodel
It seems like I can't buy a house without fixing up a Kitchen. I don't do it on purpose. Honest! There are just terrible Kitchen layouts/cabinets/countertops/etc. Why did men think they were all that when they did the design & layout? 'Cause this one certainly sucks! I can't open the refrigerator door all the way as it hits the peninsula countertop. One cabinet in the corner I can't even open the door. I think I have 3 base cabinets (two are totally inaccessible) and three wall cabinets. And a set of decorative posts on top of a half-wall between the Refrigerator & Stove. WTH? I just sigh and roll my eyes. We have Cabinets ordered and will have them in the middle of November. Hopefully we can gut and start putting things back before Christmas, but as all projects go when you do it yourself ... they take FOR-EVER!!! Updates to follow on that end of things
6) Luke has begun the terrible 2's at 1-1/2 years old
We didn't see this one coming out of our sweet and adorable and smiley little guy. Oh, no. Luke would never misbehave. WRONG! You definitely see us head out to the cry room at each Mass, hear Luke wail and see us furiously stuff Cheerios into his mouth to keep him from wailing. Two Sundays ago, he threw his bottle and sprayed milk all over the people standing behind us and our pew. This last Sunday, he couldn't look at his Mickey pop up book (yes, it is terrible that it isn't religious, but it keeps him entertained) as we were standing up for the Gospel ... or before the readings ... I honestly can't remember, I don't think I remember anything about the Mass, so he got mad, flapped up his arms to hit me in the face (his standard "I'm mad" tactic) and pulled my hair quite a few times. I had to carry him out, arms held together, as I did the "walk of shame" down 1/2 the church as the people seated watched me try and contain my screaming child. Oh, so many of you received prayers that day. I truly tried to be patient with him. He's got a mind of his own!
I think that's enough of an update for now. :-D It was quite a variety of topics. I wanted to post before I felt obligated to read up on how everyone has been. I catch snippets here and there, and cover all my blogger friends daily in prayer for all the intentions of your hearts.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Relic Exposition - List of Saints
I attended the wonderful and holy Relic Exposition last night at our local church. We were one of only three stops in Nebraska. I am feeling VERY fortunate that we were able to attend!
Ladies, your intentions were brought before the following Saints and Relics:
- St. Anne (Mother of the Blessed Virgin Mary)
- Anthony of Padua
- The 11 Apostles (excluding Judas) plus St. Paul
- St. Bernadette
- St. Catherine of Siena
- St. Charles Lwanga
- The Crib of our Lord
- St. Elizabeth Ann Seton
- St. Francis Xavier Cabrini
- St. Gemma Galgani
- St. Gertrude the Great
- The Holy Crown of Thorns (fragment)
- The Holy Lance (fragment)
- St. John Vianney
- St. Josemaria Escriva
- St. Joseph (piece of his clothing - his body has never been found)
- St. Kateri Tekakwitha
- St. Leo the Great (Pope)
- St. Maria Goretti
- A portion of the Veil of Mary the Mother of God
- St. Maximillian Kolbe
- St. Monica
- St. Padre Pio
- St. Philomena
- St. Rita of Cascia
- St. Stanislaus Kostka
- St. Theresa of Avila
- Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta
- St. Therese of Lisieux (the Little Flower)
- St. Thomas Moore
- Fragments of the True Cross
There were over 164 relics presented for exposition. I know I missed a great deal of Saints, but the above were the highlights.
