I am SO MAD at my husband. ARGH!
It all started tonight when it was time to take my daily meds: my thyroid meds, T3, several pills to enhance my CM, my multivitamin and my Omega3 pills ... quite the handful! I split my stash into three gulps, because some of them are huge and I have a fear of myself choking on one that gets lodged in my throat. After half a glass of liquid, I get them down.
My hubby has two day-of-the-week cases ... one by the computer (for the morning) & one by the couch in the living room (for the evening) that I pre-sort for him ... how convenient for him! I only have him taking three pills, twice a day ... one for a multi-vitamin, a Vitamin C and Ferti.lAid. That's it.
I ask him if he would like to take his evening pills too. They are right next to him on the coffee table. All he's got to do is reach over and pop the cover off the pre-sorted pill box, pop them in his mouth and wash them down with water, which is (conveniently) sitting on the same coffee table. He moans and groans about taking them. "They make me burp and I can taste them all evening," he says. WAHHHHH!
Does he know what I do to try and be healthy to conceive a baby? I take handfuls of pills twice a day at specific intervals, chart my CM all the time at each bathroom visit, get wanded twice a month (hello, super fun - not!), get progesterone shots five days a month and have to keep up with all the doctors, meds and tests ... and he is upset because all he has to do is take some stupid pills twice a day ... which he NEVER does anyway? Did I mention that I've had three surgeries to try and fix my broken self?
It is just so frustrating and I know I'm angry and shouldn't be posting this, but I just need to vent. Its bad enough that I AM the broken one and its up to me to fix everything. HE's fine, his little guys are just great, so he doesn't need to take vitamins. He's Mr. Perfect. I'm Ms. Broken. Little does he know how hurt I am that he can't contribute in this small way to the possible conception of a child. I'm doing everything in MY power and he's got not a care in the world.
Its nothing to stay mad over ... so I'm not going to be ... but do any of your husbands give you grief over this kind of trivial stuff?
I'm so sorry! Yes, I've had similar frustrations with my DH before...me wanting him to get one yearly physical to make sure his health is OK when I've already endured countless appointments, pokes, and prods and all of the complaining that came over that one single appointment. I truly do not think they understand the pain, commitment, and importance we place on our health. I finally sat down with DH once and tried to express how important it was for me that he do ______. I ended up in tears and frustration, but it helped him to see how important that seemingly unimportant issue (unimportant to him) was. Praying you can work through this!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry! Men are stupid sometimes, they just don't get it. I tried to get mine to take vitamins too. I have got him a one a day to start out.. he acted like I was asking him to swallow a submarine or something. He wouldn't take them.
ReplyDeleteBelieve me, I know its hard when you are "technically" the reason for this journey, its so easy to fall into that pit of despair. We are here for you! Praying and listening!
Yes I think we could all share a stupid man story. We go through so much emotionally and physically that they do not really understand. The last one for us was when he had to go get a blood test done. This was probably his first in a long time. He was really impatient about having to wait. I got really mad bc I have to get my blood done often so I have to wait often. He made a big scene about wasting his time. I was so embarrassed and mad that he could not handle one blood draw when I have to get many.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! So there with you! I take handfuls of pills twice a day, do all the charting, have all the surgeries, etc, and I also sort out all my husband's pills for him in an am/pm day of the week box. All he has to take is a mucuna pruriens tablet in the morning, and one in the evening with a baby aspirin (watching out for his heart), and drink the proxeed twice a day. He does ok with this usually, but sometimes at the end of the week I am so frustrated that several of the little boxes are still full. I also feel like he wouldn't take any of them if I was not doing all the leg work for him. That is frustrating, too. Out of everything that is on my back, it would be nice if he just took care of his own self. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteOh, and even if he is "perfect," everybody could use a little improvement. I read in "Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition" that one spouse being in stellar fertile shape could make up for the other not being so great. So, while you're going through everything to bring your numbers up so to speak, he could do his part.
ReplyDeleteThat is frustrating. The infertility path is a lonely one. Most of the time I don't even bother telling my husband that I drove X number of hours to pick up a prescription or waiting x number of hours for a blood draw. But it really bothers me when he asks why I am going to Omaha. That really bugs me. I guess I haven't cried enough in front of him. Your frustration is normal.
ReplyDeleteOh that would NOT have gone over well in my house either. :( I'm sorry. Hopefully he was just in a cranky mood and will come around soon.
ReplyDeleteOh honey, I hear ya! My husband does and says the same things! I was taking well over 20 pills a day, and he said it was too hard to swallow the 4 pills he was supposed to take a day. Actually he is not taking vitamins right now because of it. That reminds me, I need to go buy him some more, haha.
ReplyDeleteI just think men don't feel to urge to do everything we possibly can like we do!
We had similar arguments early on in our IF journey, so you're not alone!
ReplyDeleteHopefully your honey smartens up soon!
I don't know why men act like they don't need health care of any sort. Then if they get the slightest sniffle, they cry like a baby. They could never handle being a woman with our various exams and mammograms and whatnot.
ReplyDeleteHusbands of "broken" wives just don't get it!!! I am just looking through your blog roll. You have many I have never read before- wow! I'm behind! Thank you for all your supportive comments on my blog! I will pray your husband can get it & stop being such an ???
ReplyDeleteOh MAN, I so could have written this post!!
