First Meeting with Luke's Birthmom

We just got home about an hour ago from meeting with Luke's birthmom & her family.  We ended up going to Coyote Canyon, which is a buffet restaurant and sat in the back room at a table, away from the crowd, so we had some privacy.  We got to the restaurant early and formulated a plan for where to go, where to sit, what to do, etc.  We decided I would sit back at the table with Luke and hubby would go up front to meet everyone then lead them back.  It worked out really well!

When Luke's birthmom, Becca, rounded the corner and came back to where we sat, her face lit up and she was so happy to see Luke.  I gave him to her right away.  She just hugged him so tight.  It made me tear up, as I couldn't imagine being in her shoes ... watching her baby be raised by someone else, when she loves him so much.  She talked to him for awhile and took him in.  Her boyfriend also was all smiles and making faces at Luke.  It was so special ... meeting her son again after four months.  Becca said she had been looking forward to it so much.  Her mom, her mom's boyfriend & her sister also came to see Luke too.

Becca and her boyfriend held Luke while the rest of us got up to get our plates & eat.  In true Luke fashion, he was ready to eat when we were ready to eat (how DOES he always know this?)  We enjoyed the food and company and tried to catch them up on all the things that Luke is doing.  Becca's older son, E, is about two years old (give or take) and it sounds like he is a holy terror!  Or a normal two year old boy ... we shall soon see what that's like with Luke.  :-)  We got to hear about E's escapades and how much Luke looks like E and how similar and different they were.  Lots of comparisons.  It is neat to see pictures of E and what Luke may look like as he grows up.

The nice thing about Becca's family is that you don't have to do too much talking.  They are a very lively bunch ... lots of stories were passed around & shared ... although the story about Becca's boyfriend killing a tomcat was a little much.  What do you say in response to that?  (I am a cat lover.)
It was also interesting to see how our personalities matched up.  Becca is definitely a mother.  She did the one-handed-bottle-lid-removal-while-holding-a-baby-technique flawlessly.  She was so very attentive to him and kept watching to see if he was eating her shirt or the bib and tried to get him the bottle, as she thought he looked hungry. She cleaned out his ear as someone else was holding him.  She told us how to pull him up to strengthen his core muscles to help him sit up better.  She changed his diaper and told me that I should put baby powder in the diaper to get rid of heat rash around his pelvis.  I just nodded and said thank you.  We may try that ... we may not.  It is different getting advice from a younger person (she is 21/22 and I am 31) who lets you know her opinion.  Not bad ... not good, just different.  I guess I think about her being the same age as my little sister (the one who just got married) and it is hard to think about her knowing more than I do (I am of the opinion I know more than my little sister) ... but he is Becca's son too ... so I accept her advice.

Becca's boyfriend said that for two weeks after Luke was born, she was grief-stricken and couldn't get out of bed.  When I heard that, I felt terrible.  I still do.  I question how I can be so very happy and thrilled with the blessing of this amazing little boy and she was/is so devastated and misses him terribly.  I can't give Luke back.  I don't want to.   I didn't know how soon was too soon to call or text.  This isn't like dating.  How many months do you wait before you awake the grief again?  I didn't want to cause more pain, but Becca said she was so glad to hear from me and so glad for this meeting.  She mentioned quite a few times that he looks so happy.  That makes me happy.  Becca also said that she thinks about Luke every single day.  We will see her again soon.  I'm not sure about monthly meetings quite yet, but maybe every 6 weeks would be ok.

Luke was awake the whole time.  He nodded off to sleep once, but didn't stay asleep long.  He looked at Becca, but he didn't remember her like I imagined he would.  I guess I was a little paranoid that he would cling to her and remember she was the real mommy, but he smiled more at hubby and I, so that was comforting.  We have done the parenting, so it is normal for us to be his go-to-people.  I think Luke was overtired from the day, as he didn't have any naps and didn't take a half-hour nap like normal between 5-7.  As I type this at 10 pm, he is up and fussy in his crib.  When I gave him his last bottle, he went to sleep, I put him down & figured he would zonk out, but he's up and moving and babbling.  Since he's not screaming, mommy gets to blog.  :-)  Hopefully he will put himself back to sleep.

All in all, I was really nervous about the meeting.  I didn't know what to say, what to wear, how to act, if anyone would burst into tears (didn't happen) .... the list goes on.  It went pretty well, I'll have to say. I think we can form a good friendship with everyone we saw again tonight.  They are really wonderful people.  I meant to ask Becca what she preferred we call her, but we will save that for next time.  I did ask her if she wanted to fill out pages in his Baby Book (the baby book we got is specifically for Adoption, as there are pages for the Birthmom & Birthdad to fill out about themselves, in addition to two family trees).  She said she would be delighted.  I was thrilled.  Becca also wants to write a letter to Luke for when he is 16-17 about why she chose adoption.  I said we would be honored to keep that for him and share that with him when he is older.  We do plan on letting him know about his adoption as part of his normal life, by meeting with his birth family often and also with shared pictures and night prayers.

Next up on the to-meet-list is Luke's biological dad's side of the family ... which I'm WAY more nervous about than this meeting, as his bio dad was the one who was so stubborn in the hospital about signing papers and created the whole drama fest we endured.  The Adoption / Birth Family relationship is new to me and really causes me to have to come out of my shell.   I'm a pretty introverted person.

All in all, I hope this post helps you get a special insight into Open Adoption and maybe open some hearts to that calling.  Good night!