For more information on the relics that were presented and information about each of the above saints, you can download the information here: www.treasuresofthechurch.com/relics
Ladies, your intentions were brought before the following Saints and Relics:
- St. Anne (Mother of the Blessed Virgin Mary)
- Anthony of Padua
- The 11 Apostles (excluding Judas) plus St. Paul
- St. Bernadette
- St. Catherine of Siena
- St. Charles Lwanga
- The Crib of our Lord
- St. Elizabeth Ann Seton
- St. Francis Xavier Cabrini
- St. Gemma Galgani
- St. Gertrude the Great
- The Holy Crown of Thorns (fragment)
- The Holy Lance (fragment)
- St. John Vianney
- St. Josemaria Escriva
- St. Joseph (piece of his clothing - his body has never been found)
- St. Kateri Tekakwitha
- St. Leo the Great (Pope)
- St. Maria Goretti
- A portion of the Veil of Mary the Mother of God
- St. Maximillian Kolbe
- St. Monica
- St. Padre Pio
- St. Philomena
- St. Rita of Cascia
- St. Stanislaus Kostka
- St. Theresa of Avila
- Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta
- St. Therese of Lisieux (the Little Flower)
- St. Thomas Moore
- Fragments of the True Cross
There were over 164 relics presented for exposition. I know I missed a great deal of Saints, but the above were the highlights.
For more information on the relics that were presented and information about each of the above saints, you can download the information here: www.treasuresofthechurch.com/relics
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Prayer Intentions Requested
This Thursday, July 25th, at 7 pm at our parish, we are having an Exposition of Holy Relics.
Here is the excerpt from our bulletin:
Fr. Carlos Martins of the Companions of the Cross will be here with his very special ministry to teach about these holy objects. He will bring with him over 150 relics, some as old as 2000 years.
Among the treasures will be the relics of St. Maria Goretti, St. Therese of Lisieux (the "Little Flower"), St. Francis of Assisi, St. Anthony of Padua, St. Thomas Aquinas & St. Faustina Kowalska.
In addition, there will also be present a portion of the veil of Our Lady, as well as one of the largest remaining pieces of the True Cross in the world. Those in attendance will be able to examine and venerate each relic.
In the Church's history, many miracles and healings have been worked in the presence of relics and many have been healed through this ministry.
You are encouraged to bring your articles of devotion (such as rosaries, holy cards, etc.) and pictures of ill friends/family members which you will be able to touch to the reliquaries as a means of intercession.
I am planning to attend this Exposition and would be honored to take your intentions with me. I plan to type your intentions onto a sheet of paper & touch that sheet of paper to each relic (hopefully that's just as good as a picture of you all! :-)
Please let me know your intentions so I can carry them with me. I will pray for everyone regardless of a specific intention request.
Here is the excerpt from our bulletin:
Fr. Carlos Martins of the Companions of the Cross will be here with his very special ministry to teach about these holy objects. He will bring with him over 150 relics, some as old as 2000 years.
Among the treasures will be the relics of St. Maria Goretti, St. Therese of Lisieux (the "Little Flower"), St. Francis of Assisi, St. Anthony of Padua, St. Thomas Aquinas & St. Faustina Kowalska.
In addition, there will also be present a portion of the veil of Our Lady, as well as one of the largest remaining pieces of the True Cross in the world. Those in attendance will be able to examine and venerate each relic.
In the Church's history, many miracles and healings have been worked in the presence of relics and many have been healed through this ministry.
You are encouraged to bring your articles of devotion (such as rosaries, holy cards, etc.) and pictures of ill friends/family members which you will be able to touch to the reliquaries as a means of intercession.
I am planning to attend this Exposition and would be honored to take your intentions with me. I plan to type your intentions onto a sheet of paper & touch that sheet of paper to each relic (hopefully that's just as good as a picture of you all! :-)
Please let me know your intentions so I can carry them with me. I will pray for everyone regardless of a specific intention request.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
A Two Year Cycle
My husband surprised me tonight. Nonchalantly, while I was sitting on the floor in front of the tub watching Luke play in the tub, he says, "Luke isn't the youngest grandchild anymore." My stomach knots.
"What?"
"Luke isn't the youngest grandchild anymore."
He really said what I thought he said.
(Deep breath)
I expected this sooner or later (preferably later). I'd thought recently (or rather bet to myself) that DH's brother & sister-in-law would probably get pregnant again soon ... another "oops" baby. Like they don't know where babies come from.
I just sit on the floor beside the tub and breathe in and out. I concentrate on controlling my breathing. My throat constricts. I can't explain the feeling, but I think my chest hurts. Somewhere in the middle I feel a numbing sensation. It gets hard to breathe. My eyes get moist. It's hard to swallow.
