I was recently texted by my youngest sister, J (10 years younger), about how expensive IF treatment was.
I texted her what I remembered we spent during our years of treatment.
She texted back that she was just wondering volunteered that she has been seeing a specialist in a nearby town. I asked J what tests had been run so far. She tells me that this doctor is doing bloodwork & ultrasounds to figure out why she "can't carry that long" and also that the doctor (in the town where we all live) didn't believe that J has been pregnant. That's why she was going out of town.
I recommend the Fertility Care Support Group who is pretty local & can help with charting (using NaPro and the Creighton Model) to diagnose and treat IF of all kinds.
She then tells me that, "Listen, I can get pregnant. I just can't stay pregnant that long. I can't carry to full term."
I repeat the benefits of NaPro & give her anonymous stories of other gals who have needed drugs/special IV's and treatment to stay pregnant. I tell her there are success stories and I believe in NaPro, even though it didn't work for me.
She replies back that, "There are women out there that don't show they are pregnant on blood & HPT's. I always test negative, that's why she tried to get a doctor to give her an ultrasound before she lost this last one. I'm trying to check my progesterone with this doctor and see."
Inwardly, I'm thinking that this has got to be crazy ... who doesn't test positive with bloodwork? I understand HPT's being negative, but I thought bloodwork would be conclusive.
I reply to her that she needs to have them test her HCG levels if she thinks she is pregnant. Also, if she is worried about progesterone to have them prescribe shots (she's gotten pills) so they have enough dosage in them to do something.
She tells me, "I had progesterone pills, but they screwed up my body and just helped me slowly kill the baby. I lost him so I'm not pregnant anymore. DH's mom had the same thing being pregnant with my DH, that it would never show on tests, so we went to where her doc was that did the ultrasound, but he wouldn't take new patients, so that's why I'm going out of town, where a doctor will see me."
I realized that my texts with her to give her more information regarding NaPro, actually ovulating, confirming a pregnancy and actually diagnosing whether she had any ovulation, luteal phase or other problem, are going to be futile and fall on deaf ears, so I just say, "If you have any other questions, let me know."
The End.
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Is it bad that I'm not sure whether to believe her or not? She's called me before saying that she's miscarried (with about the same vague info) a few times, but all her HPT's were negative. I'm not sure if she' gotten any bloodwork done before. She just says she "feels" pregnant (I've SO been there myself), but she "just knows" she's miscarrying/miscarried.
I have talked to my mom about it (and so has J). Mom thinks that J isn't miscarrying and wasn't pregnant (my mom has had 2 miscarriages, so she knows what happens). The local doctor thinks that J hasn't been pregnant and it's all in her head (I can't fully support a non-NaPro doc's diagnosis ... we all know they don't know what they're talking about most of the time with IF).
I don't want to be unsupportive if this is true - if J was pregnant and has a problem carrying babies to term - I want to be there for her, because I know IF is a hard cross - and miscarriage is just as hard / harder. I just think that there would be some way to confirm she was actually pregnant.
Thoughts?
I'm not an expert, but I think you, your mom, and the local doc are onto something. Praying.
ReplyDeleteHmmm if she were pregnant it would def. show up on a blood test checking her HCG levels which all Drs know to check. I would ask her how far along she thought or thinks she is. Ask her what is the strongest pregnancy symptom she is having and also if her periods are heavier/clotting more than what's normal for her. This is a tough situation because on the one hand you want to be sensitive and on the other you don't want to encourage her to be delusional if she is going through IF. I will pray for her and you!
ReplyDeleteNot a fun situation to be in. It all sounds a bit suspicious. I'm hoping things get sorted out soon. Perhaps her new docs will be more helpful? I think you did the right thing by just saying "If you have other questions, let me know." When she's ready to listen, you'll be there for her. Hopefully she's ready to hear your advice soon!
ReplyDeleteI feel for J. It sounds like she might be in a little bit of denial...I think we all go through that with IF. You are a good sister walking beside her and offering support when she needs it. I think we all walk this road at our own pace, so the best thing might be to just empathize and let her know you are there for her, and can offer resources if needed. God bless you!!!!
ReplyDeleteVery awkward... I completely understand you hesitation to believe all that was said... It does sound fishy and as Kat said if she were pregnant it would have shown up on blood work. I think you handled it well. You have let her know you are here for her and will answer any question to the best of your ability. I will lift her up in prayer and you that you might say the words she needs to hear when she is ready.
ReplyDeleteSometimes all you can do is let them know what you know and hope that sometime it clicks and they can get the help that they need. Does she have anything else to support her claims of pregnancy? Is she charting? I'm with Kat, I've never heard of difficulties in detecting a pregnancy with a blood test. And I know that HPT's are not perfect, but if every one is negative, that makes me wonder. Praying for your sister and that you are able to be there for your sister in whatever way will help her most!
ReplyDeleteShe doesn't have any charts or proof other than "she believes it." It's hard to change her mind if she believes something.
DeleteIt is so easy to convince yourself that you are pregnant. After almost 13 years I was thinking that I was pregnant on Sunday...and I have never had a positive pregnancy test. Our minds play tricks on us. I just know that I would not believe I am really pregnant until the baby is pushing its way out...lol
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