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone!!! And your DH, unfortunately, is not alone. He and my DH should get together on "I Refuse to Take My Vitamins Because, Why Bother, My Swimmers Are Awesome" Island.
Know that, while venting and said out of anger, your emotions ARE warranted, but also know it's not the end of the world. I think guys just don't "get" it when it comes to how their lack of taking vitamins, for example, can hurt us so badly. Clearly that is not their intent. They're just not wired like we are. We are maternal. Even before our babies are conceived, we are willing to do whatever it takes to make sure they have a healthy, safe conception. Men don't think like that. They are providers, paternal.
I hate being the broken one. Some days I feel like an 80 year old with all the pills I pop.
ReplyDeleteI had this same arguement several times with my DH...many times. Not only would this type of stuff drive me crazy, but when I would finally get good 10KL, for real, HE would be tired. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Sometimes, the loves of our lives can be incredibly brutal. Sorry this is happening to you...
ReplyDeleteI agree with the commenters above, health care and men just don't seem to go together very well. I gave up on my DH taking vitamins (and I was just encouraging him to take some fish oil / flaxseed oil - not even going as far as you were). He says he forgets because I don't set them out on the bathroom counter. Anyway, my point is - I decided this is one battle I am waving the white flag because I know it causes me undue stress. I am not saying you should give up though, but maybe a nice heart to heart talk about how important it is to you would help, but it sounds like maybe you have done that already.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better - my DH can say some "foot in the mouth" things like - when I was resting one day after running around and doing a bunch of housework "hey, I have noticed you have been more tired lately and needing to sit down more. Do you think that is normal?" Hmm...all I could think of was - "why don't you just come out and say it - you think I am lazy!" What I did say was "I am in my 3rd trimester - have you never seen a pregnant woman before???" And his response was "well, this is all new to me, I wasn't sure." I didn't buy it! :) I mean he comes from a family of 7 - there have been plenty of close relatives who have been pregnant.
Good luck with getting your DH to take the vitamins!
I hear ya!! My DH is the same way. I'm lucky if he takes his vitamins 3 times a week, forget every day. And here I am taking 12 pills every morning, then more at noon and more at dinner.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, it stinks to be the "broken" ones.
Sorry, my words are not very encouraging, but I can sure sympathize!
Thanks for your sweet comments on my blog! I am sorry your husband isn't happy about the vitamins. That isn't very helpful. I'm sure you may have already tried, but expressing your feelings in a gentle way could help him understand how you feel. I know that my husband needs to be reminded how sad I get sometimes, because he doesn't always share the same emotions. I have also felt "broken" many times, too. St. Therese is a great Saint to turn to when you feel weak and "broken". I have found such comfort in her spirituality! You are in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteOh Lordy- you are preaching to the choir on this one. Praying for you and your hubbie. I have found that saying rosaries for my husband has far greater effects than a talking-to. Thanks for sharing so that we can pray and you can vent ;)
ReplyDeleteI needed to comment, b/c I can TOTALLY relate! DH gave me such a hard time with taking his vitamins!! I was taking 15 pills a day during peak days and he had to take 3-5 lousy vitamins a day and would forget ALL the time!! I would get so upset. I ended up telling everyone in my life about it...(hehehehhe), my family and friends and I think the pressure of everyone knowing; made him take things seriously!! O, and I think after my surgery, he was "in". I am sorry about things and I hope things have gotten better!!
ReplyDeleteMy husband NEEDED the vitamins (he had 1% morphology at the last test a couple years ago), and STILL wouldn't take them. His count was great, motility good, but we got a special (and $$$) supplement to help the morph and he couldn't get himself together to take it. I would remind him before he left in the morning, and at night, but still...there were three bottles for three months and he hadn't managed to take one whole bottle at the end of the three months! I was so mad. They're supposed to be taken long-term to see any effect, so it was pretty much a total waste.
ReplyDeleteBelieve me, you're not the only one dealing with a stubborn husband!
Oh men...they are fun to deal with at times...I totally understand. HUGS! :)
ReplyDeleteI can relate! It was only after a few heart-to-heart talks that my DH came around. Hang in there and keep encouraging him!
ReplyDeleteOkay, THANK YOU for honestly sharing your emotions. Even the healthiest of marriages have these moments. And can I just say, I've LOST IT a coupla times in our journey already when Dh cringes at vitamins or an SA. Like.... REALLY? DO YOU SEE WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH HERE???? Poked and prodded and injected and charted and even gluten free... sometimes it really does take some time and work to learn to be there for each other. Ah marriage... so sanctifying! It helps me to list all the wonderful things he has done... like embrace CrMS and NaPro and even consider adoption... all things that don't come easily to every husband.
ReplyDeleteBless your heart. I can't say I understand what you are going thru but I can offer up a prayer for you that your husband can take his meds without complaint ;)
ReplyDeleteI totally understand where you are coming from! DH and I used to have such issues all the time during our TTC days. I too felt so tired of being the one with the "issues" while he was perfect. Praying for you-
ReplyDeleteI know you already got the award, but check out my post. You got it again :) I don't think you have to pass it on again.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. I think we all frustrated atone point or another and it does pass. It is hard to be the one with something wrong, the one whose fault it is. I always hated that. Try and hang in there. Hope things are better. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteWhen I have a need, I present it to the Lord along with my tithe.
ReplyDelete