I was just here two years ago. Two years exactly today. Experiencing these feelings, only much, much worse.
Two years ago, I'd been blindsided by this same news at my in-laws house by my BIL. I will never forget that day. Ever. The happiness I felt for a new baby, (a gift from God), was eclipsed by anger, bitterness & disappointment. And rage. Lots of rage.
I remembered that day this evening as I sat in front of the tub. There has been so much that has happened the last two years, most importantly the birth of and adoption of Luke. He has filled up most of my brokenness, but that hurt and ache is still there. It ebbs and flows.
DH tells me to be happy. "You'll love the new baby," he says. "Luke will have fun playing with his new niece or nephew." I ask him if he's really happy or if he feels a little hurt or sad. He admits that he feels a little sad. He didn't know the announcement was coming either. His admission reassures me to know that I'm not blowing things out of proportion ... that we share the same feelings, the same pain, the same desire to easily grow our family biologically.
I am mad at myself. If my husband would have married anyone else, he would reproduce like jackrabbits. That's how DH's family is ... super fertile. Not me. I am the broken one.
I shouldn't feel sorry for myself. I've got a blessed life. I truly do. If my body wasn't broken, I wouldn't have my Lukie, and I wouldn't trade him for all the fertility in the world. But it is so gosh darn hard sometimes to shove the hurt, sadness & disappointment of just wanting to be "normal" and being able to grow your family "easily" back down and swallow it again.
It's hard to think about seeing a pregnant belly in the house again at holiday time (SIL is due in Dec). My nephew just turned 1 in Feb & by March they are pregnant again. (I really need to quit doing the math. It doesn't help.)
I guess I just wish it were that easy. To just have sex and know that you actually have a chance to have a baby. To actually co-create a baby with God. I, personally, don't equate sex with babies. At all. They are two unrelated events. That part of my life isn't the norm.
I suppose if I had one leg, I wouldn't have a normal life either. But I think I'd still be a little upset at how easy the people with two legs have it. I'd miss my leg.
I guess what I want to say is that I'm feeling hurt and sadness. I want to have that option of surprising grandparents and my husband. The grass is always greener, eh?
I need to quit whining & get my big girl pants back on ... but I wanted to write my feelings down too. There are so many of you who still long to be moms for the first time or moms to babies here on earth. I've got nothing to complain about compared to that.
"What?"
"Luke isn't the youngest grandchild anymore."
He really said what I thought he said.
(Deep breath)
I expected this sooner or later (preferably later). I'd thought recently (or rather bet to myself) that DH's brother & sister-in-law would probably get pregnant again soon ... another "oops" baby. Like they don't know where babies come from.
I just sit on the floor beside the tub and breathe in and out. I concentrate on controlling my breathing. My throat constricts. I can't explain the feeling, but I think my chest hurts. Somewhere in the middle I feel a numbing sensation. It gets hard to breathe. My eyes get moist. It's hard to swallow.
I was just here two years ago. Two years exactly today. Experiencing these feelings, only much, much worse.
Two years ago, I'd been blindsided by this same news at my in-laws house by my BIL. I will never forget that day. Ever. The happiness I felt for a new baby, (a gift from God), was eclipsed by anger, bitterness & disappointment. And rage. Lots of rage.
I remembered that day this evening as I sat in front of the tub. There has been so much that has happened the last two years, most importantly the birth of and adoption of Luke. He has filled up most of my brokenness, but that hurt and ache is still there. It ebbs and flows.
DH tells me to be happy. "You'll love the new baby," he says. "Luke will have fun playing with his new niece or nephew." I ask him if he's really happy or if he feels a little hurt or sad. He admits that he feels a little sad. He didn't know the announcement was coming either. His admission reassures me to know that I'm not blowing things out of proportion ... that we share the same feelings, the same pain, the same desire to easily grow our family biologically.
I am mad at myself. If my husband would have married anyone else, he would reproduce like jackrabbits. That's how DH's family is ... super fertile. Not me. I am the broken one.
I shouldn't feel sorry for myself. I've got a blessed life. I truly do. If my body wasn't broken, I wouldn't have my Lukie, and I wouldn't trade him for all the fertility in the world. But it is so gosh darn hard sometimes to shove the hurt, sadness & disappointment of just wanting to be "normal" and being able to grow your family "easily" back down and swallow it again.
It's hard to think about seeing a pregnant belly in the house again at holiday time (SIL is due in Dec). My nephew just turned 1 in Feb & by March they are pregnant again. (I really need to quit doing the math. It doesn't help.)
I guess I just wish it were that easy. To just have sex and know that you actually have a chance to have a baby. To actually co-create a baby with God. I, personally, don't equate sex with babies. At all. They are two unrelated events. That part of my life isn't the norm.
I suppose if I had one leg, I wouldn't have a normal life either. But I think I'd still be a little upset at how easy the people with two legs have it. I'd miss my leg.
I guess what I want to say is that I'm feeling hurt and sadness. I want to have that option of surprising grandparents and my husband. The grass is always greener, eh?
I need to quit whining & get my big girl pants back on ... but I wanted to write my feelings down too. There are so many of you who still long to be moms for the first time or moms to babies here on earth. I've got nothing to complain about compared to that.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Looking to Buy
It has been a gorgeous week here in Nebraska .... lovely weather for outdoor walks, playing in the park & looking at houses!
About a month ago, we decided to get on r.e.a.l.t.o.r.com's website to look at what was offered in town so we could get an idea on pricing. We watched houses come and go for about a month and decided there were a few on there that hadn't been sold ... they were probably a good deal ... we can get them cheap.
Wrong! Oh-my-goodness, there are definitely reasons that those houses didn't sell!!!
Hideous wallpaper floor to ceiling (spend the next year removing it ... no thank you!).
S.u.p.e.r. tight bathrooms (crawl over the toilet to get inside).
Narrow, steep stairways with sewer pipes protruding into them & no head room to even stand up when you get to the top.
Rooms that lead to rooms ... that lead to rooms ... that lead to rooms ... that lead to outdoor balconies & some rough looking steps that lead to the ground floor, but you're not sure you want to even try the steps ...
The question I want to know is: How did people EVER live in these houses before they were sold?
Makes NO sense to me!
After looking at quite a few houses (about 20 ... most with a wiggling, screaming toddler wanting to run everywhere), we found our "final four." After touring them all back-to-back last Friday evening, we discussed on the drive home which one we liked the best and worked for us. We called our realtor and decided to meet again to view the property we liked the best on Sunday night, and invited our entire families to visit the property with us.
Ummm ... it was organized chaos. Luke was running everywhere (thankfully everyone was really good about watching (I mean catching) him. We had comments, questions & conversations galore. It was really good to have everyone there to look things over & help us decide whether this house was the one we wanted.
At the end of our visit, DH & I decided to go for it. We put in an offer, got a counter-offer back, renegotiated & upped our price ... and they went for it! We've bought ourselves a house! We are signing paperwork tonight and have a projected closing date of August 12th. Hopefully things will go smoothly and it will pass with flying colors (or at least give us a heads up on some issues). It is an older home, moved to it's new site 11 years ago, so there is a new foundation (hooray!).
What I loved about it (and kept to myself when we found the house online) was the street name. Our new address is on ST. JOSEPH Avenue! This fits in with our Luke Ethan JOSEPH and my love of St. Joseph to ask for his intercession for Luke's adoption. Also, I work at the dead-end intersection of 1st and ST. JOSEPH streets (yes, I will now work down the road (and across the train tracks) from home). I've considered St. Joseph to be our family's patron saint during Luke's adoption, but there is no clearer visibility of his patronage than now.
St. Joseph, thank you for your intercession in our lives & fulfilling the desires of our hearts!
Here is a picture of our new home:
About a month ago, we decided to get on r.e.a.l.t.o.r.com's website to look at what was offered in town so we could get an idea on pricing. We watched houses come and go for about a month and decided there were a few on there that hadn't been sold ... they were probably a good deal ... we can get them cheap.
Wrong! Oh-my-goodness, there are definitely reasons that those houses didn't sell!!!
Hideous wallpaper floor to ceiling (spend the next year removing it ... no thank you!).
S.u.p.e.r. tight bathrooms (crawl over the toilet to get inside).
Narrow, steep stairways with sewer pipes protruding into them & no head room to even stand up when you get to the top.
Rooms that lead to rooms ... that lead to rooms ... that lead to rooms ... that lead to outdoor balconies & some rough looking steps that lead to the ground floor, but you're not sure you want to even try the steps ...
The question I want to know is: How did people EVER live in these houses before they were sold?
Makes NO sense to me!
After looking at quite a few houses (about 20 ... most with a wiggling, screaming toddler wanting to run everywhere), we found our "final four." After touring them all back-to-back last Friday evening, we discussed on the drive home which one we liked the best and worked for us. We called our realtor and decided to meet again to view the property we liked the best on Sunday night, and invited our entire families to visit the property with us.
Ummm ... it was organized chaos. Luke was running everywhere (thankfully everyone was really good about watching (I mean catching) him. We had comments, questions & conversations galore. It was really good to have everyone there to look things over & help us decide whether this house was the one we wanted.
At the end of our visit, DH & I decided to go for it. We put in an offer, got a counter-offer back, renegotiated & upped our price ... and they went for it! We've bought ourselves a house! We are signing paperwork tonight and have a projected closing date of August 12th. Hopefully things will go smoothly and it will pass with flying colors (or at least give us a heads up on some issues). It is an older home, moved to it's new site 11 years ago, so there is a new foundation (hooray!).
What I loved about it (and kept to myself when we found the house online) was the street name. Our new address is on ST. JOSEPH Avenue! This fits in with our Luke Ethan JOSEPH and my love of St. Joseph to ask for his intercession for Luke's adoption. Also, I work at the dead-end intersection of 1st and ST. JOSEPH streets (yes, I will now work down the road (and across the train tracks) from home). I've considered St. Joseph to be our family's patron saint during Luke's adoption, but there is no clearer visibility of his patronage than now.
St. Joseph, thank you for your intercession in our lives & fulfilling the desires of our hearts!
Here is a picture of our new home:
More pictures to come as we move in & make the house our own.
I'm excited as this new chapter in our lives unfolds ... but gosh, I hate moving! Several other ladies are also feeling the hatred of excitement of moving as well ... here's to you Kat, Perfect Power in Weakness & Barbie! I will be thinking of you as I pack & move. We can do this!
Monday, June 24, 2013
Hello again! :-)
Well, I just looked and my last post was May 11th. Jeez! A month ago! Oops! Time has slipped by. It sure does go SO much faster when one gets older.
After this unintentional blogging break, I have decided to change a few things. I missed being connected to all my blog friends & I missed being able to intercede for them in their need. Also, getting up at 7 am to try and get into work & be behind a desk by 8 am just wasn't working & I was late every morning.
So .... in order to shake things up ... I've decided to get up at 6 am to get ready every day ... which means I need to get to bed by about 10-11 pm at the latest every night. Then ... in the morning, after I get ready (non-rushed-like), I will have time for breakfast (gasp!) and blogs! No two better "B" words out there. :-)
And, since you may be wondering how Luke is, here are a few 14 month old photos that my sister shot last month.
I hope to be back to a more regular blogger & commenter again ... beginning this week!
After this unintentional blogging break, I have decided to change a few things. I missed being connected to all my blog friends & I missed being able to intercede for them in their need. Also, getting up at 7 am to try and get into work & be behind a desk by 8 am just wasn't working & I was late every morning.
So .... in order to shake things up ... I've decided to get up at 6 am to get ready every day ... which means I need to get to bed by about 10-11 pm at the latest every night. Then ... in the morning, after I get ready (non-rushed-like), I will have time for breakfast (gasp!) and blogs! No two better "B" words out there. :-)
And, since you may be wondering how Luke is, here are a few 14 month old photos that my sister shot last month.
I hope to be back to a more regular blogger & commenter again ... beginning this week!
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Fundraiser for Justin @ Reese's Rainbow
Julie @ Andrew & Julie's Adoption Story is doing a fantastic fundraiser to help Justin from Reese's Rainbow be matched to his Forever Family. Please help raise money so that his forever family does not have finances as an obstacle of saying, "YES, Justin is our son!" Julie is giving 100% of the profits to Justin's account.
Here is the link to Julie's blog: Fundraiser for Justin
Please click over & click on the link "Fundraiser for Justin" on Julie's page.
Thanks, ladies!
Here is the link to Julie's blog: Fundraiser for Justin
Please click over & click on the link "Fundraiser for Justin" on Julie's page.
Thanks, ladies!
Same old, Same old
I can't think of too much interesting to write. Isn't that sad? I feel like I should update, but it will be a boring one, that's for sure. Read some random thoughts .... now! :-)
***
This next week will be 2 months since I started work at my new job. So far, I do really like it. Are you the kind of person who immerses themselves in their new situation, while the old one seems easier & easier to forget? I think I am that kind of person. For the first week or so, I missed our old house, my job, my friends, all the familiar locations, my routine, etc. Not that this new place wasn't exciting, but I hate change. A few more weeks pass, and I rarely think about the kind of life I had before. A few times during the week, I will think about what is happening at my old job (do they miss me - hope so! I like to feel "needed"), what the new owners of our old house are like (how are they treating it? do they like everything we did? I hope they're not hoarders & ruin everything!), and how much I miss the familiarity of the streets, shopping & atmosphere in Kansas (it is definitely more hilly! I grew to love those hills.). But after a minute or two, I realize what I'm thinking about & then mentally step out of the reminisce I'm doing & back into reality. Most days, it seems like a long ago, far away life. I've packed it up, stored it and take out a few memories now & again.
***
DH & I have been helping my dad mow lawns. Did I tell you I'm pretty good at it? Since dad didn't have any boys, my sister (a few years younger) and I were treated as equals in that regard. We got to do what boys do ... yard work! I remember starting to mow in about 3rd grade. Looking back, wow, that's young! I was about 9 at the time & started with my parents' yard. And a push mower. :-) Thank goodness for self-propelled mowers!
I did take a mowing break when I left my hometown to finish college in 2001. It seems like yesterday I was twelve years younger and behind that same mower. Mowing is almost second nature to me, as I mowed up to my highschool graduation and maybe a year beyond (about 10 years). We still have some of those same mowing customers from all those years ago. Last night, I had the pleasure of talking to one of the ladies again. It had been so long! When I started to do the math, it kind of freaks me out a little. How did I get to be so old? At almost 32, I can now say I've known that lady for almost 20 years. CRAZY!!!
***
Parenting ... sometimes I feel so confused on what the proper protocol is. Especially with all the new things people are doing now ... spacing vaccines out, new ways to teach your baby to sleep, baby sign language ... the list goes on and on. My question is: when do you wean your baby off of formula? I realize that some women are still breastfeeding at this point, which is a different discussion, but that's not us. We rock the nutritious formula. :-)
Luke is 13 months old (ok, ok, 13-1/2 months old, but I like to remove the 1/2 and keep him young as long as I can). He wakes up in the am & sometimes takes a bottle if it is 5:30 or 6 am and goes back to sleep. If he gets up at 8 am, then we eat breakfast (no bottle). Then a half juice/half water bottle for morning nap. Then lunch (no bottle). Then half juice/half water bottle for afternoon nap. Then supper (no bottle). Then either a bottle of formula or juice bottle for bedtime. We typically try and do the half juice/half water instead of formula, but if he is still awake at nap/bedtime after a half hour, then we give him a bottle of formula & he's usually asleep pretty soon.
Do we still keep this plan? Do we use real milk? Do I use soy milk? What have you done???
I'm not a fan of the pasteurized milk or soy (as I think soy is bad for you), but know we're not the type of people to get cow/goat milk from a farm & skim off the cream (did that when I was younger as my parents wanted us to be uber healthy, look how healthy I am now. Hello, IF! I'm being kind of sarcastic here, as I do want Luke to be healthy.)
***
On the eve of a commercial holiday tomorrow celebrating mothers, know that I am praying & will continue to pray for all those who will suffer through the day tomorrow, wanting to hold children in their arms or have them grow inside them. I pray that this is the last Mothers Day with that ache in your heart. And for those who long to have their babies on earth with them to celebrate, know that I mourn with you. I ask Mary to wrap you all in her arms and give you comfort.
***
This next week will be 2 months since I started work at my new job. So far, I do really like it. Are you the kind of person who immerses themselves in their new situation, while the old one seems easier & easier to forget? I think I am that kind of person. For the first week or so, I missed our old house, my job, my friends, all the familiar locations, my routine, etc. Not that this new place wasn't exciting, but I hate change. A few more weeks pass, and I rarely think about the kind of life I had before. A few times during the week, I will think about what is happening at my old job (do they miss me - hope so! I like to feel "needed"), what the new owners of our old house are like (how are they treating it? do they like everything we did? I hope they're not hoarders & ruin everything!), and how much I miss the familiarity of the streets, shopping & atmosphere in Kansas (it is definitely more hilly! I grew to love those hills.). But after a minute or two, I realize what I'm thinking about & then mentally step out of the reminisce I'm doing & back into reality. Most days, it seems like a long ago, far away life. I've packed it up, stored it and take out a few memories now & again.
***
DH & I have been helping my dad mow lawns. Did I tell you I'm pretty good at it? Since dad didn't have any boys, my sister (a few years younger) and I were treated as equals in that regard. We got to do what boys do ... yard work! I remember starting to mow in about 3rd grade. Looking back, wow, that's young! I was about 9 at the time & started with my parents' yard. And a push mower. :-) Thank goodness for self-propelled mowers!
I did take a mowing break when I left my hometown to finish college in 2001. It seems like yesterday I was twelve years younger and behind that same mower. Mowing is almost second nature to me, as I mowed up to my highschool graduation and maybe a year beyond (about 10 years). We still have some of those same mowing customers from all those years ago. Last night, I had the pleasure of talking to one of the ladies again. It had been so long! When I started to do the math, it kind of freaks me out a little. How did I get to be so old? At almost 32, I can now say I've known that lady for almost 20 years. CRAZY!!!
***
Parenting ... sometimes I feel so confused on what the proper protocol is. Especially with all the new things people are doing now ... spacing vaccines out, new ways to teach your baby to sleep, baby sign language ... the list goes on and on. My question is: when do you wean your baby off of formula? I realize that some women are still breastfeeding at this point, which is a different discussion, but that's not us. We rock the nutritious formula. :-)
Luke is 13 months old (ok, ok, 13-1/2 months old, but I like to remove the 1/2 and keep him young as long as I can). He wakes up in the am & sometimes takes a bottle if it is 5:30 or 6 am and goes back to sleep. If he gets up at 8 am, then we eat breakfast (no bottle). Then a half juice/half water bottle for morning nap. Then lunch (no bottle). Then half juice/half water bottle for afternoon nap. Then supper (no bottle). Then either a bottle of formula or juice bottle for bedtime. We typically try and do the half juice/half water instead of formula, but if he is still awake at nap/bedtime after a half hour, then we give him a bottle of formula & he's usually asleep pretty soon.
Do we still keep this plan? Do we use real milk? Do I use soy milk? What have you done???
I'm not a fan of the pasteurized milk or soy (as I think soy is bad for you), but know we're not the type of people to get cow/goat milk from a farm & skim off the cream (did that when I was younger as my parents wanted us to be uber healthy, look how healthy I am now. Hello, IF! I'm being kind of sarcastic here, as I do want Luke to be healthy.)
***
On the eve of a commercial holiday tomorrow celebrating mothers, know that I am praying & will continue to pray for all those who will suffer through the day tomorrow, wanting to hold children in their arms or have them grow inside them. I pray that this is the last Mothers Day with that ache in your heart. And for those who long to have their babies on earth with them to celebrate, know that I mourn with you. I ask Mary to wrap you all in her arms and give you comfort.
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